0:00

You made it

0:02

weird. You made

0:04

it weird. You

0:07

made it weird.

0:10

What's happening? What's

0:12

happening? What's happening

0:15

to you? What's happening

0:18

to you?

0:20

What's happening

0:22

to you? What's

0:25

happening to you? Stop

0:31

spreading the new. I'm going to

0:33

turn it off. And it's too good

0:35

of an episode to turn off. People

0:37

are going to turn it off.

0:40

People are going to turn it

0:42

off. They can't handle that. I

0:44

would, whoever just goes like in

0:46

the middle of like in the

0:48

middle of that, like, nope, can't

0:50

do it. I mean, so. I

0:52

would love that person. I would,

0:54

that person. I'm in that mood

0:56

sometimes. I'm in that mood often. Yeah.

0:58

Well, this is, we made it weird.

1:00

This is the, we call it the

1:02

bonus episode, which is sort of condescending,

1:04

I guess. This is the... Can we change

1:07

it to Boner episode? This is the

1:09

Boner episode where Valerie is always

1:11

our guest. Or I'm your guest,

1:13

but we're here together and we

1:15

catch up and it's awesome and

1:17

I'm glad you're here and this

1:19

episode is incredible. I love it. Light, fluffy,

1:21

interesting, and then surprisingly

1:24

deep at the end. Classic. Yeah,

1:26

you had several burps throughout that.

1:28

That was gross. Yeah, we all

1:30

hated it. Just a classic, classic,

1:33

we made it weird format, I

1:35

would say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just talking

1:37

about real silly frivolouses

1:39

and then instantly jumping

1:42

into the deep-in with

1:44

trauma. Yeah, trauma, but

1:46

like healing trauma, healing

1:48

trauma, is with Krista

1:50

Tippett. Hi, I'm crest-a-tippet,

1:52

sitting in for Krista.

1:54

Cresta is Christa's alter

1:56

ego. Sisters. Christa's

1:59

sister. is tip at tipping

2:01

point, Malcolm Gladwell. We're glad you're

2:03

here. I'm on the road. petehomes.com.

2:05

Just go look at the dates

2:07

if you want to come see

2:09

me live. Thanks everybody that came

2:11

to the Largo. That was last

2:13

night. I will say the cities.

2:15

Why not? The next Largo is

2:17

April 5th. My next tour date

2:19

is New Jersey, Atlantic City, followed

2:21

by Austin, St. Louis, Nashville, Irvine,

2:23

San Jose, and Royal Oak, Michigan.

2:25

We haven't updated the art yet,

2:27

but this is the PG-13 tour,

2:29

because I just noticed that my

2:31

new hour happens to be PG-13.

2:33

Yeah. Cleanish-ish-ish. There's some, some knotty,

2:35

but not heavy-notty. PG-13. Yeah. Not

2:37

boring, but cleanish. And I really

2:39

love it. And I really love

2:41

it. Cleanish. Okay, don't say it.

2:44

You know what I'm thinking. Oh,

2:46

okay, I thought, okay. And we're

2:48

glad you're here. And if you

2:50

don't know the show, the way

2:52

we do the ads are these

2:54

are things we actually use and

2:56

actually love. So they're sincere and

2:58

they're very often life-changing stuff that

3:00

is all over my desk. So

3:02

if you want to support the

3:04

show, try a pizza pick, maybe

3:06

get one for a friend. Who

3:08

knows? But it really helps the

3:10

show, use those codes. Let's talk

3:12

about socks. Who cares, right? That's

3:14

what I thought. This is real.

3:16

I thought, who cares? All socks

3:18

are the same. They're all just

3:20

dumb. Fuggen tubes for your feet.

3:22

Then I did the Colbert show

3:24

late night with Stephen Colbert and

3:26

in the gift basket were socks

3:28

by a company a small company

3:30

called Warn. So Stephen Colbert puts

3:32

all of his favorite things in

3:34

the gift basket and I found

3:36

these socks called Warren Sox and

3:38

I put them on and I

3:40

am, I'm not just saying this,

3:42

obsessed. Did a complete sock drawer

3:45

overhaul and now they are all

3:47

born socks because

3:49

they're amazing. They

3:51

are their everyday

3:53

crew socks and

3:55

they are made

3:57

from something called

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patented, it's their

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own thing, it's

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a performance enhanced

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merino that feels

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fantastic, stays dry

4:11

and looks amazing.

4:13

I thought all

4:15

socks were the

4:17

same, I couldn't

4:19

have been more

4:21

wrong. They are

4:23

super, super soft,

4:25

which is great.

4:27

AeroWool carries 15,

4:30

excuse me, reading the stats here,

4:32

15 times less moisture than cotton.

4:34

That's why I love them. They

4:36

stay super, super dry and the

4:38

grip on them, even after you

4:40

wash them, is incredible. It wicks

4:42

twice as well and lasts five

4:44

times longer than cotton, which is

4:47

incredible. That means you're not just

4:49

comfy when you first put these

4:51

on, you're comfortable and dry all

4:53

day long, which is for sure

4:55

a game changer. No sweaty damp

4:57

feeling or grossness by mid -afternoon, light

4:59

cotton, you know what else I

5:01

love? Unlike other merino bands, they are

5:04

merino, that's the fabric, they are machine

5:06

washable and every time you wash

5:08

them, they refit. I don't understand that.

5:10

You're tossing them in a garble of

5:12

water and soap and they're getting tossed

5:14

about, it's magic. You wash them and

5:16

they come out of the wash and

5:19

they fit like they're the first time,

5:21

every time. No sliding down or stretching

5:23

out, I don't know why, but especially

5:25

as I get older, I want my

5:27

socks to stay put. If they start

5:29

to sag, they go in the trash

5:31

and I've yet to throw out

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7:42

All right everybody, so glad

7:44

you're here, Valerie. Get into

7:46

it. Welcome everybody to the

7:48

podcast. How we feel today

7:50

and what we think occasioned

7:52

those feelings, how we can

7:54

maintain the good feelings and

7:56

ward off or at least,

7:58

you know, tolerate the bad.

8:00

questions of what it could

8:02

have been that we did

8:05

or didn't do that led

8:07

to certain discomfort or comfort,

8:10

checking in, having revelations we've

8:12

had before, but forgetting we've

8:15

had them before and celebrating

8:17

them anew. That's right. And for

8:19

you, it's just an hour a

8:21

week, but for us, it's everyday.

8:23

Our whole lives. That's how I

8:26

feel when I come home. Daddy's

8:28

home, my favorite Mark Wahlberg movie,

8:30

is... Weird burn. I got Waldberg

8:32

on the brain. I was just

8:34

writing some Boston jokes. Who cares?

8:36

Who cares? But when I come

8:38

home from being away for like

8:40

a show, the way I know

8:42

I'm home is you sit down

8:44

next to me and you go

8:46

like, I'm feeling just kind of

8:49

like chunked or like that's what

8:51

I would say. But you're like,

8:53

I'm just sort of feeling like

8:55

you tell me physically how you

8:57

feel, emotionally how you feel, what

8:59

you're planning to do to change

9:01

or maintain or maintain. how you

9:03

feel and then when you're done

9:05

that inevitably that's what this podcast

9:07

is makes me go like well

9:09

I've been feeling that but can

9:11

I say something yeah I think

9:13

I can it's literally what the

9:15

show is I wouldn't have it any other

9:18

way I can't stand people that don't

9:20

talk about how they feel why they're

9:22

feeling that way yeah it's just and

9:24

what do you do what do you

9:26

do all day right that's our Netflix

9:29

and you know I think I am the

9:31

type of person, I know I'm the type

9:33

of person who needs that

9:36

and that's my nature. However,

9:38

I didn't live that way until

9:40

I met you. Oh really? Not at

9:42

all. It's one of the ways that

9:45

I've like high seas style like

9:47

shaped to your like watery

9:49

shaped to your container. Watery

9:51

shaped to my container. That

9:54

makes sense. That's a

9:56

that's a I liked it. I knew

9:58

you men watery shape. to

10:00

my container. It just

10:02

bared repeating. But I

10:05

do think I am

10:07

the type of person

10:09

who it is either

10:12

that like full force

10:14

we're constantly thinking about

10:16

the feelings and saying

10:19

and or I'm completely

10:21

dead to myself like

10:23

totally asleep which is

10:25

what I was before

10:27

I met you. That

10:38

one was accidental. I was

10:40

really trying to not harmonize.

10:42

Yeah, I was trying to be like

10:44

flat Because I think it's really funny

10:47

if you're singing, but you're like so

10:49

out of sink With each other romance

10:51

It's hard to do a flat

10:53

note like do an intentional flat

10:56

note But if flat note is a

10:58

note right, but I mean like so you

11:00

have to do it with a wrong

11:02

corresponding note. Sorry this is feeling

11:05

a little major normative Oh my

11:07

god. You just like the white

11:09

keys? How fitting. Harpsichord, or

11:11

sometimes on a synth, it's black

11:13

keys, are the, so there you

11:15

go. Oh wow. Progressive? On a

11:17

synth? A synthesizer? Yeah, I thought

11:19

a synth was like, was... You're

11:22

not picturing the modern synth.

