0:00

Thumbtack presents the ins and outs of

0:02

caring for your home. Out.

0:04

Uncertainty. Self-doubt. Stressing about not

0:06

knowing where to start. In.

0:08

Plans and guides that make

0:10

it easy to get home

0:12

projects done. Out. Word

0:14

art. Sorry, live-laugh lovers. In.

0:17

Knowing what to do, when

0:19

to do it, and who to hire. Start

0:21

caring for your home with confidence.

0:24

Download Thumbtack today. Black

0:28

Friday is Alienware's biggest sale of the year.

0:30

Don't miss these limited time deals on the

0:32

latest gaming PCs. Get ready to stream, create,

0:34

and compete at the highest levels while pushing

0:36

your gameplay beyond performance with Intel Core Ultra

0:38

processors. It's the perfect time of year to

0:40

upgrade your gaming setup because these are Alienware's

0:43

lowest prices of the year. You can save

0:45

right now and get free shipping no matter

0:47

how big or small the order. And it's

0:49

not just high-performance gaming PCs on sale. Be

0:51

sure to check out the wide selection of

0:53

incredible gaming accessories for every extra advantage. Hurry

0:55

though, savings on leading-edge gaming technology to conquer

0:57

the competition. Are only here for

0:59

limited time. Shop now

1:01

at alienware.com/deals. Again, that's

1:03

alienware.com/deals. Dungeons

1:09

and Dices brought to you this week

1:11

by Etsy. Hey, Dungeons and Dices listeners.

1:14

Etsy had a baby Etsy boy. Etsy

1:16

knows what kind of holiday gifting reactions

1:18

you're looking for this year. You want.

1:20

Thank you. Thank you. You want. Oh,

1:22

geez. Oh, thank you. Just what

1:24

I wanted, but didn't know about it. Designed gifs

1:26

from small shops on Etsy. I just bought a

1:28

cat thing on Etsy. I bought it right before

1:30

we got on to tour. It's going to be,

1:32

I think, waiting for me when I get home.

1:34

Oh, yeah. A little cat, like it's like a

1:36

cat bookshelf thing that was like custom made by

1:39

a furniture person. It works for me and

1:41

my cat, little bookshelf where you can put

1:43

things. I can put my pottery and it's

1:45

got a little internal system for my cat.

1:47

Books down. Yeah, exactly. Etsy makes it so

1:49

simple to find original items that will make

1:51

whoever I'm shopping for feel extra special. Shop

1:53

Etsy this holiday season for personalized jewelry, custom

1:55

artwork, cozy style items, vintage pieces and home

1:57

decor. I did that. My mom also sells

2:00

vintage pieces. To celebrate your mom is a

2:02

vintage piece. Hello to celebrate all of your

2:04

favorite people and their specific kind of special

2:06

for original gifts That say I get you

2:08

Etsy has it Dungeons

2:12

and Daddies is brought to you this

2:14

week by progressive insurance fiscally responsible financial

2:16

geniuses monetary Magicians these are things people

2:18

say about drivers who switch their car

2:20

insurance to progressive and save hundreds Because

2:22

progressive offers discounts for paying in full

2:24

owning a home and more plus you

2:26

can count on their great customer Service

2:28

to help you when you need it.

2:30

So your dollar goes a long way

2:32

visit progressive.com to see if you could

2:34

save on car insurance Progressive

2:36

casualty insurance company and affiliates potential savings will

2:39

vary not available in all states or situations

2:42

Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy horny

2:45

violent podcast for grown-ups content warnings can

2:47

be found in the episode description Here

2:52

it is Trudy's dream

2:54

house a wonderful new

2:56

home for Tucker's beautiful new wife

2:59

Trudy It's completely furnished

3:01

with Trudy's own sewing machine cuckoo

3:04

clock baby blanket and

3:06

go bag and look a

3:09

roomy closet to put away all

3:11

of Trudy's Stuffy old dreams and

3:14

desires you'll have fun

3:16

cooking the food cleaning the floor

3:18

folding the laundry washing the dishes

3:20

Changing the diapers and of course

3:23

nursing the baby a lady's privilege

3:27

Fruity's dream house is truly a

3:29

wish come Trudy And

3:31

look the whole house and everything in

3:33

it falls up into the prettiest little

3:35

cage to keep Trudy safe and sound

3:38

Tucker will appreciate that Just

3:41

try running away from Trudy's dream house

3:44

Go ahead and try Abandon our

3:46

newborn son and the only man who will

3:48

ever love us Because

3:52

wherever you run I'll be there too and

3:54

I'll drag us back here by the fucking

3:56

hair if I have to Welcome

4:12

to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM

4:14

podcast. It's a peachy

4:16

podcast this season. The peachyville horror, a

4:18

call of Cthulhu actual play horror comedy

4:21

podcast about four, now four,

4:23

everyday Schmoes, finding the forces of darkness.

4:25

You haven't joined us. I'm in the

4:27

mix. No, you're not. I'm in the

4:29

mix. I'm in the mix. So says

4:31

the DM. So say we are. He's in the mix.

4:34

The kid stays in the picture. Four everyday Schmoes fighting the

4:36

forces of darkness in suburban 1950s America. I'm

4:40

pretty wobbly. I play

4:42

deep thinking plumber, Blake

4:44

Lively. This week's Blake fact as

4:46

he wrestles with a pterodactyl. Like

4:50

what the fuck? Well, people will find out.

4:52

We're thinking that we're being sent back in

4:54

time. We'll see what else is going on.

4:56

But this week's Blake fact. Blake as a

4:59

plumber has a favorite plumbing implement. The

5:01

P trap. The P trap? But here's the

5:04

crazy thing. It doesn't trap P. What does

5:06

it do? It prevents the

5:08

gases from the sewer line to getting

5:10

into your home. Okay. Okay.

5:13

That's it. Is the P trap. That's

5:16

a real fact. It's a real fact. I love the

5:18

P trap. Cool. I

5:22

love the P trap. It's quite very

5:25

smart. We haven't met him yet. It's okay. Yeah.

5:28

Yeah. We're slowly learning. Hey

5:30

everybody. My name is Matthew Arnold. I play

5:33

Kelsey Grammer, a peachyville's happiest and snappiest school mom. And you know

5:35

what she always says, whether or not a glass is half full

5:37

or empty depends on whether you plan on filling it up or

5:39

drinking it. Okay. Oh, right. Does

5:41

that mean? I don't know. Do you

5:43

know what it means? No, I don't. Just

5:46

think about it. A little fact about Kelsey is

5:48

that her favorite food, and this is the thing that she gets in

5:50

trouble with. This is the one, the only time she ever been in

5:52

trouble at school. Okay. I don't resist a

5:55

fucking perfect PB and J, which

5:58

means, and like so many kids. cathole

12:03

Excuse me, there's a scene between marbles and Marbles

12:07

as you know, I have the shitting pond

12:09

and the drinking pond very important not to

12:11

miss those two up. Yes If

12:17

you have the wealth of many ponds Asking

12:22

you to think about the logistics because like a

12:24

pond is like it's ground and then water and

12:26

it's a lot of water That's

12:28

why I'm building a dock out to the middle

12:30

of the shifting pond and then if you were

12:32

to Miscalculate trip backwards startled

12:34

by any wild animal you would be

12:36

falling into the pond of shit at

12:39

first I was doing this but I

12:41

was using vines to hold myself up

12:44

bits of water For

12:46

toilets is who is a movement

12:48

device to move the poop somewhere

12:50

else? He's

12:58

on the ground. Why is he making

13:00

a Predators

13:05

all right. Hey, yeah, yeah, I'm dropping. I'm

13:07

dropping. Here's what I'm doing your character I'm

13:09

sorry lake is building a dock okay out

13:11

into the middle of his poop pond So

13:14

that he can deposit his poops into the middle of the

13:16

pond. Okay. Okay. Good. I'm glad

13:18

they're there As

13:22

you are building we'll say that you

13:24

drop your bundle of bones that you

13:26

building with your poop deck with So-to-speak.

13:28

Yes the pack as you do that

13:30

you hear a noise off in the

13:32

distance You hear the sound of a

13:34

motorcycle engine So my

13:37

guy is like a handyman. Mm-hmm. So I

13:39

wonder if I can get any more information

13:41

Sure, give me a role cycle. Everyone did level

13:44

up. Yes. I did. I gave everyone a homework

13:46

They're all supposed to level up twice. So if

13:48

their skills are shipped blame them not me. Yep.

13:50

I failed one level up I got another one.

13:52

I got a little bit more spy hidden baby

13:54

the spy hidden train You can treat yourself to

13:56

many skills, right? You don't have to just multiple

13:58

skills. I was very I'm

14:00

gonna be very clear about this. I'm gonna do more.

