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safety efficacy or quality. Hi and welcome

2:06

back to How I Quit Alcohol Christmas

2:08

Edition. 25 episodes in 25 days. We're

2:10

almost there people getting through this crazy

2:12

season. I've had some beautiful guests on

2:14

and this guest today is one of

2:17

my favorite humans in the world. We've

2:19

just wrapped up an awesome little Australian

2:21

tour. We went on to work doing

2:23

our nervous system workshop. It's my friend

2:26

beautiful ash butters. How are you? Hi,

2:28

Danny. How are you? I'm so good.

2:30

Happy holidays. It's good to see your

2:32

face. I missed you after our little

2:34

trips to Perth and to Sydney. I

2:37

miss you too. I've gone into Danny

2:39

withdrawals. It's horrible. Likewise. It was so

2:41

nice. So nice getting to hang out

2:43

and getting to know people even better

2:46

too, especially when you're on the same

2:48

trip. Yeah, so my favorite was definitely

2:50

rooming together in Perth that they were

2:52

so beautiful, wasn't it? I know. I

2:54

like you because you like nice things

2:57

too. Yeah, and she sports. Yeah, there's

2:59

a side of me that loves roughing

3:01

it. I love to rough it. I

3:03

like nice things too, so it's it's

3:06

beautiful. Anyhow, Ash, let's talk about this

3:08

silly season. How are you doing? I

3:10

know you're moving house at the moment,

3:12

so that's always a big thing. Well,

3:15

you know what, Danny, I'm doing everything

3:17

that I tell my clients not to

3:19

do at the moment. So I got

3:21

off the back of our Ozzy Tour,

3:23

which was incredible. I actually wasn't home

3:26

in Melbourne for six consecutive weeks, and

3:28

then I rolled straight into a two-day

3:30

event with my clients, which was incredible.

3:32

And then straight after that went into

3:35

moving house. So I don't advise it,

3:37

but my goodness, I'm so grateful for

3:39

my totally practices because they're definitely... helping

3:41

me move through the craziness that is

3:43

life right now. Yeah, and that's why

3:46

we need them right to bolster us

3:48

through these times. It's not just about

3:50

feeling good in the moment, it's actually

3:52

about taking care of yourself long term.

3:55

So good on you. Yeah, thank you.

3:57

Yeah. We were talking a little bit

3:59

about what to talk about today. Let's.

4:01

have a little chat about what you

4:03

think can help people through this crazy

4:06

season. Absolutely, you know, as we were

4:08

chatting earlier, I was telling you about,

4:10

I'm actually writing a newsletter to my

4:12

community this week, just about really simple

4:15

ways that you can nurture and nourish

4:17

yourself during the holiday season, because I

4:19

don't know about you, Danny, but... I

4:21

actually can wake up some mornings and

4:24

if I'm already feeling overwhelmed, then it's

4:26

even just the decision fatigue of deciding,

4:28

well, what practice do I need to

4:30

implement or what is going to help

4:32

me in this moment? Even that can

4:35

feel like a little too much. So

4:37

I thought can feel like a little

4:39

too much. So I thought today we

4:41

could chat about just five simple ways

4:44

that you can support yourself and this

4:46

way all of your listeners can have

4:48

these. You can write them down as

4:50

you're listening. discussed both to you throughout

4:52

the craziness of the silly season. So

4:55

let's kick it off with number one,

4:57

which is to start your day with

4:59

intention. So first thing in the morning,

5:01

it can be very natural for an

5:04

overactive mind to turn on straight away.

5:06

You know, it's the monkey mind, it's

5:08

the to do list. Like at the

5:10

moment, my God, my to do list

5:12

is just like, oh, it's endless. And

5:15

that in and of itself can be

5:17

quite overwhelming. So what I've been practicing

5:19

is just a very simple intention intention

5:21

setting. which is really just what I

5:24

create is a mantra for myself that

5:26

day. And I try to think about

5:28

the day ahead and what tasks I

5:30

have to achieve, and then I create

5:33

a mantra that supports that. So it

5:35

may be something as simple as today

5:37

I choose peace. If you know that

5:39

you're going into maybe a family situation

5:41

where there might be a couple of

5:44

people who are a little triggering for

5:46

you, maybe that is your intention, that

5:48

is your mantra, I choose peace. Or

5:50

another really beautiful one that was actually

5:53

suggested off a meditation that I was

5:55

listening to this morning is I choose

5:57

acceptance. To free yourself from the judgment,

5:59

from the tension, from the craziness, it's

6:01

just like, you know what? I'm just

6:04

going to accept whatever life has to

6:06

throw at me today, which is really

6:08

beautiful as well. So it's a very

6:10

simple practice. If you like to write

6:13

it down, then you can write it

6:15

down. If you like to do more

6:17

of an affirmation-based practice, then you could

6:19

repeat it a few times to yourself

6:22

in the mirror. Whatever works for you.