11:24

Modern synth. Yeah, tell me. They're

11:26

black keys with white sharps. Oh

11:29

yeah. And for some reason

11:31

it's only one octave. And

11:33

they have everything they have

11:35

everything they need. That's like

11:37

what a DJ would have. Right. It's

11:39

like I'm the old mortal combat. This

11:41

is only going to be from me.

11:44

But if you had mortal combat for

11:46

the Sega Genesis, there were only three

11:48

buttons or street fighter. So you would

11:50

press, this is the dumbest fix they

11:52

had, you'd press the select button

11:54

to change from punches to kicks.

11:56

And the- That makes sense to

11:59

me. Yeah, but- It absolutely

12:01

doesn't I mean like with respect

12:03

Senator you don't play street fighter

12:05

So it's like the thought of

12:08

that is just it's it's it's

12:10

ghastly They they they were greedy.

12:12

They should have waited for the

12:14

six-button controller. Welcome to retro gaming.

12:16

What are your YouTubes? Here are

12:19

my YouTubes. Okay. Yeah, do you

12:21

know mine. I could let me see if

12:23

I can guess yours. Tell me you're taught

12:25

like have your five or three Okay

12:27

in the chamber. All right, I'm trying.

12:30

It's hard. Okay. Because as

12:32

we've discussed, our online, these

12:34

portals, it's like a dream.

12:37

Right. When you say like,

12:39

what is your algorithm show

12:41

you? That's the new, what did

12:43

you dream about last night? Well,

12:45

you don't remember. Yeah, I'll tell

12:48

you that when I come down

12:50

from putting Lila to bed.

12:52

Yeah. I will always find one

12:54

of three things. It feels

12:56

a dead body. Yeah, a

12:58

dead body. The one, the

13:01

fourth constant is a dirty

13:03

kitchen. No, I love it.

13:05

I, but I, in my, I'm

13:08

feeling wonderful today, so I can

13:10

accept that. And worse,

13:13

worse, no, I know, worse

13:15

than accept it. Yeah. I'm

13:17

prepared to defend. How I'm right

13:20

that it's like it's our time.

13:22

Let's not waste it doing dishes

13:24

Let's clean those dishes in the

13:26

morning when it's the day. That's

13:28

true night is dirty day is

13:30

clean That would make sense if you

13:33

weren't getting a jumpstart on the night

13:35

like I'm still working up there putting

13:37

her to bed so I the way

13:40

that like a nine on the anyogram

13:42

watery Pisces works water shape of Pisces

13:44

that like I'm not sitting down till

13:46

we're all sitting down so like if some

13:48

if the partner is you know what I

13:50

am they're setting up the pancake dinner

13:52

and like they're working and someone's like

13:55

I don't know how to heat this

13:57

maple syrup in the pudding little candles

13:59

on and you widen to reveal, I'm

14:01

already at a huge communal table eating

14:04

eight pancakes. I know. And pretty oblivious

14:06

and pretty happy. Yeah. Like, these are

14:08

good. I don't think the syrup needs

14:11

to be hot. That is. And I

14:13

think I'm helpful. This is, like, it's

14:15

worse. It would be one thing if

14:18

I was like, I should really be

14:20

helping. But I think I am helping.

14:22

Yeah. I'm letting them know they're good.

14:25

I think they don't want me to

14:27

be hungry, you don't want me hungry.

14:29

I'm not, I'm no use to you

14:32

if I'm hungry. That's so true. It's

14:34

a type of oblivion that I am.

14:36

Yeah, but anyway, so I will come

14:39

down and I'll see you watching

14:41

YouTube on the couch. youtube.com. Yeah, dirty

14:43

kitchen. And not always. I'm so ready

14:46

to go against this. I, like, first

14:48

of all, this is on the rare

14:50

occasions where Lila lets me slip out.

14:53

That's true. Rare. Yes. Usually, like this

14:55

weird, I don't know if it's weird,

14:57

but it's what's happening. You'll be rocking

15:00

her and she just wants me

15:02

to stay and I do. Some nights

15:04

I go, I think she's really close,

15:06

I'm gonna leave. And that's when you

15:09

come down and find me dirty kitchen.

15:11

Not gonna waste that precious time. Yeah,

15:13

but then, but then, and this doesn't

15:16

happen that often. It just happened

15:18

recently, though, where it's like, it took

15:20

a long time. So you had like

15:22

a 45, yeah, a minute to an

15:25

hour. So then by the time I'm

15:27

like sitting down and like, okay. We're

15:29

watching White Lotus and I call everything.

15:32

He's gonna say yes to get a

15:34

Bangkok. I have to go to Bangkok.

15:36

You're like, did you watch this

15:38

while I was rocking her? And I'm

15:41

like, whoops, doodles. Somebody cooked my noodle.

15:43

I watched it twice. That would be

15:45

such a betrayal. Oh yeah, that's our,

15:48

that's our cheating. Cheating. Yeah. And cheating

15:50

is just totally fine. Eating isn't cheating.

15:52

Eating isn't. I wish I would

15:54

stop saying it. I'm gonna say I

15:57

would stop saying it. I'm gonna say

15:59

I hate eating. period. Oh my

16:01

God. Not eating. Obviously I love

16:03

eating. Well don't bring eating into

16:06

that. That's right. Eating is its

16:08

own glory. It's its own glory.

16:11

It's its own glory. It's its

16:13

own glory. Don't be like don't

16:15

call a blowjob like Disneyland or

16:18

something like it's already a thing.

16:20

You don't need to. Eating is

16:22

great. Yeah. And we don't we're

16:25

not the first to be like

16:27

are you. Stop it. I prefer though,

16:29

like, I just don't, I just don't

16:31

want the words for it at all,

16:33

I guess. Just oral sex. Yeah, oral

16:35

sex. But you're, but like, it's different

16:37

context. You're not going to be like,

16:39

oh yeah, perform oral sex on me,

16:41

please. Well, that, like if data from

16:43

Star Trek was having sex with a

16:45

lady data, it'd be like, would you

16:48

like me to perform oral sex? That

16:50

does sound pretty close to something I

16:52

would say while we were having sex

16:54

if I said would you like oral

16:56

pleasure Oh my god, you do say oral

16:58

pleasure. I think that's from Pulp

17:00

Fiction. Do you will you give

17:03

me oral pleasure? It's from Pulp

17:05

Fiction. Oh my god He does? He does?

17:07

Oh, well Pulp Fiction If it's in

17:09

pulp fiction, it can't be wrong. Which

17:11

is why I say the n-word. I'm

17:14

just kidding. I'm just kidding. It's just

17:16

a joke. That movie has like an

17:18

uncomfortable amount of white guys saying the

17:20

n-word. I've only seen that movie

17:23

once and I only remember scenes

17:25

with uma therma, uma, uma, uma,

17:27

uma, uma, uma. Ooh, the new

17:29

uma me thermas. Do you have

17:31

something that tastes like? I don't

17:33

know what. Keep it warm or

17:35

cold. What's it supposed to be?

17:38

We don't know. The umami thermas.

17:40

Made by Uma Thurman. And

17:42

also if you order now

17:45

you get the uma thereman.

17:47

She's doing it with a

17:49

sword though. Turns out you

17:52

can't do a thereman sound.

17:54

No one can. If you can't,

17:56

no one can't. If I can't,

17:58

on my head. Okay, so anyway

18:01

long way to get to but

18:03

what are we gonna get to

18:05

it? And then we're like oh,

18:07

well, we have 50 more minutes

18:09

We have 50 more minutes. Okay,

18:11

topic to The whole welcome to

18:14

podcasting 101 never the crowd get

18:16

to it I'm Howie Mandel welcome

18:18

to never get to it That

18:20

is a good idea for podcast

18:22

and it basically is what we

18:24

do naturally, but if we were

18:27

intentionally like we start talking about

18:29

something up top and then we

18:31

never get to it until the

18:33

very end. Well, yeah, that's pretty

18:35

much what we do. It is

18:37

what I sometimes I leave those

18:40

threads a danglin though. But okay

18:42

to pull these threads. Go ahead.

18:44

I'm coming down. You're watching YouTube

18:46

and it's going to be either

18:48

like donkey. the video game. Oh

18:50

yeah, that's that's not as much

18:53

these days. I like comedy videos

18:55

that are about video games. Like

18:57

that's how, like how people get

18:59

their news from the Daily Show.

19:01

I get like my new games

19:03

and stuff like that, which I

19:06

don't even play. Yeah. Because we're

19:08

out here parenting. Yeah. Not that

19:10

you can't, but I just don't

19:12

prioritize it. I'm gonna put that

19:14

under the same category though as

19:16

like vintage video game. Like beating.

19:19

It seems different to you. I'm

19:21

sorry. By the way, let's say

19:23

there's 5,000 people listening. Four of

19:25

them just went, oh shit. Because

19:27

they know something. So he's the

19:30

best. I don't know. He's incredible.