14:02

I'm gonna do only two levels up. No, you get

14:04

two per whatever. You get to level

14:06

up twice per skill that you have used.

14:08

Can I choose to... Do you wanna just

14:11

all in on spotting? No.

14:14

Okay, thank you. As I was asking,

14:16

that's really funny. Les, you can explain to me

14:18

how using those other skills led to you being

14:20

better at spotting in. When I was being stealthy,

14:22

I was spotting hidden things. You knew what it

14:24

was like to be hidden because you were hiding.

14:27

That was fine, that's why I'll upgrade other stuff.

14:30

Freddy, what are we rolling? What are we doing? I'll

14:32

just roll Listen. Okay. Do

14:35

you want like advantage as you know what cars are?

14:37

I rolled an 89. What is

14:39

that strange sound of beasts? Okay, what would

14:41

you like to do? You hear it rumbling

14:44

off in the distance. Obviously, hide. I wanna

14:46

get hype. This fucking game. Freddy,

14:48

there's a motorcycle sound. I

14:50

wanna roll Listen. It's

14:54

still a motorcycle. I love TTRPGs. Losing

14:57

my mind. I wanna get some height. I

15:00

wanna pull up onto a tree. Great, I love that. You scurry

15:02

up a tree. Like the high hide in Lost

15:04

World. There you go, like the high hide. From

15:06

my Lost World heads. Ha ha ha ha ha ha

15:08

ha ha. And you see

15:11

down in the clearing beneath you

15:13

in this mysterious tropical

15:15

world you find yourself in, you see

15:17

a man on a motorcycle kind of

15:19

idling to a stop. I ready my

15:21

battle coconut. Your battle coconut, okay great.

15:23

Are there coconuts in the jungle? It's

15:25

only tropical. They have some mysterious fruit

15:27

you've never seen before. I

15:30

called a coconut. Cause I've never seen a coconut before either. You've

15:33

never seen, why would you call it a coconut if you've never

15:35

seen one before? That's what I figured. I

15:37

heard, oh here's what I heard. You heard

15:40

of coconuts, but I've never seen a picture

15:42

of a coconut. And this looks like a

15:44

coconut. Okay, great. So you ready your coconuts

15:46

and this man down in the clearing beneath

15:48

you, he starts digging a hole in the

15:51

ground. He's wearing a lab coat. He's got

15:53

dark black hair. Do you, have you met

15:55

Tucker before? I knew it. I might recognize

15:57

him as someone who was in Peachyville. Okay.

24:00

like a tear forming down her eyes she's

24:02

nodding. I said no

24:04

and everything's fine and clearly I did what we

24:06

all would have done and I didn't make a

24:08

mistake. Chelsea, I have to

24:10

say that when people from now on will

24:12

tell me that everything is fine, I'm inclined

24:14

to not believe that. Same, I just can't

24:16

trust adults. No, I think those are both

24:19

good instincts and I don't think everything's gonna

24:21

be fine. I just think we need to

24:23

find the green key and Zuzo's

24:25

our lord and we'll figure out a way. Oh my

24:27

god! I mean, I mean.

24:29

While on the upside, you've gotten promoted to being

24:31

in front of us all the time. No,

24:35

that's good. Very well stand in front of

24:37

them, lead them to their doom, Kelsey. Oh,

24:42

guys, I hear you talk to you now. Shh. No,

24:45

no. Tell them nothing unless you wish

24:47

to suffer dormant. Let's

24:50

go forward. Okay. And

24:52

look for a green key. Otherwise,

24:56

nothing. Oh my god! Oh

24:58

my god! As

25:01

you step forward, you hear the voice of Tucker Trout barking

25:05

at you over a loud scream. Hey,

25:07

what the heck do you think

25:10

you're doing? Oh, we know the strip, we can't talk back to

25:12

it. Don't you know that the research department is

25:15

closed on Sundays? This

25:17

is director Tucker Trout reminding you that Sunday

25:19

is the Lord's Day, even at Project Heartland.

25:21

So turn back immediately, head to your home

25:23

and spend the day with your family, silly.

25:26

Oh no, he's a Christian? I can't kill another Christian.

25:28

Or face disciplinary action. Message

25:30

repeats. Hey, what the heck?

25:32

You're in someone, at least. All right, well, here's

25:35

the thing. He

25:37

was never home on Sundays either. I

25:40

think he was here. Oh, he's not practicing then, fuck it.

25:42

No, I think he probably worked here. He probably, because it's

25:44

his rule, so he can work here on Sundays. He can

25:46

work here on Sundays. Do you go into his basement and

25:49

just knock him out? Well, yeah. Okay.

25:52

Well, we got a demon who can fuck stuff up now,

25:54

so that's I guess one point my favor. Sue,

25:56

so. Don't lie to me again, Kelsey. Yeah.

30:00

Into a wall. I see, I see. We should shoot the

30:02

first thing that comes out of there. We should blast this

30:04

wall. Was that thud? Is that the way the door works?

30:06

Was that like a thud, like a lock? Oh, I get

30:08

it. Try to open it again. I keep trying to open

30:10

the door. Oh, okay. You open the door. From your side.

30:12

That's what he's a Jesus. What a big door. What was

30:14

that thud? Why was the door so big if you could

30:16

open it that easily? It's not locked. Is there a way

30:18

for Freddy to open it on the other side? No,

30:21

it was just the wall. It looks like it's

30:23

nothing. So guys, we do have the opportunity to

30:25

the fucks. You know what? I think

30:27

we should maybe check out the other hallways first. Cause it says

30:29

you have to close the other doors first. It seems like whatever

30:31

is in here might be like really dangerous. I didn't want to

30:33

prepare by going to the other hallways. I got to hear what

30:35

that thud is though. I'm sorry. I continued

30:37

to open the door. So

30:40

you open the door. There's

30:43

a big pneumatic hiss as it pops open.

30:45

And then you see there's like a little

30:47

light up display on the wall next to

30:49

the door that marks four doors in the

30:51

same place. And you see that right now two

30:53

of them are lit up. The door to the north is

30:55

lit up in the door. You're at the southern doors also lit up as you

30:57

popped it open. The door slides open and

30:59

you see this incredible Jurassic tableau before you trees, jungle, everything.

31:07

And then you see a bedraggled

31:09

disheveled bearded bone wielding plumber. It

31:11

does move with beard. And you

31:13

also see a T-Rex thundering up

31:15

behind him. No.

31:20

Dungeons and Dices brought to

31:22

you this week by PrettyLitter.

31:25

Cats. Cats. Cats

31:29

or fickle beings? Especially when it comes to

31:31

cat litter. It's like a

31:33

whole process. You got to figure out like what

31:35

cat litter your cat's going to like, you know,

31:38

figure out on their end. And their little cat

31:40

brains. Sometimes they're both. They're both. They're both. They're

31:43

both. They're both. They're both.

31:45

They're both. Yeah. Sometimes

31:48

their paws don't agree with the litter and stuff

31:50

like that. You know, they check out if you

31:52

don't got the right litter in there. But two

31:54

out of two cats in my home for

31:57

a pretty little in one hundred. My cat as

31:59

well. Whatsoever pretty litter has

32:01

a non clumping formula which traps odor

32:03

and moisture It's ultra absorbent It's

32:05

lightweight low dust and one six pound bag

32:07

works for up to a month and also

32:09

pretty litter has unique color changing crystal technology

32:12

This was only theorized when I was in

32:14

school in the 90s But now it is

32:16

true urinary tract infections kidney issues and more

32:18

you can see it coming with pretty litters

32:20

crystal tech And it wasn't up pretty little

32:22

ships free right to my door crystal tech

32:24

in the copy. That's cool words Hey

32:27

guys, pretty litter crystal tech crystal tech I don't

32:29

have huge kitty litter bags hanging up space and

32:31

I have to lug those huge bags from the

32:33

store to my car and Into my house, but

32:35

the mail do that the odor

32:37

trapping is by the way really big fan.

32:39

It's pretty good Yeah, it's definitely better than

32:42

other litters I've used go to pretty litter

32:44

comm slash dungeons to save 20% on your

32:46

first order and get a free cat toy

32:49

As pretty litter comm slash dungeons to save

32:51

20% on your first order and get a

32:53

free cat toy pretty litter comm Dungeons

32:56

terms and conditions apply seaside for details. Yeah,

32:58

I mean, yeah Dungeons

33:01

that is brought to you this week by mint

33:03

mobile with big wireless providers What you see is

33:05

never what you get never somewhere between the store

33:07

and your first bill You never have to worry

33:09

about gotchas ever again with mint mobile because mint

33:12

mobile says 15 bucks a month when you purchase

33:14

a three month plan That's it. I mean, I

33:16

mean it. They want some bad experience with other

33:18

mobile providers, dude Matt

33:20

has a story about a certain bill from a

33:22

certain large wireless company I seem to recall that

33:25

was the problem of the whole company for a

33:27

while like years ago I put that out my

33:29

mind It

33:31

was a number with a comma It

33:35

was crazy Telco

33:38

Don't do that. Don't do that mint mobile never

33:40

would have happened say goodbye to your overpriced wireless

33:42

plans jaw-dropping monthly bills and unexpected Over just cuz

33:44

my mobile see to rescue you The

33:49

premium wireless plans starting at 15 bucks a month

33:51

all plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talking

33:53

Texts live it on the nation's largest 5g network.