6:24

That's lovely. And just setting that intention,

6:26

I love to write them down and

6:28

think about them in my meditation and

6:30

repeat it throughout the day and repeat

6:33

it throughout the day. Yeah. Yeah I

6:35

love that too. Today I choose peace

6:37

or today I choose acceptance. Beautiful. Absolutely.

6:39

They've been on rotation. All right let's,

6:42

number two, staying hydrated. Yes. I know

6:44

that we're sober humans here and everyone

6:46

listening along is hopefully endeavoring to have

6:48

a sober Christmas. Congratulations if this is

6:50

your first one. It's going to be...

6:53

amazing and challenging all at the same

6:55

time and I promise you each year

6:57

does get easier but drinking water is

6:59

something that is so simple it's free

7:02

it's accessible for most and yet we

7:04

can be so busy that we just

7:06

forget to do that so I've got

7:08

a water bottle right here I can

7:10

show you I actually lost my favorite

7:13

water bottle in the move it's hasn't

7:15

been found yet, but I've got another

7:17

one and it's here and it's full

7:19

at all times and I'm just constantly

7:22

taking steps of water throughout the day

7:24

and I find that that really helps

7:26

not only my body but my mind

7:28

as well. Yeah I find that if

7:31

I am not hydrated I get really

7:33

agitated like I'm just I'm super agitated

7:35

yeah and cranky yes yeah yeah I

7:37

think it's because like for me I

7:39

get headaches when I'm dehydrated and it's

7:42

just yeah oh horrible so such a

7:44

simple one that I think we often

7:46

forget I know that my mom has

7:48

never been a big water drinker and

7:51

she's recently started to challenge herself and

7:53

so she's got one of those really

7:55

big water bottles I think they're Stanley's

7:57

or something and she's just carries around

7:59

there and it's been It's been so

8:02

helpful in helping to get that two

8:04

to three leaders in each day. Absolutely.

8:06

That's great. And of course being hung

8:08

over, you're not hydrated, right? In fact,

8:11

I'm going to take a drink of

8:13

water right now, Ash, thanks for that.

8:15

Excellent. Oh, that's a lovely glass. I

8:17

know. Big, heavy crystal glass, love it.

8:19

Fancy. Okay, another three, shall we? Yes,

8:22

please. Great. All right. This is one

8:24

of my favorites. This is all about

8:26

learning to honor your boundaries. This is

8:28

such a challenging time of year for

8:31

so many people. And one of the

8:33

things that I used to find really

8:35

hard in the early days of my

8:37

sobriety was trying to be everything to

8:40

be everything. And, particularly around this time

8:42

of year, when there are so many

8:44

social engagements. What I ended up doing

8:46

was I was burning myself out, I

8:48

was running myself so into the ground

8:51

that I actually couldn't show up as

8:53

the best version of myself in any

8:55

of those situations and so everybody was

8:57

kind of getting the worst of me

9:00

and in doing so I was really

9:02

abandoning myself. Now this has taken me

9:04

time to learn how to do. But

9:06

I'm much better these days at saying

9:08

no. In fact, I actually canceled my

9:11

own birthday party last Friday because I

9:13

just had too much on and I

9:15

thought to myself, yes, it would be

9:17

lovely to go out for lunch with

9:20

all of my girlfriends, but I know

9:22

what my capacity is and I'm pretty

9:24

much already there and I can celebrate

9:26

my birthday another time. God willing, there's

9:28

going to be plenty more to come.

9:31

And I just knew in that moment

9:33

that the... initial no was going to

9:35

give me more yeses further down the

9:37

track. So whatever that looks like for

9:40

you, maybe it's saying no to a

9:42

family gathering if you know that there's

9:44

going to be a lot of booze

9:46

around and you're just not ready to

9:49

enter into an environment like that. People

9:51

that love you, they may not understand,

9:53

but hopefully they will and they'll support

9:55

you. But just learning to say no

9:57

has been huge for me and it's

10:00

a sign really of self-respect. a situation

10:02

just last week where I'd invited people

10:04

over family members over for Christmas Eve

10:06

and then one of the group said

10:09

oh hey I'm going to have my

10:11

my mother-in-law and then her this and

10:13

this and there was like an extra

10:15

10 of them and my initial was

10:17

to go oh yeah that's okay don't

10:19

worry about it they can come too.