19:32

You do. He makes the speed

19:34

running videos, but they're like little

19:36

documentaries. One comes out like every

19:38

three months, maybe more. And the

19:40

stakes couldn't be higher. Frame perfect

19:43

Mike Tyson's punch out. Yes. And

19:45

he builds it though. So there's

19:47

a lot of speed running videos

19:49

which is people speed running. He's

19:51

telling you what they're doing and

19:53

I find it to be a

19:56

warm bath cucumbers. slice eyeballs. Like

19:58

it's so meditative. But tell me

20:00

if I'm wrong here. Hit it.

20:02

Either you are doing that earlier

20:04

in the night, but I think

20:06

you're summoning salt in all of

20:09

your speed run videos happen mostly

20:11

when you're out of town, like

20:13

when you're on tour. Because you

20:15

told me that you were into

20:17

those and I swear I've never

20:19

seen you watch one. Yeah, I

20:22

don't know what I'm watching those

20:24

because they're long and you're right.

20:26

I you're bringing like I'm in

20:28

a hotel. Yeah, I have a

20:30

show that night. It's my friend.

20:32

It's my digital friend that's like

20:35

here's how someone broke Mario Cart

20:37

and I'm like, thanks. I just

20:39

don't want to be alone right

20:41

now. Yeah. So I think I

20:43

I think summoning salt and ah

20:45

and me your wife belong in

20:48

the same category. Like so we're

20:50

never in the same room at

20:52

the same room at the same

20:54

time because Whatever it's scratching. Oh,

20:56

yeah, I understand yeah, if yeah,

20:58

if you're there Why am I

21:01

watching summoning salt? Yeah, because I

21:03

could just be comforted by your

21:05

presence That's right, but I will

21:07

contend that if anyone doesn't that's

21:09

a that's a hot wreck If

21:11

you grew up in the 90s

21:14

playing Nintendo games and just want

21:16

to watch Honestly, like I get

21:18

weirdly emotional about it and I

21:20

feel like their dads don't understand

21:22

them and I'm like But it's

21:24

art. It's beautiful and it's art.

21:27

And I just know that they're

21:29

not, or a good number of

21:31

them probably aren't appreciated. And I'm

21:33

like, what they're doing is incredibly

21:35

focused and nuanced. It's interesting. But

21:37

it's not very useful in like

21:40

the world of commerce. Even that's

21:42

not true. They get on Twitch.

21:44

They get a million subs. And

21:46

that's great that makes me freak

21:48

out. I love it. I'm like

21:50

you found a way to make

21:53

a living like rolling toothpicks with

21:55

a mouse on it like a

21:57

little mouse transport you So it

21:59

looks so stupid, but it's important

22:01

to them and it's important to

22:03

me and then you found people

22:06

that will watch you move a

22:08

mouse on a little toothpick thing?

22:10

That metaphor didn't work. No, that

22:12

made it more confusing because what

22:15

I'm realizing in this moment is I

22:17

only think I know what these are.

22:19

Is it just them going through the

22:21

games as fast as possible? Yeah.

22:23

Well. Look, this is boring, but

22:25

it's almost over. Like, Mike Tyson's

22:27

punch out. There's certain ways, there's

22:29

like nine fighters, and there's a

22:31

fastest way to beat it. But

22:34

like... It comes down to all this pattern

22:36

recognition, but then all this like reflexing

22:38

and then also there's always like the

22:40

guy, the person, it's always guys, I'm

22:42

sorry, I've watched a million of these,

22:44

I've never seen a female speed runner.

22:47

That's okay, I don't think the ladies

22:49

will be offended. I don't think, we don't

22:51

mind being left out of this one.

22:53

You guys can have this one. But

22:55

there's the guy that's doing the speed

22:57

running who's got the reflexes of like.

22:59

an automata, like it's insane. And then

23:01

there's always this other guy, and I

23:04

see the pattern of the universe in

23:06

this, there's always some other guy with

23:08

a great screen name like Hammond in

23:10

water or something. Beautiful screen

23:12

name. Beautiful. And they have to

23:15

earnestly be like, and Hammond water

23:17

found another way through. So there's

23:19

the speed runner and then there's

23:21

the people that just go and

23:23

experiment. Over and over like how

23:25

do you figure out that mashing

23:27

B and A alternately while jumping

23:29

on a certain block will clip

23:31

you meaning like put Mario into

23:34

the block and then you can

23:36

run through the whole level or whatever

23:38

it might be. It's because there's people

23:40

that are doing a different skill. Their

23:42

skill is patience and tenacity and then

23:45

they upload the strat. See I love

23:47

things with lingo, strat just means strategy.

23:49

And then the speed runners use those

23:52

strats to shave. We're talking about like

23:54

three frames off a record. And when

23:56

they win, when they do it and

23:59

bows are fall. into the lava and

24:01

they scream and you know they're just

24:03

alone. It's like a Spielberg movie. I

24:05

picture their dumb smoking dad downstairs being

24:08

like, got a job! And they're up

24:10

there being the fucking champion? Yeah, of

24:12

their realities. I agree. I think that's

24:14

pretty incredible. Are they discovering glitches or

24:16

are they things secrets that are programmed

24:19

in? They're not secrets. They're breaking the

24:21

game. Wow. They're breaking the game in

24:23

a way that the game can be

24:25

broken and they get really specific about

24:28

it like on what frame and like

24:30

when the screen re- I won't even

24:32

bore you. But let's just say there's

24:34

like certain times you can jump on

24:36

the flagpole at the end of a

24:39

Mario level. And if you do it

24:41

too early, you get a longer animation

24:43

of the castle than the fireworks and

24:45

you don't want that. So they're trying

24:48

to jump on the bottom of the

24:50

flag. Wow. So there's no animation. And

24:52

then they do all these things where

24:54

you like run under the flag. I'm

24:56

telling you, I get juiced. The one

24:59

with Mike Tyson, because to do a

25:01

perfect Mike Tyson, I think it's like

25:03

a 58 second Mike Tyson fight. It

25:05

might be 54 seconds. I was on

25:08

the edge of my seat. He has

25:10

a good sense for narrative and music

25:12

and tension and like they're good. They're

25:14

as they're as good as a, you

25:16

know, like a Netflix documentary you might

25:19

see. I think they're up there. That

25:21

does sound compelling. I get that. You're

25:23

sweet too. I mean, I don't think

25:25

I want to watch it, but I

25:28

like that that exists and that these

25:30

people are like scientists for a game.

25:32

And if you add on that like

25:34

if you grew up in a time

25:36

when being good at a video game.

25:39

Like we used to call each other

25:41

and be like I beat that level

25:43

that that was our red it But

25:45

we'd like we needed to talk about

25:48

it, and then you see these people

25:50

It turns out Well, this is interesting.

25:52

This speaks to our brains and psychology.

25:54

I still have the groove that if

25:56

my parents aren't happy with me. I'm

25:59

not safe right? Similarly I have the

26:01

groove that if you're good at Mario

26:03

Brothers, you're an important and special person.

26:05

And the fervor that I'm talking about

26:07

speed running right now is indicative of

26:09

just how much I believe that if

26:12

my parents are disappointed in me or

26:14

if I don't reply to their text,

26:16

that I'm in physical danger. You know

26:18

what I'm saying? Like I know it

26:20

sounds like I'm forcing that, but like

26:22

these ties to our past, the good ones

26:24

and the bad ones are so fucking

26:26

real. So deep. Yeah. Yeah, and

26:29

we do have, it's so interesting,

26:31

we have this impulse to like

26:33

have these little tasks, like this

26:36

is our biology, because we like

26:38

depended on tasks for survival, where

26:40

it's like we're just stack-in-sticks for

26:43

three weeks to make a shelter.

26:45

That's exactly right. That's the

26:47

part of the brain it's scratching.

26:50

I just spent the morning

26:52

with our friend's baby. She's... 14

26:54

months old and I just

26:56

watched this nature like I totally

26:58

just followed her lead and all

27:01

she wanted to do was like

27:03

put things in a box take

27:05

things out of the box yeah

27:07

open this water bottle close this water

27:09

bottle like it's and it's just like

27:12

if she can do she can do

27:14

anything in the world and though that's

27:16

what she wants to do is these

27:18

like little tasks and I think video

27:20

games really scratch that it yeah we

27:22

want to metabolize something and literally build

27:24

things and yeah it's exciting that's why

27:26

it excites me that there's the guy

27:29

who isn't doing the speed running but

27:31

it's just figuring out a new way

27:33

like it really sounds boring but like

27:35

Like, there might be an inconsistent strategy

27:37

in Super Mario World where you jump

27:39

off a moving platform and if you

27:42

do it perfectly, you'll go through the

27:44

wall and get the star, right? And

27:46

then they're like, but it's too inconsistent.

27:48

Like you should see what they do.

27:50

They have like spreadsheets and all this

27:53

stuff and it's like, you can only

27:55

do it 22% of the time. And

27:57

then they're like, so we need a.

27:59

So somebody just goes in and

28:02

goes, well, what if I just

28:04

backwards jump up this waterfall and

28:06

that's their day? There's something really

28:09

meaningful to me when something that

28:11

is, that seems to be bullshit.

28:13

It's like the movie radio or

28:15

the broad side, like when someone

28:18

who is discarded is revealed to

28:20

be precious. I can't get enough

28:22

of it. And that's what it

28:25

is. It's like. That's why I'm

28:27

adding to it. No one gets

28:29

these kids. And then they found,

28:32

some of themselves videos are very

28:34

popular, millions of people watch them.