33:55

Use your own phone with any mint mobile plan

33:57

and bring your phone number along with all your

33:59

existing I

44:00

want anything that is around this hallway like if there's

44:02

a little table I just want to make a much

44:05

of a little corridor from the door from

44:07

the door to the elevator Really

44:10

focus like like yeah, essentially like making like you

44:12

know like those horse blinders like with a door

44:14

open the only thing

44:17

the dinosaur is seeing is the elevator doors

44:19

to the left and right is like some

44:21

cabinets and stuff like This

44:24

is really more of an entryway, but

44:26

we'll see there's a trash can and

44:28

two plastic plants American

44:30

flag great. I put those four things in a

44:32

little like There

44:40

are two hallways shooting off of this corridor

44:42

There's the door and then there's two hallways

44:45

over one corridor. It says two laboratories two

44:47

hallways and two laboratories no I Just

44:57

messing with you well So one

44:59

door says this way to Laboratories

45:02

the other says this way

45:04

to main control room. That's

45:07

what the Laboratories

45:09

and what was the other one laboratories is one

45:11

way master control room is the Master

45:14

control room make sure you drape the flag across

45:16

that way to cover our retreat Are you in

45:18

with us Blake? Yes, if you say the town

45:20

is in danger well I love the towns I've

45:23

always known you ever since I taught you in

45:25

third gate you've been a little selfish kid. I've

45:27

ever Time

45:31

you help the town that you grew up Using

45:35

it with a different leg Could

45:37

be I have taught a lot of kids over the

45:39

years shelter remember you the piece of shit. Oh, yeah

45:42

But don't say that cuz you got in that car accident.

45:44

Oh, yeah The

45:47

only one that survived his whole family I'm

45:51

just saying Blake that we're not only friends.

45:54

We're a bowling team. Yeah, and you're

45:56

not part of it because Because

46:00

that's Tony, right? Is that what you're

46:02

gonna say? I was just gonna say that

46:05

whether we roll a gutter ball or a

46:07

strike, you're with us. And

46:09

that's the agreement. That's the vow we

46:11

make when we joined the guttural screams.

46:14

I like that. We do need a fourth player. I'm not

46:16

really that soft on you yet. I don't trust you. You

46:18

could be anything, but I'll keep an eye on you. I

46:20

might fix your toilet. No, you shat in my toilet and

46:22

clog it and blame me. And you

46:24

kick my dog. And you kick my dog. How is

46:26

toilet working now, though? Well, fine. Now that we call

46:28

it a different plumber. What the

46:31

fuck is this character? Exacination. You've

46:34

done it yourself. You

46:36

feel your consequences. That's why you've done it.

46:38

You need your actions. I'm gonna stand

46:40

up for Freddy here. We've flashed back. We've

46:44

flashed back. Two. Two.

46:48

Blake Lively fixing the toilet. How about he gets to

46:50

roll? You get to roll. You

46:52

are at the Farnsworth house. Again. And

46:55

you are fixing the upstairs toilet.

46:57

Yeah. Give me a

46:59

roll on your plumbing skill. Well, I'm skilled

47:01

trades person. Give me your role. So

47:05

I feel like. What is your skill? I'm curious.

47:07

What did you put in plumbing? Look, I'm just thinking what

47:09

Fred put down. Every glimpse that we've

47:11

seen of Freddy, I've not gotten this as

47:13

a plumber. I survived. He

47:16

seemed very uncertain about like he was walking into

47:18

a drain thing to get a cat. All right.

47:21

Here's what I'll say. I'll do mechanical repair. Okay.

47:24

Which is a 35. But

47:28

he's very dexterous. Something's not very good at

47:30

this. All right.

47:32

So here's what happens. Why are you kidding? I'm

47:34

a toilet. You're supposed to fix the sink. Oh,

47:36

I had to go. I can't go in sink.

47:38

I have to go in toilet. Don't

47:40

worry. Don't worry, child. And I flush the

47:42

toilet and clogs immediately. I don't want to.

47:44

You gotta fix that now. Well, I have

47:46

two things. This one is for free. The

47:48

sink is your fault. The dog comes right

47:50

into your feet. What the fuck is this?

47:52

It's my dog! It's my dog!

47:54

It's my dog, little Orf! It's my

47:57

dog, little Orf! Get

48:00

the... Ah, it's biting me! Get in the way!

48:02

It's not biting you! It's licking you! It's biting

48:05

me! Kick and sink into the... Why are you

48:07

not? The dog falls down the

48:09

stairs and snaps its neck. No! Do

48:11

you have a second toilet downstairs that needs

48:13

fixing? No! Leave! Okay, well, I need to

48:16

get my half up front, though. Leave! Where's

48:18

my dog? You can't

48:20

say I need to get my half up front

48:23

after you start the job. Mom, Dad! I

48:25

have to be horrible to tell you! It's

48:28

the mom, Dad, I have to be horrible to

48:30

tell you! All right, we got out of our

48:32

flashback. Maybe we'll treat ourselves to one

48:34

of those four episodes for how he knows the other

48:37

two of you. Um, so you've decided to... You

48:39

killed my dog! All right, so, okay, so you guys are hiding in the

48:41

corridor behind

48:44

the American flag in the two potted plants. Yes. Francis

48:47

is at the door. Yes. As

48:49

the end of the episode, you

48:51

hear the familiar voice of a little young girl

48:53

saying, Mommy, Mommy, are you down

48:56

here? I'm scared. I'm lost. Is the voice

48:58

of Tiffany, your daughter. Unleash. No,

49:01

don't listen. Tiffany's not real. Mommy,

49:03

where are you? She's not even partially real. It's

49:06

dark. It's dark. I don't know where I am.

49:08

I'm going down somewhere. I'm scared. I miss you.

49:10

Sounds like a trick. Don't listen. So the elevator...

49:13

We have a thumbs up to find out. I'm

49:15

going down somewhere. I'm going down somewhere. I'm going down

49:18

somewhere. I'm going down somewhere. I'm going down somewhere. I'm

49:20

going down somewhere. We have a thumbs up to Francis.

49:22

The plan is still a go. Francis

49:25

nods. The elevator comes to a halt

49:27

and deals. I open the door. Okay.

49:29

Two things happen. One,

49:31

Francis opens the door. And to be clear, I

49:33

open the door in the following way. Anthony

49:36

has stood up. Anthony is now opening the door. He's

49:39

walking over to the door. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.

49:41

I'm going to take a picture for our Patreon of

49:43

Anthony opening the door. All right. I'm doing a little

49:45

video. We're rolling. This is how Anthony is. Give me

49:47

a demonstration. Just take it back. Roll it back. Beautiful.

49:51

And then imagine there's a T-Rex right there. As

49:54

Francis does that, a

49:56

T-Rex head instantly jumps through this

49:59

massive. and roars and starts

50:01

snapping its teeth. What is that happening? Stay

50:03

still, stay still, stay still. I'm

50:06

hiding now. The elevator door

50:08

opens and emerging from

50:10

the shadows, you hear the clickety-clack

50:12

of mechanical feet and

50:16

from the shadows emerges a

50:18

massive spider-like robot with

50:21

like, little legs. What the fuck? T-Rex spider

50:23

robot fight. This fucking rules. It has almost

50:25

like a, like a probiscus kind of poking

50:27

out of it. You see the face of

50:30

your daughter, Tiffany, and she's looking out and

50:32

her eyes are glowing red and she's still

50:34

saying, mommy, mommy, I'm scared. I can't find

50:36

you, mommy, where are you? Two

50:38

of her like spider feet are little

50:40

kid hands, like she's split apart. And

50:43

then like two of it are like her legs,

50:45

but they've still got like her little buckle shoes

50:47

on them and her little white socks. And then

50:49

there's just a shredded dress grinding up in the

50:51

gears of this horrible, many leg

50:53

arachnid like robot as it comes out.

50:56

And it locks eyes with the

50:58

T-Rex and it says, threat detected,

51:00

engage. And then it just launches

51:03

at it and starts slashing at

51:05

the T-Rex's eyes and it roars

51:07

and thrashes around. And now there's

51:09

this brutal melee going on between

51:11

this T-Rex. Where do we lose?