10:21

And I just thought about it a minute,

10:24

I thought, don't respond yet, just wait, Danny,

10:26

practice what you preach. And I thought about

10:28

it, and I thought, actually, I don't want

10:30

an extra 10 people in my house. I

10:32

could have said yes, but so I messaged

10:34

back and said, look, if it's okay, I

10:36

might just say no, and you guys do something

10:39

else, it just feels a lot for me. And

10:41

I just feel like, as well as everyone else,

10:43

it's just going to add too much to the

10:45

whole thing. She was fine. She was like, yeah,

10:48

totally get it. No problems. Thanks for that. And

10:50

I just feel a lot better about it. I

10:52

do still feel a little bit like, eh, about

10:54

it, but that's okay, because that's what it feels

10:57

like to have a boundary sometimes. But you know

10:59

what, to weigh it up, it's worth weighing it

11:01

up to go, no, you know. And I was

11:03

speaking to another friend yesterday where she's not

11:06

going to Christmas this year. She's in

11:08

AA and she's just decided, you know what,

11:10

every year I go and people getting drunk

11:12

and there's always a fight and this and

11:14

that and all these things happen. She's like,

11:16

I just want to stay home with my

11:18

dog. Oh my goodness, that sounds like heaven to

11:21

me. Oh right, that's what she's doing. Good,

11:23

fuck yeah, good on you. Like, that's what

11:25

you want, that's what you do. So that's

11:27

great advice, Ash, just to honour your boundaries.

11:29

And I'm still learning how to do this,

11:31

I'm going to be honest. I made a

11:33

commitment to myself that I would do every

11:35

second year in Bali for Christmas, because it's

11:38

my birthday on the same day, and I

11:40

do find it quite triggering for a number

11:42

of reasons, and it's really got nothing to

11:44

do with anyone else. It's my own journey,

11:46

it's my own journey, but because my partner's

11:48

work, And so I'm actually setting up my day. I've actually

11:51

just booked an 8am yoga class. And then I've got

11:53

a couple of friends who are meeting me for a

11:55

swim. Then I'm going to go to a meeting, a

11:57

12-step meeting, and then I'm going to go see my

11:59

family after that. So really... again, putting all of

12:01

my support systems in place so that I

12:03

can feel my very best when I do

12:05

then go into the day. And yeah, I

12:07

know we were chatting about it when we

12:09

were in first, right? Yeah, so I squeeze

12:12

you so hard right now. Thank you. And

12:14

just one more thing I want to say

12:16

on boundaries. If you're somebody who finds it

12:18

really difficult to set a boundary, because

12:20

that was absolutely me as well, I'm

12:23

going to give you just a little

12:25

sentence that's going to change your life.

12:27

Are you ready for it? That's

12:29

all you need. When we think we have to

12:31

make the decision in the moment, what we'll

12:34

often do is we'll just take the easier

12:36

route, which is the yes. Yep, sure. Yep.

12:38

No worries, because we don't want people to

12:40

not like us. Just can I think about it?

12:42

Can I sleep on it? Whatever feels right

12:44

for you, but it just gives you

12:46

that little bit of a breath, a

12:48

pause, and you can feel into what

12:50

decision is going to be best for

12:52

you. yes it's that sacred pause it's

12:54

that moment and the thing is if

12:56

we don't honor our boundaries what happens

12:59

actually our nervous system gets completely out

13:01

of whack because we're usually running ourselves

13:03

ragged and when the nervous system's out

13:05

of whack what happens we make shitty

13:07

choices so I love I love love

13:09

love love love that you're going and

13:11

doing all those things for yourself Christmas

13:13

morning the morning of your birthday

13:15

and it what I'm thinking is

13:17

that by really doing those nurturing

13:20

beautiful practices for yourself you'll be

13:22

in good shape when you do

13:24

get to the family Christmas event.

13:26

100% yeah excellent. I love that.

13:28

I love that. Love it so

13:30

much. Number four let's talk about

13:32

moving your body in a way

13:34

that you love. So again one

13:36

of the things that can often

13:39

fall away when we're very very

13:41

busy is our physical practice whenever

13:43

that looks like. So if you love getting

13:45

outside and going for a walk, then make

13:47

sure that you're giving yourself some time to

13:49

do that, even if it's 10 minutes. For

13:52

me, I love getting on my yoga mat.