28:36

It's like, I find this great

28:39

redemption in that. And exactly what

28:41

you're saying is, this is what

28:43

human beings do. It is moving

28:45

stones into a basket and bringing

28:48

them back. Like it's this sort

28:50

of thing, but it's the modern.

28:52

version of that. Right, yeah. I

28:55

do, I am compelled by the,

28:57

the, like, if this, if they

28:59

had this skill, even when you

29:02

were growing up, no one would

29:04

know because we didn't have the

29:06

internet. That's exactly right. And now

29:08

they can, like, find their people.

29:11

Okay, good use of the internet.

29:13

So we're getting this bit about

29:15

Nostradamus who made all these predictions

29:18

in the 1550s. I asked the

29:20

audience last night I go. When

29:22

was Nostradama making his predictions? And

29:25

someone said 1350. And I go

29:27

1550. And I go, but to

29:29

us, that's the same. Oh, 100%.

29:32

There's no difference between. It's 200.

29:34

It's 200. It's barefoot on cobblestones.

29:36

There's the plague. It's cold. It

29:38

sucks. It sucks. It's the worst.

29:41

Is that medieval times? I'm embarrassed

29:43

to ask. No, I think it

29:45

is. Yeah. I think it is.

29:48

Yeah. I think the movie. I

29:50

have to go to go to

29:52

go to go to movies. The

29:55

last of us. Yeah, it is

29:57

about assault. Yeah, that movie took

29:59

place. some of the 1300s, I

30:02

think. Yeah, and that's medieval

30:04

times. That's just my worst

30:06

time. I would. I think I'll

30:08

wager that the people in that

30:11

time knew it was the worst

30:13

time. Because here's the other

30:15

question, is that the Dark

30:18

Ages? Did that happen within

30:20

the medieval time? Just because

30:22

I'm really feeling cocky. Yeah?

30:25

I'm gonna say with blind.

30:27

We're so dumb. Like arrogance. Yeah,

30:30

I know we're dumb. That

30:32

the medieval age ended with

30:35

the Dark Ages, which

30:37

took us to the

30:39

Renaissance. Here's what happened.

30:41

It was nights and

30:43

the plague and Adam

30:45

Driver assaulted in a

30:48

movie assaulting somebody and

30:50

Matt Damon wanting to

30:53

kill him. That's what

30:55

was happening. and there was

30:57

a library, this is it, this

31:00

is like drunk history, there was

31:02

a library and in this library

31:04

was everything, we knew everything. Right.

31:06

We had all the books and

31:08

all, and then because times were

31:10

so shitty and there was just

31:13

no food and it was cold,

31:15

the like illiterate class got real...

31:17

They got antsy in their pants

31:19

and they were tired of the

31:21

kings in their leopard, their white

31:23

leopard trim, walking around with goblets

31:25

of warm mold wine and always

31:28

a drumstick. And they're like,

31:30

fuck you. And they also

31:32

got real superstitious that like

31:34

knowledge and education was like

31:36

evil and were getting away

31:38

from some primal god. So

31:41

they burned down this great

31:43

library. And then it was

31:45

literally dark for a while. Wait,

31:47

yeah, the smoke filled the sky.

31:49

The people don't know this, but

31:51

the dark ages were literally dark.

31:54

It was the sky was dark.

31:56

I'm, I, okay. And then

31:58

someone in, meanwhile, in. Rome.

32:00

I don't know what this isn't

32:02

Rome. This is like England. Yeah.

32:04

And then in Rome, Leonardo da

32:06

Vinci was like, what if men

32:08

fly? And then the skies cleared

32:10

and everyone was like, science is

32:12

good again, because there was so

32:14

much pasta. And is that there

32:16

was so much this is all

32:18

they had access to pasta by

32:20

then Christopher Columbus, they don't talk

32:22

about this Christopher Columbus went to

32:24

China first. He found pasta, brought

32:26

it back to Italy, all of

32:28

Garden when you hear your family.

32:30

And that's why there's libraries again.

32:32

Oh, because of Ravioli. Because

32:36

of Italian cookies, which we've covered tastes

32:38

like spice, right? And they're garbage. People

32:40

were eating them and they're like, you

32:43

know what, maybe I will read a

32:45

book because this cookie is not cutting

32:47

it. It's not worth it. I'd rather

32:49

Italian cookies were so bad. Yeah. And

32:51

are to this day so bad. Well,

32:53

it's the same ones that they had.

32:55

It's the same. They haven't it's the

32:57

only recipe they haven't updated. Right. And

32:59

it's the actual same cookies. It's the

33:02

same because no one's eating them. Right.

33:04

They don't they have an expiration date

33:06

of never. Yeah. So people would eat

33:08

those non sweet kind of spice cookies.

33:10

I'm picturing like a flat like it

33:12

looks like a snowflake. Yes. You know

33:14

what you mean? And you're like, Oh,

33:16

great. It's Christmas and a cookie. Then

33:18

you eat it and you're like, I'm

33:20

sorry, is this my medicine? Is this

33:23

how you've masked my medicine because you

33:25

need to mask it more. And you

33:27

somehow stomach that down because you're like,

33:29

this has to be good for me.

33:31

And then you go, all right, I'll

33:33

read a book. And that's when literacy

33:35

came. And the age of enlightenment. I

33:37

think that was after the dark ages.

33:39

And now we're in the second dark

33:42

age, you know? Well, yeah, that I

33:44

don't know or not. We're we're we

33:46

are in a weird place where there's

33:48

so much the library seems to be

33:50

again. And like everyone having information like

33:52

the Catholic Church used to like keep

33:54

the Bible from the from the congregants

33:56

because they were like, we can't these

33:58

guys And that used

34:01

to be all information. That seems

34:03

kind of right. No, I agree.

34:05

At this point. Well, think about

34:08

the books in your doctor's office,

34:10

the leatherbound books. Those had, that

34:12

was WebMD printed out. And now

34:14

we have it and we're like,

34:16

do I have non-spatial vertigo? And

34:19

they're like, you shouldn't be

34:21

reading this. That is so

34:23

interesting. Because of course I

34:25

don't, like, I would. I

34:27

see the value in being

34:29

like, make it accessible to

34:32

everyone, but then you are

34:34

sort of like, but they're

34:36

really misinterpreting everything. Speed, agree.

34:38

And using it to

34:40

like, you know, excuse

34:42

violence and terrible things.

34:44

Absolutely. So we have access to

34:47

everything, but we're the same, a lot

34:49

of us are the same, all

34:51

of us are still kind

34:53

of like animal, you know,

34:55

mammal things with. these urges

34:57

and these petty feelings and

34:59

egos and all that sort

35:01

of stuff. And then you

35:03

have the library of infinity.

35:05

And it's like, would you

35:07

like real-time satellite footage of

35:09

Pennsylvania? And you're like, yes.

35:11

I thought that the Dark

35:13

Ages, and this is probably

35:16

equally hilariously wrong, was brought

35:18

on by like maybe it

35:20

was the Crusaders, like, but just

35:22

like Christian's burning books. Maybe. Yeah,

35:24

maybe. For like, you know,

35:26

I don't remember. That's as

35:29

far as I can go. I thought the

35:31

Crusades, like all awful

35:33

things, moved civilization forward

35:35

in some sort. This is, no,

35:37

no, no, I do not stand

35:39

by the Crusades at all. I'm

35:41

just saying in the way that

35:43

atrocities tend to make somebody rich.

35:45

Because of course the Crusades are

35:48

like, seem to be about a

35:50

religion, but it's really a war

35:52

to control. Again, I sound like

35:54

I know what I'm talking about.

35:56

I don't... Maybe it did move things

35:58

forward for Christian white straight men. That's

36:00

what I'm saying. But like take

36:02

your group that's going to move

36:04

forward. And I'm, yes, I will

36:07

apologize and owe up to the

36:09

fact that that usually was straight

36:11

white European males. Yeah. That group

36:13

then gets grotesque amounts of money

36:16

and power. This sounds tricky to

36:18

talk about because that's what's happening

36:20

now. And I don't. It has

36:22

always been happening for so long.

36:24

I've been really rocking the perhaps

36:27

parable lately. I got my hair

36:29

cut. I don't think my friend

36:31

cat would mention mine, but she

36:33

seems so stressed and I wish

36:36

I had told her the perhaps

36:38

thing. It's so helpful to me.

36:40

Well, that is the thing is

36:42

I don't know. This is also

36:44

incredibly tricky to talk about, but

36:47

it's like. It

36:49

might be easier to keep an

36:51

appropriate, let's just say this as

36:53

a thought experiment, I'm not saying

36:55

this is true, but what if

36:58

it's easier to keep an appropriate

37:00

perspective, like perhaps, you know, like

37:02

Trump is saying all these scary

37:04

things, but he's not... really able

37:06

to do every single and same

37:08

thing that I told her about

37:10

the what's the Instagram account yeah

37:13

I can't remember her name now

37:15

but it's she's like then there's

37:17

more than one of them because

37:19

like the country's government teacher or

37:21

something she like calls herself that

37:23

okay but it's like a political

37:26

scientist who yeah just explains the

37:28

difference between orating and yelling about

37:30

all the things you're going to

37:32

do and the headlines and being

37:34

like this is probably what's actually

37:36

going to happen. Right, exactly. Yeah.