51:14

And there's a robot spider girl.

51:16

And as that's going on, Francis,

51:19

you now have a T-Rex spider battle to

51:21

dodge your way out of and you also

51:23

have to hop over a potted plant in

51:25

an American flag if you want to get

51:27

to your friends. Okay. What do

51:29

you want me to roll? Well, doing two rolls. First, you got

51:32

to clear the T-Rex and those dexterity. All right,

51:34

my dexterity is 60. I rolled an

51:36

11, which is a super duper success. Ooh, okay.

51:38

You need a super success for this one. So

51:40

it's good you got a super duper success. So

51:43

as the two Kaiju are fighting, I wait for

51:45

a break in the action, specifically as the T-Rex,

51:48

it like roars back with like one of its fists,

51:50

like it's going to punch it, even though he's got

51:52

those little stubby arms and his tail goes up, like

51:54

it's a rope with dope. He's going to like fake

51:56

with the punch him with his tail. And as his

51:58

tail goes up, I run underneath the tail towards the

52:00

corridor to the control room. Give me one more dexterity

52:03

to get over this spotted plant. That

52:05

is a 30. That is a normal success.

52:07

OK, that would have been funny if I tripped and

52:09

they saw me. Team

52:12

question, our character. Do we want to go master

52:14

control, or don't we know the key is in

52:16

this place? Do we want to go back where

52:18

the T-Rex is? Yeah, but you want to fight?

52:20

They're in front of the door. They're occupying the

52:22

room. We're going to have to roll. We would

52:24

all be rolling hard checks to get past them.

52:26

Kelsey, you do remember that little light up thing

52:28

that you saw? There's other doors. There are three

52:30

other airlocks somewhere in this facility. Oh, true, true.

52:32

OK, OK, yes. Francis, run. I am.

52:34

Run faster, faster, faster, faster. Must

52:37

go faster. Must go faster. That's the quote, not

52:39

just faster, faster, faster. That's what he says. Faster,

52:41

faster, faster. It's so funny that he says the

52:43

same thing in Independence Day. Yep. All right. Must

52:45

go faster. It's like how Tim Allen goes, oh,

52:47

oh, oh, in the Santa Claus. Sorry,

52:51

what? He does his Tim the Tool Man Taylor grunt

52:53

noise in the Santa Claus, even though it doesn't make

52:55

any sense for that character. So

52:59

we run through the master control room. You

53:01

hear grinding gears and laser blasts and teeth

53:03

snatching. You're heading down this dark, again, sort

53:05

of like government corridor, lack

53:08

of a better term. And as you run,

53:10

you see sort of side doors leading to

53:13

different sort of departments as you head down

53:15

this hallway towards the control room. And so

53:17

you see a door marked power. You see

53:19

one marked sanitation. Oh, I like this one.

53:22

You see a room called weather control. You

53:24

see a door that says motor pool slash

53:26

chamber access. And as you're running past all

53:28

of these, give me another spot. I

53:34

don't worry. Don't worry, Kelsey. I

53:37

got a five. Nice. My

53:40

spine is 60. Nothing escapes

53:42

the wily eye of pretty trout. Yeah, 13

53:44

sick. So

53:46

this is normal, super normal sex, normal success,

53:48

normal sex, normal

53:51

P and V. That's not I don't want to say

53:53

that. That's not. Yeah, that's

53:55

a little hetero normal about it's

53:57

weird. It's weird. It was a

53:59

weird thing. that thing weird weird here's all I'm saying

54:01

the pudding what's that line in the story you came

54:03

in that thing putting

54:06

it the putting the thing in the thing

54:08

I get it nature it's the like not

54:10

enough yeah we go around wiggle around for

54:14

a bit that's the weird part

54:16

wiggling you know there's

54:18

just like there's all manner of gyration motion there's

54:21

plenty of stuff where it's like you see the

54:26

hummingbird the thing comes on they

54:28

get the nectar they don't put

54:30

the thing out no I've ever

54:32

watched they're moving they don't just

54:34

so fast you actually can't tell

54:38

this is coming pumping that

54:41

fucking salmon dude it's wrapping

54:43

its probiscus around that

54:45

stamen and pumping it dry

54:47

pumping it like those oil

54:49

derricks on la sienna yeah

54:51

up and down sucking it

54:53

dry what a shame the

54:58

animal kingdom is kinky dude okay

55:00

I did well too you did well

55:02

too so Matt now

55:08

that's true to do this Kelsey Kelsey and

55:10

Trudy notice then I'll say the thing that

55:12

Trudy knows is Kelsey Trudy knows muddy footprints

55:14

coming out of the door for

55:16

motor pool slash chamber access and heading towards the climate

55:18

control center so even though I didn't see the hidden

55:20

stuff I see chamber access and I'm like oh we

55:22

have to close the other doors maybe we can do

55:24

it from chamber access Trudy

55:27

with her super duper duper duper success

55:29

notices two things and then she notices

55:32

that the chamber door appears to be

55:34

unlocked unlike the other doors are

55:36

the door to motor pool chamber access she

55:39

also notices based on the tread size the

55:41

amount of time she's had to fucking clean

55:43

up after Tucker's muddy footprints after he's come

55:45

in from fucking the basement the basement or

55:47

a fishing trip or whatever like these are

55:50

Tucker tracks and they're

55:52

headed straight for the control center their

55:54

control center is different from chamber access

55:56

trains is control centers different than chamber

55:59

access Yeah, let's go to

56:01

the controls center. But chamber access is the only

56:03

one that's open. Is the control room

56:05

open? Chamber access is kind of redundant,

56:07

right? If you go into a room that is the chamber... Congratulations!

56:12

That's what the door is. Maybe

56:14

it's just a door. Hey, look at this!

56:16

I opened the door! It's just a door!

56:20

It's just an example of how to get into chambers. That's

56:22

helpful, I guess. Ah, it's a good

56:24

illustration. Ah, look! The same door across all of these

56:27

doors! Oh, well now I know how to use that!

56:29

That's great! I want to die.

56:32

The control center, let's call it... Master

56:35

control. Master control! The

56:38

master control room, let's say that. The master control room, you

56:40

have yet to see a door for it. The NCR. You're

56:44

essentially running in this wide, curving hallway, and

56:46

it's still around the corner. Let's keep running.

56:50

Do you want to follow the boots? Do you want to say that they're Tucker

56:52

boots, or are you keeping that to yourself? I

56:54

will say yes. These

56:56

are Tucker boots, so be careful. Oh, that makes

56:58

sense, because I think I saw him earlier. Oh

57:00

shit, well let's go kill him. Let's go to

57:02

the fucking motor pool chamber access. I want to

57:04

see that door, too! They

57:10

saw doors here. So many

57:12

fucking doors! The muddy

57:14

footprints are leading away from the motor pool to

57:17

master control. That makes sense. Ah,

57:20

we have not altered our plans whatsoever. This

57:23

is podcasting. I would like to open the

57:25

chamber access to get into the master control

57:27

room. I'm

57:30

sorry, I did a bad job naming the rooms,

57:32

okay? I had to come up with like seven

57:34

rooms, and two of them have names that sound

57:36

simple. Kelsey, you don't know how to open that

57:38

door, you've never been to chamber access. You've never

57:40

been to chamber access. Kelsey, practice on this other

57:42

door. Shut up, shut up, I'm the GM, shut

57:44

up. This

57:47

is my show, respect me. Well, but I would

57:49

like to say that when you, you know, as

57:51

we're running up, it's like, ah, it makes sense.

57:53

He was riding motorcycle. I think this is

57:55

Tucker. Tucker footprints. Wait, that doesn't make sense,

57:58

why is it footprints if he's riding motorcycle? Yeah, what

58:00

the fuck? Where'd the motorcycle go? Well, because it's probably

58:02

in the motor pool. Oh, like

58:04

he parked it there in the water pool? You know what?

58:06

Oh, you know what? It's in the water pool? Yes,

58:08

he parked it underwater in the motor pool. We were giving

58:10

Blake Lively a hard time, but with some crickle thinking

58:12

like that, I think he's gonna find a good spot in

58:15

this group. He's gonna fill a much

58:17

needed niche. Hey,

58:19

we wanna go to the chamber. We wanna go

58:21

to the master control. You round the corner, you see

58:23

a doorway marked master

58:25

control. It's wide open as

58:28

you run towards the door. It

58:30

slams shut dramatically in your face. Shh,

58:32

sham. In scripted event. And then on

58:35

the other side of the door, you

58:37

see Tucker Trout. Dungeon

58:44

of the Dies is brought to you this

58:46

week by Aura Frames. This is an easy

58:48

gift. And I can vouch. This

58:50

is a gift that will make you say, that

58:52

was easy. This is the best digital photo frame,

58:54

according to Wirecutter. Aura Frames makes it incredibly easy

58:57

to share unlimited photos and videos directly from your

58:59

phone to the frame. And when you give your

59:01

frame as a gift, you can personalize it and

59:03

preload it with a message and photos using the

59:06

Aura app, making it the ideal present for long

59:08

distance loved ones. Gifts are always tricky. Not this

59:10

year, I'm loading up an Aura Frame with a

59:12

bunch of Aura Frames. Just put everything in there.