13:54

So I am making sure that I am

13:56

prioritizing booking classes so that I have that

13:59

time to do so. Maybe it's being

14:01

with your children in the living room

14:03

and playing some music and just having

14:05

some somatic free dancing with them. Whatever

14:08

it is, just remembering to move our

14:10

bodies because there can be a lot

14:12

of sitting, a lot of eating. all

14:14

that kind of stuff at this time

14:17

of year and when you do that

14:19

consecutively I don't know about you don't

14:21

even but I just start to feel

14:24

really rubbish so moving your body in

14:26

any way that feels supportive for you

14:28

if you're not a runner don't go

14:31

for a tank run like do what

14:33

feels nurturing for you and something that

14:35

as well is again gonna regulate your

14:38

nervous system so this isn't about getting

14:40

a huge dump of cortisol into the

14:42

system it's just about finding ways that

14:45

you can connect back in and give

14:47

yourself that energy that is so often

14:49

depleted at this busy time of year.

14:52

Yeah movement so important isn't it just

14:54

to move the move the body connect

14:56

to your body stretch it out feel

14:59

good I love it that's great lucky

15:01

last number five and this is probably

15:03

my favorite it's just to remember to

15:05

savor the moment it is so easy

15:08

to be rushing through the to-do list

15:10

even on Christmas day it's like right

15:12

we've got to Be with the kids,

15:15

open the presents, then get to mom

15:17

and dad's, then do the family thing

15:19

there, then we've got to get the

15:22

car, get to my partner's house, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-

15:24

You can notice the smell of the

15:26

pine as you brush past a Christmas

15:29

tree or you know I was just

15:31

driving down the street to my new

15:33

house yesterday and somebody's put these like

15:36

giant Christmas lanterns outside their front like

15:38

on the nature strip so everybody can

15:40

enjoy it and I just thought oh

15:43

my goodness that's so beautiful I wish

15:45

we did stuff like this all throughout.

15:47

the year, even when you sit down

15:50

on Christmas Day to eat lunch, actually

15:52

really savoring the taste of the meal,

15:54

having gratitude for the people who prepared

15:56

the meal, even if that was yourself,

15:59

just really honoring that present moment, the

16:01

sacredness of that, and having gratitude for

16:03

the fact that you're here, you're alive,

16:06

and that you get to experience this

16:08

day, hopefully, with some people that you

16:10

care about, or if it's your friend

16:13

that you just mentioned with your dog

16:15

at home, which I'm here for. Yes,

16:17

I love that. And I want to

16:20

take it one step further and say

16:22

to everyone, could you go around the

16:24

table on a Christmas lunch? And perhaps

16:27

maybe you bring in a new ceremony

16:29

to your Christmas lunch is where you

16:31

all share what you're grateful for. Go

16:34

around the table. One thing that you're

16:36

all grateful for, maybe one thing you're

16:38

grateful for about each other or something

16:41

like that, pull a name out of

16:43

the hat. and tell that one person

16:45

perhaps what you're grateful for about them

16:47

and really introduce that feeling of gratitude

16:50

to this beautiful time of year and

16:52

to each other and the people that

16:54

we love even those that challenge us

16:57

this time of year and just savoring

16:59

absolutely savoring the moment, savor. all those

17:01

people that are in that room because

17:04

you know you never know when we

17:06

won't all be in that room together.

17:08

That's exactly right that yeah that is

17:11

so so true and just to everybody

17:13

that is listening along who has the

17:15

intention of a sober Christmas I just

17:18

want to honour you and I have

17:20

gratitude for you and I hope that

17:22

you can have gratitude for yourself because

17:25

it is so powerful to choose this

17:27

life and the gifts that you give

17:29

not only to yourself but everyone around

17:31

you so congratulations and I'm wishing you

17:34

all the very best for a safe

17:36

and sober Christmas and year. Excellent, Ash,

17:38

and likewise to you, happy birthday. Thank

17:41

you. Will you a Christmas? And I

17:43

hope you have an amazing Christmas as

17:45

well. And for those listening, I'm just

17:48

going to have to throw this in.

17:50

Why not gift yourself the gift of

17:52

coming on retreat with Ash and mine

17:55

next September and Bali? Yes! Oh, I'm

17:57

getting so excited. I had a beautiful

17:59

client at my... I see to me

18:02

yesterday saying that she's just booked her

18:04

spot and I'm just like, it's going

18:06

to be. They're nurturing, yeah, and all

18:09

those elements. There'll be intention, there'll be

18:11

some movement, there'll be nurturing, gratitude, all

18:13

those things, the moving body, all these

18:16

beautiful practices and nurturing things within that

18:18

retreat. So you might buy it for

18:20

yourself this Christmas. You might go, yep,

18:22

I'm doing that, and you might spend

18:25

all year paying it off, and then

18:27

that's also your gift to yourself next

18:29

Christmas. 100%? Yeah. Please reach out if

18:32

you can. Yes, we would love to

18:34

see you there. Thank you so much,

18:36

Danny. I adore you. Thanks, likewise. Have

18:39

a great person, my friend. Bye. Bye.

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