37:38

I was more in my comfort

37:41

zone telling you what the enlightenment

37:43

was by the way. I know.

37:45

All the pasta. And yeah and

37:47

we're probably equally wrong about this.

37:49

Well I just wanted to say

37:51

it's sorry. No go ahead. It's

37:53

just tricky for me to be

37:56

like atrocities lead to good things.

37:58

I don't know if that's true.

38:00

Right. Right. in turmoil, I'm gonna

38:02

walk away slowly from that claim.

38:04

But I do have something, yes.

38:06

No, go ahead. Oh, what else

38:08

is in my algo? Oh, yes,

38:11

okay. And then in the second

38:13

half I wanna talk about this

38:15

breakthrough in therapy I had this

38:17

morning, which was really meaningful to

38:19

me. I wanna hear about it.

38:21

Because I haven't actually heard about

38:23

it yet. Yeah, you just had

38:26

it this morning. And it's one

38:28

of the reasons I feel so

38:30

clear. Remember yesterday I was like

38:32

chunked. paralyzed with anxiety. Yeah, you

38:34

wouldn't do anything. You made me

38:36

laugh so hard. You had your

38:39

head in your hands and were

38:41

like wincing. Yeah. And then you,

38:43

this is just the magic of

38:45

Pete. You like, you were really

38:47

genuinely doing that pose. Yeah. And

38:49

then you kind of peeked out

38:51

from behind your hand and went,

38:54

nothing in my life warrants this.

38:56

Yeah. It's one of my, it's,

38:58

I just fall in love with

39:00

you over and over again every

39:02

time you are fully engrossed in

39:04

an emotion. Yeah, having it now.

39:06

And then you have a little

39:09

peek-a-boo out of it. All I

39:11

want in life from the people

39:13

that I love and for the

39:15

people I love and for myself

39:17

is just the ability to have

39:19

a real time. And I can't

39:21

always do it, but in that

39:24

moment. I was 10 out of,

39:26

I won't say 10 out of

39:28

10, but I was a good

39:30

8. Yeah. If I'm above a

39:32

7 I can't do anything. And

39:34

I just want to be like,

39:36

just everyone go away. And I

39:39

was at an 8 so I

39:41

really felt like I couldn't do

39:43

anything. But just a moment to

39:45

be like, my problems are ridiculous.

39:47

It makes me feel so safe

39:49

and I love that is so,

39:51

um... It just, it's so aligning,

39:54

you instantly like get perspective while

39:56

you're laughing and you went back

39:58

into. Yeah I had to, I

40:00

had more upset to do it.

40:02

Of course, which is totally fine, but

40:04

I just love it. And you'll do

40:07

that when you're mad. We've probably shared

40:09

this, but if you're like, you know,

40:11

sort of raging about something, you'll kind

40:13

of do it aside where you go,

40:15

I'm just being mad for fun. Which

40:18

is so great. And then my favorite

40:20

case of this, I don't know if

40:22

we shared this story on the podcast,

40:24

but we, this was years ago when

40:26

your book was coming out. And

40:28

we were at Huntington Gardens. I

40:31

know you'll know this story. Have we?

40:33

Share it again. Should I? It's one

40:35

of the greats. Okay. So one of

40:37

the greats. And then we'll go in

40:39

the midst and then we'll finish

40:41

the algo and my breakthrough just

40:43

so everyone knows where we're at.

40:45

Okay. So we were at Huntington

40:47

Gardens and we saw this, you know,

40:50

like 20 year old punk rocker who

40:52

was wearing a denim shirt that on

40:54

the or a denim jacket and on

40:56

the back it said, fuck it. Say

40:59

Lovey. And we thought that was really

41:01

funny and then like all the way

41:03

home we were just sort of like,

41:05

book it. Say Lovey. I mean.

41:08

And it was great. And then I

41:10

think like the next day you

41:12

found out that. I'm going to

41:14

interject here if you come to

41:16

a live show and you wear a

41:19

shirt that says, fuck it, Say Lovey.

41:21

I'll just, I, uh, hug, a hug

41:23

is for you. And if you make us

41:25

those shirts. We'll wear them forever. I think

41:27

I would wear it if I could say

41:30

love e-shirt. Yeah. But I, so yeah,

41:32

it was a little time after. I mean,

41:34

you'll see where this is going quickly,

41:36

so I'll just make it fast. But

41:39

your book came out. I can quickly

41:41

explain this. The proofs of my book,

41:43

which means like a rough draft of

41:45

your book is printed. to be reviewed.

41:47

And at that time I was a

41:49

little bit naive and I thought the

41:51

New York Times was going to get

41:53

this. Like it turns out the New

41:55

York Times doesn't review all books. They

41:57

certainly don't review small books from a

41:59

comedian. You know what I mean? They're

42:01

reviewing, I don't know how they pick

42:04

what they're reviewing, but they're reviewing Malcolm

42:06

Gladwell or Neil DeGroust, you know, real

42:08

books. Not to the same mind's not

42:11

real. But at that time I didn't

42:13

know that and I was like, this

42:15

is what's going to the New York

42:18

Times and I'm flipping through it and

42:20

it is two drafts ago. Yeah. So

42:22

it's like really rough, really rough. And

42:25

included like words that I put in

42:27

there so I could search for those

42:29

words. My word in documents is always

42:31

flap or flapp or flappy. So I'm

42:34

like, come back to this area. So

42:36

in the book, it would just say

42:38

flap in all caps, flappy. And I

42:41

was just like, you know, you work

42:43

on a book for so long, you're

42:45

like, this is what's going to be

42:48

reviewed. It's like the first time anybody's

42:50

seeing it. And it's old draft. And

42:52

I've improved it a lot. And it

42:55

was like filled with bullshit. Yeah. And

42:57

I was really upset. upsetting. It's like

42:59

it warranted a big response and you

43:01

did have one and it was one

43:04

of the few times where you get

43:06

really pulled in like I remember you

43:08

just were laying on the bed and

43:11

I was sort of like sitting on

43:13

the corner of the bed. and you

43:15

were like totally silent and just like

43:18

rubbing your head yeah and it was

43:20

like silent in the room for a

43:22

long time and I just kind of

43:25

kept being like I'm so sorry baby

43:27

like I don't know what to say

43:29

it's hard for me to even get

43:31

in touch with this but like doing

43:34

a writing a book is a very

43:36

like vulnerable and personal and of course

43:38

vulnerable is the right word and it

43:41

takes so much time and you're like

43:43

here we go and then it gets

43:45

launch and it's launch and it's like

43:48

Yeah, so it was probably like and

43:50

I like and I knew it was

43:52

a big deal So there was no

43:54

sort of being like it's no big

43:57

deal like you know And so we

43:59

were like that for you know, probably

44:01

a good 30 minutes where it was

44:04

really you were really going through it

44:06

and just sort of like taking deep

44:08

breaths and being silent and rubbing your

44:11

head. And then you just popped up

44:13

out of nowhere and went, fuck it,

44:15

soo obvi. And we died a little

44:18

laughing. That boy's jacket. He provided us.

44:20

He helped me. Yeah. He was right.

44:22

And by the way, I called my

44:24

editor at the time and he was

44:27

like, nobody reads those. Yeah. He was

44:29

like a, it's like a. a waste

44:31

of paper business card that lets them

44:34

know that the book will be out

44:36

eventually. Crazy. Like a save the date.

44:38

It is like a save the date.

44:41

Yeah. You just write chicken and send

44:43

it back. Yeah. Or beef. All right.

44:45

This is awesome. I'm gonna keep going

44:48

on this train. I'm very excited about

44:50

telling you Val and the audience. The

44:52

weirdos about the therapy thing. Right? That's

44:54

it, right? Yeah. But try a pizza

44:57

pack, keep the lights on. Katie, roll

44:59

that beautiful bean footage. Can I be

45:01

real with you right now? You need

45:04

a bidet. I don't care who you

45:06

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45:08

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45:11

to get some warm water shooting at

45:13

your butt. Especially now that it's day-let

45:15

savings time, which really fudges up the

45:18

whole morning routine. We need all the

45:20

help we can get. If you had

45:22

poo on your hand, would you just

45:24

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45:27

call it a day? No. You would

45:29

use water. You would wipe it away

45:31

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right, we're back. Fuck

48:46

it, say LaVie. Algo. Algo.

48:49

Well, you said donkey and speed running.

48:51

Okay, so I'm going to say

48:53

video game videos. Yeah, I

48:55

also just said like the video game

48:57

historian, people just tell the story

48:59

of NBA Jam. Yeah, yeah. It's just

49:02

so cozy. Yeah. Like you watch

49:04

Will and Grace to be cozy. I

49:06

want to be in an arcade,

49:08

specifically like watching an older kid play

49:10

a video game makes me just

49:12

feel like I have to poop. You

49:15

know that feeling? Oh, I know. Yes,

49:17

I do. I think you have to poop.