59:15

That gift actually works by the way for not

59:17

even loved ones. Jimmy keeps all his family photos

59:19

on there. It's a really easy way for my

59:21

folks and me to stay. If you wanna stay

59:23

connected with your family, you don't wanna talk to

59:26

them. Aura Frames, that

59:28

is the key. For limited time,

59:30

visit auroframes.com and get $45 off

59:32

of Aura's best selling carver matte

59:34

frames by using promo code Dungeons

59:36

at checkout. That's A-U-R-A frames.com promo

59:39

code Dungeons. This exclusive Black

59:41

Friday, Cyber Monday deal is the best

59:43

of the year. So don't miss out.

59:45

Terms and conditions apply. Make all your

59:47

friends say, huh, that was easy. My

59:51

dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career

59:53

day and said he was a big ROAS man. Then

1:00:00

he told everyone how much he loved

1:00:02

calculating his return on ad spend. My

1:00:05

friends still laugh at me to this day. Not

1:00:08

everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able

1:00:10

to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on

1:00:12

your next ad campaign. Go

1:00:15

to linkedin.com/results to claim your credit. That's

1:00:18

linkedin.com/results. Terms

1:00:20

and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to be,

1:00:22

to be. How

1:00:27

do we see through the door? That's one of those. We

1:00:31

should have got a chamber access. I told you we

1:00:33

know how to get these doors. The

1:00:35

door has like a thick plastic. It's got like one

1:00:38

of those like fucking, you know, you don't have to

1:00:40

fucking tell Freddie how you see through. We

1:00:42

as a window or something. We

1:00:47

want to paint the picture. Tucker tried looking at

1:00:49

it. You see Tucker trout on the other side.

1:00:52

Oh, start blasting with that door certainly bulletproof. Only

1:00:55

one way to find out. Yeah, you

1:00:57

know what? Fair enough. Bam. It's

1:00:59

bulletproof. You're down. How many bullets do you have

1:01:01

left? You never made me count, so I'm saying

1:01:03

infinite. No. I feel

1:01:05

like you would have bought like how many bullets are in a case of

1:01:07

ammo? Literally no point

1:01:09

did you request that I try. Well, now we're

1:01:12

doing box of ammo. But there's a card on

1:01:14

R98. With bump stock.

1:01:17

That's a thing, right? Nobody can have a little box

1:01:19

of bullets with them. Okay. It takes 15 rounds. I

1:01:22

feel like your parents got you a box of ammunition too. Yeah,

1:01:24

I feel like that. Yeah. How much

1:01:26

is in a box of ammo? No, no, no.

1:01:29

That's a clip. No, no, no. There's five in the

1:01:31

clip. So the box only has 15 bullets. Yeah, it's

1:01:33

not that many. Okay, damn. All right. This

1:01:36

is the size of the box. Wow. So we'll

1:01:38

see you got, we'll be nice to see you got 10 bullets

1:01:40

left. Great. Okay. Tucker

1:01:43

waves at you. Hi, honey. Why don't

1:01:45

you open the door? I just want to talk. No, I

1:01:47

don't think. I'm home after all. I don't think I

1:01:49

will. I think, Trudy, I feel

1:01:51

like I want to say this to one of

1:01:54

you at least. So let me say it to

1:01:56

you. Of course, honey. I want a divorce. Oh.

1:01:59

I I think this is over. I've tried

1:02:02

and I've tried and I've tried. When

1:02:04

we met, we had this spark and

1:02:06

I saw you both as the woman

1:02:08

you are, but just the woman you

1:02:11

could be. That

1:02:13

kiss in the bathroom, I'll never forget it.

1:02:15

This is very, you can't fire me, I

1:02:18

quit energy. And I just, I just want

1:02:20

one of you at least to know that

1:02:22

I'm moving on. I'm not gonna be making

1:02:24

any more Trudy's. You're the last Trudy. You're

1:02:26

moving on. I'm moving on

1:02:28

and I just want you to know that because I've

1:02:31

learned a lot and I just think there's

1:02:33

some part of you that is just never

1:02:35

gonna be good enough. It always turns into

1:02:37

this with us. It always turns into some

1:02:39

absurd spectacle where you make a big scene

1:02:41

and then I get embarrassed and I have

1:02:43

to fix everything and I'm tired of it,

1:02:45

but I'm gonna take what I've learned and

1:02:48

I'm gonna use it to

1:02:50

help our son. Of course,

1:02:52

honey. And I was

1:02:55

wondering if you think

1:02:57

that you will be able to find

1:02:59

love again. You know, seeing as you

1:03:02

haven't found it the first time, seeing

1:03:04

as you try to assemble somebody that

1:03:06

could love you by taking who I

1:03:08

was and tearing her into pieces. Get

1:03:10

him, get him, get him. And then

1:03:12

I never loved you. And

1:03:15

I wonder what that must've felt like to

1:03:18

be trapped. But then I

1:03:20

realized I was the one who was

1:03:22

trapped, wasn't I? And

1:03:24

I'm just wondering if you will find

1:03:27

anybody to love

1:03:29

that damp, puffy, virgin

1:03:31

face of yours because I don't

1:03:34

think anybody ever will. And

1:03:36

you are not getting our son. I'm

1:03:39

going to make something right. Well, we'll

1:03:41

see about that. You know, it's

1:03:43

always like this. You always, you always.

1:03:46

He's distracting us, he's wasting our time. He's distracting

1:03:48

us. You're always acting like, well, I don't wanna

1:03:50

say the word. I'm a gentleman, so I'm not

1:03:53

gonna say it. But I think we know what

1:03:55

it means. And I think we know what it

1:03:57

is. Can you open the door? I'm not gonna

1:03:59

open the door. Okay, well then guys, what do

1:04:02

you wanna do now? Let's go back. to the

1:04:04

room the chamber room I failed you truly we're

1:04:06

leaving I'm not gonna fail when I okay Timmy

1:04:08

and I what's the weakness that you brought into

1:04:11

him what are you gonna do what are you

1:04:13

well with you know you were version one and

1:04:15

once you're

1:04:18

in the scrap heap I'm gonna go upstairs and I'm

1:04:20

gonna find our son and he's gonna be version two and

1:04:23

you know I just think maybe he's got

1:04:25

more potential he's got more of me in

1:04:27

him he's got this soft side he's got

1:04:29

this weakness that I think he got from

1:04:31

you but I've gotten so close with you

1:04:33

with him I think I can really take

1:04:35

it all the way I think that he's

1:04:37

gonna be perfect and I think

1:04:39

once I Tucker please please what please

1:04:42

not Timmy please just you

1:04:45

could you don't even have to you could

1:04:47

take him to somewhere else where he will

1:04:50

just have a family and a whole is

1:04:52

my family you asked me if

1:04:54

I have love I love him I loved

1:04:57

you know what that

1:04:59

means I do I loved you I

1:05:01

wanted to have the perfect family and

1:05:04

you kept fucking it up we

1:05:07

tried and I tried again and again and again and again

1:05:09

and again and it just didn't work it just wasn't good

1:05:11

enough and maybe you're the one who's crazy

1:05:13

well I'm the genius who's sitting

1:05:15

here in the most incredible environment ever

1:05:17

built this is all thanks to me

1:05:20

I'm the smart one you're just who

1:05:22

you are and I thought I could

1:05:24

help you I thought I could fix it but I can't

1:05:27

but I love our son just

1:05:29

as much as I loved you no you never

1:05:31

you clearly never loved me

1:05:34

not the real me and now I have

1:05:36

other people for that you're not getting Timmy

1:05:39

and I think you're distracting us so

1:05:41

I'm gonna walk away let's go through to

1:05:44

you bitch we're gonna go save Timmy come on as we're

1:05:46

walking away oh wow you guys

1:05:48

have some heavy shit going on now you

1:05:50

know you were it's a whole thing sometimes

1:05:52

it just feels like it just

1:05:54

consumes me you were right about one thing honey

1:06:00

No zinger, no zinger. No

1:06:02

zingers. As he says that, rounding the corner,

1:06:04

you see your daughter, she's covered in T-Rex

1:06:06

gore and viscera looking a little worse for

1:06:09

wear. It wasn't a robot, T-Rex. Oh, I

1:06:11

didn't think that the spider robot would win

1:06:13

against the T-Rex. Yeah, put all my money

1:06:15

on it. It's jaw is

1:06:18

broken, and it's still trying to say, Dummy,

1:06:21

Dummy, Dummy, Dummy, Dummy, Dummy, Dummy,

1:06:23

Dummy. Dummy, come

1:06:25

new. That's so weird.

1:06:27

And then it starts charging it. You wanna shoot

1:06:30

this? Yeah, guys, it might as well. Francis, take

1:06:32

aim. Yes, I will. Are there doors to the

1:06:34

left or right? Like, are there- Whoa,

1:06:36

there's only the chamber axis. Are we right next to the

1:06:38

chamber axis? Yeah. Yes, it's right betwixt the

1:06:41

two of you. You hip to the fact that Tucker

1:06:43

was distracting you, so I will say that you have

1:06:45

not gotten fully ambushed. This thing is still down the

1:06:47

hallway. Great. Yes, while Francis takes aim,

1:06:49

I run to the closest door, which is the

1:06:51

chamber axis. Okay, so I got a 44, and

1:06:54

my firearms is 38, so I'm gonna

1:06:56

spend six luck. Okay. 36

1:06:58

plus four. That's

1:07:00

13 damage. Tiffany takes this bullet straight

1:07:02

to her carapace, and you see the bullet

1:07:04

manages to find a weak point in her

1:07:06

armor, and it slides straight in. You hear

1:07:08

this sparking noise, and she groans in agony.

1:07:10

She's just kinda like- Oh, no, no, no,

1:07:12

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

1:07:14

no, no. Wow, good shot, kid. Thanks. It's

1:07:17

from my mental issues. Okay,

1:07:21

you hip to the fact that you were being distracted. You

1:07:23

have a surprise around on this thing. So why don't you

1:07:26

all make a move? What are you guys trying to do?

1:07:28

You can get to the door, the

1:07:30

chamber axis maintenance door, or whatever,

1:07:32

kill me. You can try to fight this thing if

1:07:34

you wanna hold it off. I wanna run into the

1:07:36

door. I wanna try to open the door and tell

1:07:39

her to run in. Yeah, I wanna run towards the

1:07:41

door. You guys all make it to the door. Francis,

1:07:43

you are behind, because you used your turn to take a shot at

1:07:45

this thing. And it is going to take

1:07:48

its turn, and it is going to take a

1:07:50

shot at Francis. With what?

1:07:53

It's web shooters. Are

1:07:56

they organic or are they machine though?

1:07:58

They better be organic. The bottom

1:08:00

part of her jaw extends them because it's

1:08:02

kind of busted, just kind of falls off. And

1:08:05

then almost like a megaphone looking apparatus kind of

1:08:07

just pokes out of her skull and

1:08:10

aims right at you, Francis. And the

1:08:12

thunder bus. It just kind of like rears

1:08:15

back and unleashes this ear-splitting

1:08:17

sonic scream straight at you. Like

1:08:19

a little kid just stepped on a Lego times 10,000. Francis,

1:08:23

what's your constitution? My constitution is

1:08:25

a 25. How this spell works is that

1:08:27

you burn a magic point. It's a spell,

1:08:29

but it's a high-tech thing for this. So we'll

1:08:31

call it like it's a PowerPoint. Like it's coming

1:08:33

from a lithium power point. It's a PowerPoint. It's

1:08:35

a PowerPoint. Oh no. I'm showing

1:08:37

these slides. Look at these transitions. She

1:08:39

uses five PowerPoints. Dissolve transitions between six

1:08:42

slides. She dissolved transitions between six slides.

1:08:44

Each one of those does 2D10 strength

1:08:46

worth of force. So I'm going to

1:08:49

go ahead and roll for her. So

1:08:51

she got a 53. Give me a

1:08:53

constitution roll. Ooh. My

1:08:55

constitution is a 25 and I rolled a 23. I'm

1:08:58

going to roll against that 53 I got for the spell's

1:09:00

strength. Okay. So I rolled a 23 out of 53. Her

1:09:04

super success beats your regular success and you

1:09:07

get knocked the fuck out. Oh no. Not

1:09:09

only that, the sonic blast knocks you clean off

1:09:11

your feet. You go sliding down the hallway and

1:09:13

your unconscious body slides up to that door of

1:09:15

the central control room. That was its turn. It

1:09:17

is all of your turn again. You're

1:09:20

all at the door. Okay. But he's got hit back.

1:09:22

Your poor little sweet baby boy's back down at the

1:09:24

end of the hallway. And Tiffany has

1:09:26

not moved yet. She had to rear herself up to

1:09:28

fire that blast. Tiffany's like really focused on Trudy, right?

1:09:31

Presumably one would assume. She just kind of took out

1:09:33

the main thread. So yes, that's the next thing you

1:09:35

see is you see her eyes fall onto you, Trudy.

1:09:37

It's a little flattering to be the main threat. Blake,

1:09:39

you're up first. You have the 75. Oh,

1:09:42

hey, is this kid friend of ours? Yes.

1:09:44

Yes. He's a friend of us. Well,

1:09:47

he was just his dog did not like me and

1:09:49

his toilet did not agree with me. I don't judge

1:09:51

people whether or not their dogs like me or not.

1:09:54

He's a kid. You know, you know, the DBA

1:09:56

friend, you're a grown man. Take care of the

1:09:58

kid. He's our friend. friend. He's

1:10:00

a good person. Okay. Well, give me the person.

1:10:02

So we gotta take care of him. Okay. Then

1:10:05

give me covering fire. This is just like none

1:10:07

of us have guns. You see the gun

1:10:12

is lying on the ground where Francis got knocked out.

1:10:15

I will give you covering fire. This is just like

1:10:17

when I fought in world war two. All right.

1:10:19

Blake is going to

1:10:24

run to like the

1:10:27

slide to pick up the gun and return fire

1:10:29

with it. No, Kelsey is impressed. She's like, find

1:10:32

somebody who's going to do something. Even

1:10:34

if he had to get a qualified first, yeah. Just

1:10:37

free action to run over there and pick up the

1:10:39

gun. What's your firearm skill? 25 scary. Give me a

1:10:43

roll. Let's see if he hit 11.

1:10:45

Wow. Super success. Special boy. Super success.

1:10:50

Super success. And I will say because

1:10:52

Blake Lively did fight in world war

1:10:55

two, he knows perfectly the operation of

1:10:57

a car 98. Well, okay. Sure.

1:11:00

Was he fighting for the other side? No,

1:11:02

no, no, no, no. He picked up one

1:11:04

on the dead courts of our sense. He

1:11:06

knows, for example, it's

1:11:09

a bolt action rifle and it's not like the

1:11:11

American one that went ping when it was done.

1:11:13

Yeah. That's such a satisfying noise though. 2d6 plus

1:11:15

four. That would be 12 damage.

1:11:19

Okay. Describe to me where you shoot

1:11:21

it. I think I'm going for center of mass because

1:11:23

I got lucky with it.

1:11:25

Yeah. Your eyes sort of drawn to where

1:11:27

she's already sparking and you managed to blast

1:11:30

another shot straight through like a little

1:11:32

tatter of the little Sunday dress she

1:11:34

was wearing back when she was like

1:11:36

a six year old girl and it

1:11:38

pierces through six year old robot, six

1:11:40

year old robot. Like

1:11:43

another big chunk comes out of this thing.

1:11:45

She's sputtering and writhing. Like there's oil leaking

1:11:48

out of her chassis right now. And she's

1:11:50

like kind of like staggering on her legs.

1:11:52

Quick, grab the kid. Kelsey, it's your turn.

1:11:54

Yeah. I'll go grab Francis. We make a

1:11:56

great team. Kelsey. Yeah. You're better at shooting

1:11:59

six year old girl. You're fixing my toilet

1:12:12

Francis was awake you'd be like what you think you

1:12:14

bad that thing was my dog Can we flashback to

1:12:16

the Kelsey toilet scenario sure all right ding

1:12:19

dong hello? I okay, you just right there

1:12:21

in the back. Oh wait where I'm working

1:12:23

on my encyclopedia. Oh Oh Which

1:12:29

which way oh in the back what do you mean? Lady

1:12:34

you're very confrontational My

1:12:39

previous job it got clogged up and I had to

1:12:42

kick a dog Now

1:12:44

I'm gonna watch you do the job after you just said

1:12:47

that okay. Yeah, I look at the toilet, and I flush

1:12:49

it Yeah, it doesn't work. That's why I call you But

1:12:52

what's happening? Oh it starts backing up more

1:12:58

Plunger I have one All

1:13:09

right, so I want to plunge it 16

1:13:12

mechanical roll. That's a super success on my

1:13:14

mechanical repair. Okay, you effortlessly Unclog

1:13:17

it unclog it. Oh, you know what it

1:13:19

is. I unclog. It's a papers. It's papers

1:13:21

You tried to flush down the toilet apples

1:13:33

Okay, and as I turn around like

1:13:35

the wrench apple like a for apples

1:13:37

yeah It's like the p.o. Oh, it's

1:13:39

a coffee Yeah,

1:13:42

and then as I turn around with the

1:13:44

big heavy wrench on my belt it just

1:13:46

spins around explodes your toilet Yeah,

1:13:51

but I did fix it Remember

1:14:00

you were good at your job. That's gonna be like a

1:14:02

way we could bond but no you probably the T-Rex still

1:14:04

alive But badly made and

1:14:06

starts stumbling down the hallway. What would you

1:14:09

like to do? I'm the flashback. Hey, the

1:14:11

flashback did not interrupt my action I

1:14:16

didn't stop mid running towards Francis to

1:14:18

remember this moment I am going to

1:14:20

drag Francis by the feet and run back to the door.