49:19

Like the bookstore phenomenon where you're so cozy,

49:21

so warm. Someone's playing lethal

49:23

enforcers and I'm like, I'm going

49:25

to poop. I love it.

49:27

I love it. I love it.

49:29

Another cozy poop scenario is when

49:31

you're playing hide and seek. Oh,

49:33

my God. And you're like under

49:35

the cupboard under the stairs and

49:38

it's so quiet and it's where

49:40

you like smell all the blankets.

49:42

You hear your own breath and you're

49:44

like, oh, my God, am I going to make

49:46

it? Oh,

49:48

my God. Okay. No

49:50

shame in breaking a hide. For

49:53

a seek was starting to pick. Okay.

49:58

Second on the. is poker.

50:00

Yep. And here's the thing.

50:03

That's what you've

50:05

been watching most

50:07

recently. I manifested

50:09

that like I like. Yeah,

50:11

you told me. But I told

50:13

you after. So literally one day

50:15

I was at a pizza

50:18

restaurant, a pizza restaurant, a

50:20

parlor, get over yourself

50:22

pizza restaurant. Oh,

50:24

you're a parlor. Oh, a

50:27

parlor. And there was poker playing on

50:29

like one of the TV's. Poker playing

50:31

at the pizza parlor? Poker playing at

50:33

the pizza parlor. And I said to

50:35

my friend, I says to him. What

50:37

do I say? What do I say?

50:40

I was like, I'm surprised Pete doesn't

50:42

watch poker. Pete doesn't watch poker that's

50:44

playing in the pizza parlor. Yeah.

50:46

And I was like, because I. I know

50:48

he likes, you used to play poker a

50:50

lot more, and it just seems like you're

50:52

a jam, like you'd be really into it.

50:55

I swear the next day I came downstairs

50:57

and you were watching poker. Really, I didn't

50:59

know that. For the first time in the

51:01

12 years that we've been together. Yeah. And

51:04

I was like, I just said that yesterday.

51:06

Wow. I just finally feel like I

51:08

have the bandwidth to watch something that

51:11

isn't totally brainless. Yeah. Because you do.

51:13

Get involved. You have to

51:15

be involved. You're watching and

51:17

you're like, all right, he

51:19

has an inside straight draw

51:22

that means an eight or

51:24

a jack wins. Otherwise, when

51:26

the eight comes and everyone's

51:28

freaking out, you don't know why.

51:30

Yeah, like you have to pay

51:32

attention. It's not just he hit

51:34

the ball. It's like he got,

51:36

he had a 2% chance. Yeah. And

51:38

I freak out. I love it. Well,

51:41

that's when I'll say like. Did

51:43

something that was unlikely to

51:45

happen happen and that's what's great

51:47

more than anything Baseball I don't

51:49

know I've seen a few baseball

51:51

games in my time and there aren't

51:54

like oh my god moments very

51:56

often Yeah, any final table of

51:58

the world poker tour Yeah There's

52:00

going to be one moment where someone

52:02

like has a full house and someone

52:05

gets four of a kind and you're

52:07

like, oh my, and I'm saying it

52:09

out loud. I'm like, oh my God.

52:11

And here's the best part, sorry to

52:13

soliloquize about this, soliloquize, soliloquize is Jamira

52:16

quies, cause. What happens is, one of

52:18

the things I like about poker is,

52:20

and you see, it's not just me.

52:22

The players and the announcers believe this.

52:24

Someone does a bad fold, like they

52:27

fold Ace King for some reason. It's

52:29

just like they weren't thinking and they

52:31

fold it. I don't want to go

52:33

on it. I'm just saying they should

52:35

have, it wouldn't be Ace King, but

52:38

let's say it's Ace Ten suited and

52:40

they fold it. And everyone's like, what

52:42

the fuck? Why? Because they're on the

52:44

short stack and they're getting blind to

52:46

death. They play a good hand and

52:49

they lose They'll say that's poker punishing

52:51

him. They don't mean it like literally

52:53

punishing him But they're like isn't it

52:55

funny that often happens if you like

52:57

dishonor the game and Don't have courage

53:00

when you're supposed to later when you

53:02

should and you do it poker is

53:04

like yeah, too little too late. I

53:06

favor the bold like I favor smart

53:09

and then Sorry, this is almost over

53:11

there's like cocky shitty players and sometimes

53:13

you want them to win like it's

53:15

it's devilish you're like I want this

53:17

guy sucks and I can't wait for

53:20

him to win why and then because

53:22

first of all it's very clear that

53:24

they're gonna win I don't know for

53:26

some reason you're just you're just like

53:28

that's poker baby that's poker this kid

53:31

is somehow It's like the fates. It

53:33

feels very like ancient Greece. It's like,

53:35

I know he's being a dick, but

53:37

the fates are with him. I feel

53:39

like I'm not fighting in the war,

53:42

but I'm in the council, I'm in

53:44

a toga, being like, yes! He's a

53:46

blow hard, but the fates are on

53:48

his back. And they're like, yeah. And

53:50

sometimes, this is better, someone who's a

53:53

douche and playing sloppy, if someone plays

53:55

bad and they like, you can see

53:57

they get cocky, there's all these things

53:59

in poker, like they get on a

54:01

roll and you can tell they want

54:04

a big hand and now the next

54:06

hand they have bullshit and they go

54:08

all in. It's because they were on

54:10

a roll and they weren't the master

54:12

of their emotion and they lose and

54:15

you're like. And I'll say out, get

54:17

the fuck out of here, that you

54:19

deserve that, like I'm mad at them.

54:21

Here's my final thought on poker, because

54:23

I don't want to be a bore.

54:26

If you grew up in a family

54:28

where no one was saying how they

54:30

actually feel. Did I say this last

54:32

time? I don't think so. Poker is

54:34

your game, because the whole skill is,

54:37

you're acting weird. Right. Someone's pretending to

54:39

have a good hand. Wow. Wow! That's

54:41

what it's like being a highly sensitive

54:43

person, not just with my family, with

54:45

everyone I've ever known. Yes. They act

54:48

like they're okay. You're not okay. Or

54:50

they act like they're not okay. They're

54:52

kind of shielding and it's like, did

54:54

you just get a fucking oral sex?

54:56

You know, I mean, oral pleasure. And

54:59

that is, so you're watching these highly

55:01

sensitive, they're always kind of a little

55:03

spectrum, maybe, they all look like. You

55:05

know, cologne. Yeah, they look like cologne.

55:07

They look like cologne. Go teas in

55:10

cologne. And they're just kind of, and

55:12

a lot of them are 22 and

55:14

they're millionaires and they're just sort of

55:16

like, wow. Then we're back to my

55:19

speed running thing. I'm like, I bet

55:21

in high school, people, your teachers punched

55:23

you in the face. Wow. I mean

55:25

that's a really interesting way to describe

55:27

poker that has made me interested in

55:30

it in the first for the first

55:32

time. Why does he know? Yeah. When

55:34

you, my favorite thing is a good

55:36

call. Again, this is almost over. Somebody,

55:38

so it's. It's hold them obviously, and

55:41

you can see their whole cards, you

55:43

know what they have. And someone who

55:45

has been playing well and has had

55:47

cards, meaning like you are kind of

55:49

tracking unconsciously their luck, or they do,

55:52

like. or this guy never plays unless

55:54

he has a good game. So someone

55:56

who is winning a lot, he goes

55:58

all in and he's played it exactly

56:00

how you would play it if you

56:03

had two aces. He did everything they

56:05

call it representing. He represented two aces

56:07

and they call it a two aces

56:09

and they call it a continuation bet.

56:11

He has two seven but he bets

56:14

again and again he keeps raising it.

56:16

He's doing everything someone with two aces

56:18

would do. This guy has two sixes

56:20

and he calls it. For his whole

56:22

stack all of his money. Yeah, nothing

56:25

makes me happier. Yeah, because I go

56:27

that's right you fucking bitch That's what

56:29

I did. I couldn't be more into

56:31

it when someone it's like standing up

56:33

to a bully It's one of the

56:36

reasons I'm not great at poker because

56:38

I don't like being bullied. I think

56:40

I'm pretty good at it, but I

56:42

have an ego about it. Yeah, and

56:44

I'm like you're not gonna bully me.

56:47

But when someone has a six cents

56:49

cents and just goes like I In

56:51

the tilt of your head lets me

56:53

and tells like someone looks at their

56:55

chips if they look at their cars

56:58

and then they look at their chips

57:00

That's a tell because they're thinking about

57:02

how much they're gonna bet Wow and

57:04

someone with a bad hand and they

57:06

bet too quickly too much like why

57:09

would you bet that much if you

57:11

wanted me? to call you. You don't

57:13

want me to call you. You're having

57:15

a bad day, dad, aren't you? Like

57:17

that's the game of the highly sensitive.

57:20

It really is. It totally is. I

57:22

think you could get into it. I

57:24

think I could maybe. You certainly don't

57:26

need to, but it's... I don't know

57:29

if I was like playing it, but

57:31

I might get into watching it. Well,

57:33

you have to be mean, a little

57:35

mean to play it. You have to

57:37

want to... I don't like... I don't

57:40

like the conflict, I don't like... I

57:42

don't like... I don't like... I don't

57:44

like... I don't like... I don't like...