1:14:22

All right, you're back at the door Trudy What are you

1:14:24

doing? I am going to take a

1:14:26

look at Tiffany and see if there are any

1:14:29

like Weaknesses other than the damage that has already

1:14:31

been done like if there's like a kill switch

1:14:33

on her or something like that Okay, that's sick.

1:14:35

You don't need to roll for that You see

1:14:38

it could only be the mechanical version of her

1:14:40

heart her sort of chassis has been blown away

1:14:42

and exposed enough that she's got This like pumping

1:14:44

mechanism that seems to be pushing oil and like

1:14:47

it's a sort of a power generator and it's

1:14:49

wide open Are there like wires or anything? It's

1:14:51

like hooked up to wires. It's like the central

1:14:53

thing that seems to be keeping her alive I

1:14:56

am going to Pick

1:14:58

up marbles and walk

1:15:00

towards Tiffany. Hey, oh, hey All

1:15:04

right, marbles does claw deep into your hand

1:15:07

that's fine. Okay, she's a robot.

1:15:09

I'm going to roll Charm,

1:15:12

okay. I'm going to say to

1:15:14

Tiffany dearest daughter I got you

1:15:16

something that you would just love

1:15:18

that's the sweetest thing to hold

1:15:20

and cuddle and he'll be yours

1:15:22

all yours Park

1:15:34

You see her eyes soften as she looks at this cat

1:15:40

Throw the cat at the t-rex

1:15:42

start the fight again, okay I

1:15:45

succeeded my charm is 55 and I got a 27 rate.

1:15:47

I am going to Thrust

1:15:51

marbles towards that hole in her where

1:15:53

the wires are and see if he

1:15:56

bites down on the wires. Yeah goose

1:15:58

the a little bit. Yeah, I pull

1:16:00

a piece of fur out of his

1:16:02

tail. And it kills me. Absolutely. Yeah,

1:16:04

the cat hisses and just starts scratching

1:16:07

and biting at the inside of this

1:16:09

thing. I'm going to use the, they

1:16:11

don't have a cat, but they do have a rat,

1:16:13

which for a kitten seems like the closest size. Big

1:16:15

rat. Just multiply everything by 1.25. OK.

1:16:20

Oh, fuck yeah. Marble's got a super

1:16:22

success in his attack. So he's going

1:16:24

to go ahead and roll some damage.

1:16:27

It's 1d3. He got a

1:16:30

3, thank god. Minus 2, which

1:16:32

is exactly how much health this

1:16:34

thing had left. So with a

1:16:36

little kitten claw, Marble's the cat

1:16:38

slashes at the beating heart of

1:16:40

your erstwhile robot daughter. It just

1:16:42

knocks like a screw loose, like

1:16:44

the sort of pumping mechanism splashes

1:16:47

open. And it's just spraying fluid

1:16:49

everywhere. Marble's gets some oil on

1:16:51

his face. Oh, no. I

1:16:54

will say, Marble's will remember this. It does not like you.

1:16:56

OK. Especially does not like Trudy.

1:16:58

I'm actually going to neglect Francis's wounds, even

1:17:00

though I have very high medicine and first

1:17:03

aid and dedicate the rest of my entire

1:17:05

life. Is there something Trudy would do or

1:17:07

something Beth would do? I don't know what

1:17:09

I'm talking about. That cat will never forgive

1:17:11

you. Cats don't forgive. I don't know what

1:17:14

you're talking about. I think Marble's will forgive

1:17:16

me. So Marble's is hissing and scratching Kolan.

1:17:18

And Marble's is actually going to get another

1:17:20

attack on Trudy. Marble's got a 19. So

1:17:24

another success. Marble's kills me. I

1:17:26

hate you for another three. So yeah,

1:17:28

you take one damage from Marble's. Hey,

1:17:31

lady, give me my cat back. I'm

1:17:33

so sorry. I just needed to defeat

1:17:35

my daughter, my robot daughter. And I'm

1:17:38

so sorry, Marble's. I

1:17:40

can't tell you enough how sorry I

1:17:42

am. As you were apologizing to the

1:17:44

cat, Tiffany crumbles over. The light goes

1:17:47

out from her eyes as this hideous

1:17:49

robo body just collapses onto the floor.

1:17:52

You see the T-Rex roaring

1:17:54

in rage behind it as

1:17:57

it thunders off. Pissed that his quarry

1:17:59

has been killed. and sort of stomps

1:18:02

off back down the hallways of this

1:18:04

facility, I guess. As the light leaves

1:18:06

Tiffany's eyes, Trudy prepares herself to feel

1:18:08

like grief and like an immense, like,

1:18:10

loss. But it doesn't come

1:18:12

quite yet. And she's shocked

1:18:15

because she doesn't feel really anything. So you

1:18:17

guys are going into, finally, the chamber access.

1:18:19

Chamber access. You make your way down basically

1:18:21

a little short flight of stairs. Sure

1:18:24

enough, there's the motor pool here. And

1:18:26

Francis is like, brrr. My hair's hitting

1:18:29

every single step. Trudy, are you OK?

1:18:32

I'm fine. I'm worried about Francis.

1:18:34

And I'm worried about Marbles as

1:18:36

well, to be quite honest. I think

1:18:38

Marbles is OK. Cats get by. Are you worried about

1:18:40

Marbles or are you worried that Marbles doesn't like you? Well,

1:18:44

you would just be kind of unacceptable

1:18:47

to me if Marbles didn't like me.

1:18:49

I'm sure Marbles likes you. You

1:18:52

see, give me a spot, Hit and Roll. Only

1:18:54

Trudy. 23, and that's

1:18:56

a success. You see

1:18:58

Marbles's two glowing eyes glowing back

1:19:01

at you behind the fucking pterodactyl

1:19:03

skull. And this cat does not

1:19:05

like you. Oh, no. Can

1:19:08

I smack Francis awake? Huh? Can I smack Francis

1:19:10

awake? Sure. I think he

1:19:12

just got knocked out and didn't do any damage to

1:19:14

it. Well, I can roll first aid on him. Yeah.

1:19:16

Yeah. We all roll first aid. I want to roll

1:19:18

first aid, too. Give me a first aid roll. Trudy.

1:19:20

Oh, fuck. I failed by two. Maybe I'll put you

1:19:22

in some luck. You're hurting him, Trudy. I'm going to

1:19:24

push my roll. You going to

1:19:26

push? If you mess up, you can just spend two

1:19:28

luck. Oh, well, let me see

1:19:30

how much luck. No, don't spend luck on Francis. Let me

1:19:33

see how much luck I have. Push

1:19:35

it. Or

1:19:37

I'll try. All right, I'm

1:19:39

going to roll one more time. I'm going to push my roll.

1:19:43

Take my shot. What a jig. Francis

1:19:45

is not going to like me either.

1:19:47

Why didn't you just spend luck? Or

1:19:50

did this let me do it? I

1:19:52

got a 67. OK,

1:19:55

so you tried to give Francis CPR. You cracked

1:19:57

one of his ribs. So we'll write down the

1:19:59

Francis. Francis has a cracked rib. But that wakes

1:20:01

him up, right? Does it wake, yeah. Yes, it

1:20:04

wakes him up. The sheer excruciating pain of his

1:20:06

cracked rib wakes him up. Francis, you wake up

1:20:08

from a dream. They say that happens when

1:20:10

you do CPR correctly. That has truly,

1:20:12

truly. It can also happen when you

1:20:14

do it wrong. Truly, truly, truly. He

1:20:16

sustained these injuries from the blast. Oh,

1:20:19

yes, the blast. So the last,

1:20:22

another blast. Why be careful? I'm

1:20:24

just trying to help you guys out, Jesus. Team

1:20:27

cohesion. Francis has a cracked rib. Go ahead and

1:20:29

lie to Francis, and we'll see if you succeed

1:20:31

in lying to him. Francis,

1:20:34

you got your cracked rib. Try

1:20:36

not to laugh, because you got

1:20:38

your cracked rib having

1:20:41

a blast. Give

1:20:43

me, yeah, let's do persuade. I can roll

1:20:45

against with psychology. Yes, you roll against it

1:20:47

with your psychology. Oof, I rolled very

1:20:49

badly. I'm 95 out of 80. Well,

1:20:52

I rolled very badly, so I didn't

1:20:54

succeed at all. So you failed,

1:20:57

but Trudy also failed? I failed.

1:20:59

My persuade is 30, and I got an

1:21:01

82. OK, so you failed

1:21:03

more than he failed. So he knows that you're

1:21:05

lying when you see this. He doesn't know what

1:21:07

happened. I will say this, because you don't know

1:21:09

what happened, but you know Trudy is not telling

1:21:11

you the truth. Trudy, why are you lying to

1:21:13

me? I thought you were the only

1:21:15

adult I could trust, because you're a robot, and you

1:21:17

can't lie. Because I broke your rib. I was trying

1:21:19

to help you. I know. I'm so sorry. All you

1:21:21

had to do was tell me that. I appreciate you

1:21:23

were trying to help me. Well, I didn't want you

1:21:26

to be mad at me, because it feels like. I

1:21:28

wasn't mad. It was an accident. Now I'm mad, because

1:21:30

you're another adult that's lying to me. And animals are

1:21:32

mad at me. But sometimes we just lie because

1:21:34

we're scared too, even though we're adults. You're adults,

1:21:36

you should be better than that. I know. Here's

1:21:45

your gun back, kid. I took a shot and

1:21:47

landed it. Oh, and that's the truth. He's telling

1:21:49

the truth. Cool. That's what the real adult looks

1:21:51

like. Thank you. Yeah, you know what? I'm going

1:21:53

to look after this guy now. That's my new

1:21:55

role model. He kicked your dog. I think it's

1:21:57

for his Piece of the truth. Francis,

1:22:00

son, take it slow. You don't

1:22:03

remember everything yet. All right. You

1:22:07

see all these jeeps. You see a door of

1:22:09

this, like a much bigger version of this vault

1:22:11

door. And it says welcome to Jurassic Park. It

1:22:13

says welcome to Stasis chamber on it. You see

1:22:15

that the other lights are closed. Stasis chamber. You

1:22:18

mentioned that earlier on the thing. So this is

1:22:20

the thing that opens it when we close all

1:22:22

the other doors. You see three lights for all

1:22:24

three of the big vaulty doors that open the

1:22:26

chamber. They're all closed now. Oh,

1:22:28

they are. Yes. Somebody else did it. It

1:22:31

is one would presume this flapping T-Rex

1:22:33

tail slammed the door shut. Like, yes.

1:22:35

The doors closed. It could be Tucker,

1:22:37

but I'm betting the T-Rex's

1:22:39

tail, it was waggling quite a bit.

1:22:41

It probably hit the door. It probably

1:22:44

used its seal to put. You realize

1:22:46

how implausible that is? You're riding an

1:22:48

encyclopedia, lady. Oh, God. Trying.

1:22:52

Whatever. Let's go inside this chamber. With a jeep. Let's

1:22:54

get this butter. Let's load up onto this jeep and

1:22:57

get in there. I'll show you where the clearing was,

1:22:59

where the key. OK. Perfect. Let's

1:23:01

load up in the jeep. Who's driving?

1:23:03

Let's go. Oh, what, Trudy?

1:23:05

You want to drive? I just think

1:23:07

that I could. Oh, wait. The

1:23:10

way you said that sounds like you'd have

1:23:12

it. Have you never driven before? What? Driven.

1:23:14

Oh, my gosh. Now's the time. You're driving

1:23:16

then. OK, yes. And yes. You're good. You

1:23:18

can do anything you put your mind to.

1:23:20

Let's do it. Wasn't she a former race

1:23:22

car driver? Yes. But I know that's Trudy.

1:23:24

Oh, no, but. You may have erased that

1:23:26

from me. But as you sit down in

1:23:29

the front seat, a sensation comes

1:23:31

back to you. And it's the love of

1:23:33

the rumble of an engine and the acceleration

1:23:35

of a car. Ooh, she

1:23:37

purring. And somehow, even

1:23:39

though you don't remember driving, your body seems to know

1:23:41

how to turn on the engine, start the clutch, and

1:23:43

get this baby in gear. And

1:23:45

you roll forward. And I assume one of you opens the

1:23:47

door to let the jeep in. Oh, wait, wait. Stop, stop,

1:23:50

stop. We got to open the door for us. OK. I

1:23:52

get out, and I open the door, and I get back

1:23:54

in the jeep. OK. You open the door. This

1:23:56

tableau once again slides in front of you. But instead of seeing it,

1:23:59

you're going to see it. a Blush

1:24:02

tropical canopy and instead of seeing

1:24:04

this dense wild jungle that you

1:24:07

saw before you see traces of

1:24:09

civilization You see the

1:24:11

jungle has been hacked back you see

1:24:13

roads What you see? Huts

1:24:16

in the distance and the rise of smoke in

1:24:18

the air. Oh my god It's a fast time

1:24:20

room and then as you were slow one and

1:24:22

we're in the fast one Oh god, don't make

1:24:25

me think that as you roll

1:24:27

the Jeep in we look around Maybe like,

1:24:29

you know people with weapons you'll see anybody

1:24:31

yet lady. Do you see anything hidden? No,

1:24:33

no, I think we're good Drive slowly now

1:24:35

walk in front of the the Jeep Okay,

1:24:39

I'll get in the Jeep okay, she does have the

1:24:41

demon inside her what no do you

1:24:43

know? Oh, yeah, that's probably something you should know dog

1:24:45

kicker What's

1:24:48

that this one has a demon inside of her You

1:24:52

know As

1:25:00

you go in yeah, you see like this seems to

1:25:02

be the same environment, but it looks completely different This

1:25:04

is crazy. I spent three weeks in here. Oh, you

1:25:06

did this in three weeks. No, you're

1:25:08

poo I did none of

1:25:10

this wait wait. I was

1:25:12

building a monument For pooping

1:25:14

I had a pond you

1:25:17

see monument. Yes, or pooping big big toilet

1:25:19

You mean a monument to pooping or you

1:25:21

mean a monument that you they

1:25:23

are going to poop both. Well, let's see it I'd

1:25:26

like to Wait

1:25:30

really quick this is not zuzelle speaking this is

1:25:32

Kelsey that sounds really funny, but You

1:25:42

say you do with green key, that's very

1:25:45

convenient. It's right next to my Well,

1:25:48

there we go. We're all happy on

1:25:50

this road trip. That's great Okay, as

1:25:53

you drive through this strange countryside you

1:25:55

crest this hill and you see two

1:25:57

things one you see that your poop

1:25:59

pond has just like blossomed into like

1:26:02

a rancid, horrible swamp. It's

1:26:05

just, and you know, just from the stench that

1:26:07

like this could only be what has grown out

1:26:09

of this poop on a dense lush,

1:26:11

just like it's the one still untamed

1:26:14

dark part of this world that hasn't

1:26:16

been, you know, broken by civilization yet.

1:26:18

And then you see where you saw

1:26:21

originally this capsule being buried, you see

1:26:23

a temple and you see

1:26:25

priests in robes and you see a

1:26:27

crowd of people watching as a high

1:26:29

priest ascends a set of stairs. And

1:26:31

at the top of the steps, there's

1:26:34

a massive sculpture of

1:26:36

this huge green key. And

1:26:39

he lights a torch and lights a

1:26:41

big bonfire beneath it. This is some sort of

1:26:43

ceremony honoring this key, this strange artifact. And as

1:26:45

he lights up the key, he's a higher up

1:26:47

now and his eye can kind of catch your

1:26:50

sight line at the top of the hill. And

1:26:52

he looks horror struck at you. And then he

1:26:54

calls out to the crowd below and he says,

1:26:57

Outlanders! ["Mother,

1:27:00

Mother, Fear Me"]

1:27:20

["Mother, Mother, Fear Me"] ["Mother,

1:27:24

Mother, Fear Me"] ["Mother,

1:27:54

Mother, Fear Me"]

1:28:00

But I'll stay today

1:29:30

All that I can see is a hole

1:29:32

in the stars Swallowing

1:29:37

my dreams and making them

1:29:40

scars Too

1:29:42

far, too far away

1:29:45

But I'll stay today

1:30:00

All that I could

1:30:03

see is a cornerstone

1:30:10

Swallowing my dreams and

1:30:12

making them scars Too

1:30:14

far, too far away But

1:30:22

I'll stay today

1:30:32

I skipped firearms 1-13 I

1:30:34

never see it, I never fucking

1:30:36

will