57:46

I don't like... I don't like... I

57:48

don't like... I don't like... I don't

57:51

like... I don't like... I don't like...

57:53

I don't like... I don't like... I

57:55

don't like... I don't like... I don't

57:57

like... I don't like... I don't like...

57:59

I don't Not to be gender normative,

58:02

but it gives me like a healthy

58:04

way to kind of let out some

58:06

of that aggression of like, like

58:08

when I play guards and someone doesn't

58:10

believe me and I have it,

58:13

that's also an amazing feeling. You're

58:15

like, you thought I was full

58:17

of shit, but papa, it feels

58:19

right. But it's also a really

58:22

fun feeling when you lose

58:24

because you're really alive, sucks,

58:26

but you're alive, right. Yeah, I mean

58:28

I do like games. I would

58:30

love for Lila to

58:32

see, I was thinking

58:35

about this, that I have

58:37

some recurring thing. with friends. So

58:39

I would love to have some

58:42

sort of poker night. Oh yeah.

58:44

That she could then play in.

58:47

Yeah, that would be cute. Because

58:49

this is like one of

58:51

those cultural things. We don't

58:53

have the indoctrinating the child.

58:55

So poker is so clearly

58:57

a grown-up thing and you

58:59

let Lila play and you

59:01

teach her. Honestly, cunning sounds

59:03

so bad, but it's like you

59:06

teach them to be... Mindful.

59:08

Like sometimes you watch somebody make

59:10

a terrible call and then they

59:12

interview them afterwards and they're like,

59:15

I thought I saw something. Like

59:17

it wasn't just, I'm not an

59:19

idiot. Right. I thought I saw something

59:21

and I was wrong. Wow. I thought

59:23

I saw a flash of weakness or

59:25

insecurity or something. I'm all about it.

59:27

Look how juiced I am. I know

59:29

you really are juiced. There was a

59:32

cute little season in my life where

59:34

my brother... Still lived at our house.

59:36

So I think he was 19 and

59:38

I was 14 and I would stay

59:41

up and watch Conan And he would

59:43

teach me how to play poker and

59:45

like we I don't I don't know

59:48

if I even really remember how to

59:50

play I'm sure it would come back

59:52

to me. Yeah, it was Texas hold

59:54

them though I think yeah, well, that's

59:57

also what's fun is is is in

59:59

the same way that when we go

1:00:01

to Disneyland we tell Lila what

1:00:03

we're going to do and that

1:00:05

gives her makes her calm in

1:00:07

an overwhelming situation. Poker is like,

1:00:09

no, a full house beats a

1:00:11

straight and you don't have to

1:00:14

debate it. It's very concrete. You

1:00:16

did it and and sometimes you

1:00:18

should have won and you didn't

1:00:20

and you just watch these these

1:00:22

people dealing with the complicated feelings

1:00:24

of life. You played it perfectly

1:00:26

and you lost. They call it

1:00:28

getting sucked out. You got, I

1:00:30

know that sounds dirty, but it's

1:00:32

like, you got sucked out. They

1:00:34

call it, I know, they call

1:00:36

it the swings too, like the

1:00:38

ups and the downs. It's like

1:00:41

people quit playing poker because they

1:00:43

can't handle the swings. Oh. Some

1:00:45

people can't handle the swings. Anyway.

1:00:47

Wow. All right. We don't have

1:00:49

a lot of time. Yeah. But

1:00:51

okay, the last one on your

1:00:53

algo. which I don't think has

1:00:55

much, uh... Like it's not a

1:00:57

rant. Yeah, thank you for knowing

1:00:59

what I meant, is a pitch

1:01:01

meeting. Oh yeah, Ryan George. You

1:01:03

love pitch meetings. Well I don't

1:01:05

have time to watch movies. And

1:01:08

pitch meeting. Because you're watching so

1:01:10

much poker and video. Well, what

1:01:12

am I going to do? Throw

1:01:14

on a cinematic experience while I

1:01:16

don't. You could be down in

1:01:18

10 minutes. You could be down

1:01:20

in 35. I know you understand.

1:01:22

But I'm not going to throw

1:01:24

on a movie. And when you

1:01:26

and I watch a movie, we

1:01:28

watch it in two parts. It's

1:01:30

not quite the experience the director

1:01:32

intended. So we usually watch things

1:01:35

we've already seen. Any who's a

1:01:37

lose. Oh, the waters here. Yeah.

1:01:39

Yeah, so Ryan George has this

1:01:41

series called Pitch Meeting, which I've

1:01:43

actually told some of my screenwriter

1:01:45

friends about. And sometimes they've written

1:01:47

movies that he kind of parodies.

1:01:49

Oh, really? Yeah, and I don't

1:01:51

send it to them, but I'm

1:01:53

like, if you're curious. But they

1:01:55

always know. They know the plot

1:01:57

holes in their own movies. Totally.

1:01:59

Yeah. And he's... It's interesting because

1:02:02

there is a way where... I

1:02:04

think initially when I was watching

1:02:06

those videos, like, you know, in

1:02:08

my periphery while you were watching

1:02:10

them, I was like, oh, this

1:02:12

is like really snarky. Like, anybody

1:02:14

can tear anything apart. Like, that's

1:02:16

not that impressive. But the more

1:02:18

I've seen it, the more I'm

1:02:20

like, for some reason, that's not

1:02:22

really, because it's literally like, he's

1:02:24

doing every movie, basically, even like,

1:02:26

the most beloved movie, like, you

1:02:29

get a sense of it. That

1:02:31

that evens the playing field where

1:02:33

you're just like right life is

1:02:35

imperfect I think it's clear that

1:02:37

he loves movies But it also

1:02:39

I don't know I won't do

1:02:41

a full rant, but I think

1:02:43

if you're not going to watch

1:02:45

a movie But you want to

1:02:47

know what what it is and

1:02:49

what's funny about it? Yeah, it's

1:02:51

it's worth watching because he points

1:02:53

out everything that's that's sort of

1:02:56

wrong about it, but in a

1:02:58

very funny way Yeah, all right

1:03:00

so real quick after what I

1:03:02

think is an overdue light nice

1:03:04

silly episode I just want to

1:03:06

say So yesterday I was feeling

1:03:08

so chunked and stodgy and blocked,

1:03:10

literally blocked, like my whole life,

1:03:12

head in hand, head in hand,

1:03:14

just seemed so paralytically overwhelming. I

1:03:16

just couldn't do it. And what's

1:03:18

the difference? Well, I did therapy

1:03:20

today and... You know

1:03:22

often you don't even want to

1:03:25

do it like a lot of

1:03:27

times. I'm like, I just want

1:03:29

to cancel it. Just get into

1:03:31

it. Yeah, and I'm like Anyway,

1:03:33

but it's parts where it gets

1:03:35

internal family systems and we're sitting

1:03:37

down and you know, you never

1:03:40

know what's going to happen and

1:03:42

We just went there and this

1:03:44

is the breakthrough I've always thought

1:03:46

of my family growing up as

1:03:48

as these four orbs. Maybe I've

1:03:50

even said that on the show

1:03:53

there was no emeshment It was

1:03:55

like mom was her own little

1:03:57

planet dad was his own little

1:03:59

planet I was my own little

1:04:01

planet my brother and we were

1:04:03

completely separate and we were just

1:04:05

kind of in the house and

1:04:08

I was looking for my time

1:04:10

to like go out and prove

1:04:12

myself. And we've talked about the

1:04:14

fighting and the sort of stuff

1:04:16

that was in my childhood. And

1:04:18

then today we just got in

1:04:20

touch with my, I was talking

1:04:23

to my child's self, like my

1:04:25

seven year old self, and it

1:04:27

was really beautiful. It was just

1:04:29

kind of what you always do,

1:04:31

like approaching a deer with berries

1:04:33

in your hand. It's always just

1:04:35

like... I understand you and I

1:04:38

love you and I respect you

1:04:40

and I'm not trying to change

1:04:42

you or get rid of you

1:04:44

or it's all this like love

1:04:46

love love love love. And then

1:04:48

really with a good heap a

1:04:50

good court of doubt that it's

1:04:53

not going to work being like

1:04:55

can you tell me about yourself

1:04:57

can you tell me what your

1:04:59

experience is like I realize I've

1:05:01

had this interpretation of my childhood

1:05:03

as like we were these four

1:05:05

separate Things and again my parents

1:05:08

didn't really get along we've covered

1:05:10

that and so there it was

1:05:12

a routine thing we would go

1:05:14

to our rooms and there would

1:05:16

be like you know Fireworks, and

1:05:18

I was like bad fireworks. Yeah,

1:05:20

not good And then today he

1:05:23

answered me and you know, I

1:05:25

didn't get the full download But

1:05:27

like some images came back the

1:05:29

routine of my father pulling in

1:05:31

the gravel driveway and us going

1:05:33

upstairs without saying anything. That was

1:05:35

very clear. But then here's the

1:05:38

thing, I'm not just trying to

1:05:40

bum everybody out, there was a

1:05:42

breakthrough. And I was like, oh

1:05:44

my God, he was showing me

1:05:46

that it's actually the opposite, that

1:05:48

it wasn't four entities, that it

1:05:51

was me, the whole thing. was

1:05:53

me. So if there was something

1:05:55

in our family that was broken

1:05:57

or twisted, I'm broken, I'm twisted,

1:05:59

I'm yelling at mom, mom's yelling

1:06:01

at me, like it's me. And

1:06:03

I go out into the world

1:06:06

so urgently to tap dance because

1:06:08

I feel not just broke, but

1:06:10

twisted is the right word, like

1:06:12

wrong. And that explains so much

1:06:14

of my personality to go, and

1:06:16

I like my personality. I'm just

1:06:18

saying I would go out and

1:06:21

be like, I'm not twisted, right?

1:06:23

Check out this magic trick, you

1:06:25

know what I mean? Because it

1:06:27

was the opposite. It wasn't, I

1:06:29

had no sense as a child.

1:06:31

My parents are fighting. My parents

1:06:33

don't get along. It was me,

1:06:36

it was one membrane and it

1:06:38

was the opposite of four separate

1:06:40

things. It was one thing and

1:06:42

everything that happened was a reflection

1:06:44

on me. And that's why to

1:06:46

this day. It started because my

1:06:48

dad texted me something sweet today,

1:06:51

and on one very surface level,

1:06:53

he can just be like, that's

1:06:55

very nice. And then you're like,

1:06:57

but also, why does that mean

1:06:59

so much? And when he takes

1:07:01

me something that's like an ask

1:07:03

or something, like he's asking for

1:07:06

something, why is that so challenging?

1:07:08

Why do I feel like I

1:07:10

have to do it? It's because

1:07:12

there's still parts of me that

1:07:14

feels completely. identified entangled with that

1:07:16

setup and you can't see clearly

1:07:18

that's why we always say I

1:07:21

don't live there anymore but the

1:07:23

reason you don't is because when

1:07:25

you were there you didn't even

1:07:27

have autonomy then it was you

1:07:29

downstairs I don't mean in a

1:07:31

non-dual high flute and philosophical way

1:07:33

I mean I'm like that's me

1:07:36

everything that happens in this house

1:07:38

is me. You were mashed with

1:07:40

it all. And it's a reflection

1:07:42

on me. Yeah. And there were

1:07:44

parts of that system that were

1:07:46

deeply broken. And then that leads

1:07:48

to me being like, I am

1:07:51

deeply broken. I'm twisted. I'm dirty.

1:07:53

I'm, oh, and the shame. So

1:07:55

much shame that like, it seems

1:07:57

like. you watch movies and people

1:07:59

are dipping people in kissing and

1:08:01

dancing and laughing and I'm just

1:08:04

like wild and like and you

1:08:06

know so you're like embarrassed and

1:08:08

all of the stuff and I

1:08:10

was like I know this is

1:08:12

maybe feels like an overshir

1:08:14

but I'm like I want to shout it

1:08:17

from the roost because all I'm trying to

1:08:19

do is Like, summoning salt, smelling

1:08:21

salt myself into reality and

1:08:23

go, that wasn't true then?

1:08:25

And that isn't true now.

1:08:27

And the only strategy I

1:08:29

have is to speak it

1:08:31

and repeat it and include

1:08:33

you, include the listeners, if

1:08:36

this is applicable to your

1:08:38

journey, it's like, let's talk

1:08:40

about it, let's not be

1:08:42

ashamed. A little kid was

1:08:44

confused and thought. I am this. And

1:08:46

then you have to be like, you are

1:08:48

not that. And then you go like, but

1:08:51

I am though. And it's like, well,

1:08:53

let's keep talking about it

1:08:55

then, because you don't believe me

1:08:57

yet. Right. And I'll just keep

1:08:59

telling you. I'll just keep holding

1:09:02

the light. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I

1:09:04

think that's an angle. I'm

1:09:06

sorry Val. We're out of

1:09:08

time. An incredibly relatable thing.

1:09:10

Like I think when they're

1:09:13

especially... complex trauma which we've

1:09:15

talked about are complex PTSD

1:09:17

where it's just so disorienting

1:09:19

more than anything because it's

1:09:21

not like one big event

1:09:23

that then you can contextualize

1:09:26

and say this one big

1:09:28

event happened and I am

1:09:30

traumatized from it. It's tiny,

1:09:32

you know, it's night after

1:09:34

night running up the stairs

1:09:36

when you're dead. pulls into

1:09:39

the driveway and like not

1:09:41

knowing that that's trauma until

1:09:43

you're in your 40s, you

1:09:45

know, and like all of the

1:09:47

years of of disorientation

1:09:50

and like confusion that

1:09:52

that causes. So there's sort

1:09:55

of that like that the

1:09:57

child self feeling that like

1:09:59

not. why things feel so

1:10:01

bad. And also, it is like

1:10:03

in a child's nature to just

1:10:06

assume that everything is their fault.

1:10:08

I don't know, it might be,

1:10:11

you know, a biological response

1:10:13

to not being abandoned, but it's

1:10:15

like we take, we take, the

1:10:17

children will take everything on. So,

1:10:20

oh, that's what it is. I've

1:10:22

heard it explained this way. It's

1:10:25

better to assume that you are

1:10:27

flawed as the child than to

1:10:29

assume that the people who are

1:10:32

in charge of your survival

1:10:34

are flawed. Oh wow. That's far

1:10:36

more dangerous for a child to

1:10:39

believe. So they will make their

1:10:41

is usually making them the wrong

1:10:43

one. So your parents are fighting,

1:10:46

it would be way more dangerous

1:10:48

for you at that time to

1:10:51

admit that these people aren't, you

1:10:53

know, totally. conscious and enlightened, that

1:10:55

could be true. That could be

1:10:58

true. Yeah, yeah, you're right. For

1:11:00

you to be like, this is

1:11:03

somehow on me, I'm doing this,

1:11:05

I'm bad. Right, right. So the

1:11:07

emeshment makes perfect sense. And yeah,

1:11:10

you're so right that the game

1:11:12

of it is, if for lack

1:11:15

of a better term, is to

1:11:17

like just keep showing up

1:11:19

to your child self and saying

1:11:21

like, that's not. Yeah. Where we

1:11:24

are anymore, and it wasn't true

1:11:26

then and it's not true now

1:11:29

Just over and over and over

1:11:31

and over until it believes you

1:11:33

which honestly I have experienced of

1:11:36

course I still get really Disregulated

1:11:38

and confused sometimes and and

1:11:40

will Be pulled into my child

1:11:43

self, but I really feel like

1:11:45

my relationship with my child self

1:11:47

over the last six years of

1:11:50

really steady trauma therapy, my relationship

1:11:52

with my child's self has changed

1:11:55

where she's sort of relaxed back.

1:11:57

And even when she starts to

1:11:59

get all worked up, there's like

1:12:02

a shorthand, like she just,

1:12:04

she believes my adult self more.

1:12:06

Yeah, same. Yeah. Because I had

1:12:09

a moment and there was a

1:12:11

desire to respond with anger and

1:12:13

I was like, I got it.

1:12:16

Yeah. And the impulse still is

1:12:18

there, but you're just like, yes.

1:12:21

Thank you. Yeah, appreciate that. And

1:12:23

there was a time early

1:12:25

on when I was, first of

1:12:27

all, I couldn't get my child

1:12:30

self to come out and trust

1:12:32

me to talk to me even

1:12:35

for like a year. And I

1:12:37

mean, she had been so exiled

1:12:39

that she didn't really trust it.

1:12:42

And then, and then it felt

1:12:44

like there were a couple

1:12:46

more years of like, I'm trying

1:12:49

to tell her that she's safe,

1:12:51

but she doesn't. believe me, but

1:12:53

I'm just going to keep trying

1:12:56

to tell her that, you know.

1:12:58

I get some of that. Yeah,

1:13:01

there are certain parts that are

1:13:03

like, all right. Yeah. Is that

1:13:05

what we have to say to

1:13:08

get out of this? It's

1:13:10

like crowd work. What do you

1:13:12

do? I'm a waiter. Is that

1:13:15

what you need? Like what? Yeah,

1:13:17

right. Yeah. Well, good work as

1:13:19

usual. Very, very proud of you.

1:13:22

Oh, thanks. Hello darkness my old

1:13:24

friend it felt like you went

1:13:27

into it. No I wasn't I

1:13:29

was reading what I wrote

1:13:31

on that note. Why does it

1:13:33

say Black Friday? Oh these are

1:13:36

notes I think only wanted stored

1:13:38

special I think these are just

1:13:41

things I have to do. Anyway

1:13:43

one of them Black Friday I

1:13:45

don't know. Did you write that

1:13:48

when you were... We got our

1:13:50

Black Friday sale? Maybe, I don't

1:13:53

know. The generator? That's right.

1:13:55

We have a generator. And we're

1:13:57

And we're country

1:14:00

folk now. That's right.

1:14:02

All right, babies. We

1:14:05

let the raccoon run

1:14:07

it. run it. Our Our raccoon. for

1:14:09

Well, thanks for listening,

1:14:12

everybody. Yeah, loved it,

1:14:14

needed it. it, it, needed

1:14:16

it, and go ahead and

1:14:18

keep it it crispy.