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1:22

Hi, folks. So today I've got something

1:24

for all of you Apple users out there, the

1:26

Mac Geek Gab podcast.

1:29

This show is in its 17th year

1:31

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Hosts, Dave Hamilton and Pilot Pete,

1:40

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1:43

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1:45

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1:47

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1:49

the great part is that they always make

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sure that each answer has actionable

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tips with easy instructions for listeners too.

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just select multiple items and choose

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will let you record an audio message instead

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of sending a text which is way better than

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the dictate function because I'm always I always

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get stage fright when that thing turns on all

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of my all of my dictated texts begin

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with um So if you use an iPhone

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a Mac an iPad an Apple watch

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an Apple TV or are just simply

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a technology Enthusiast you're going to

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3:07

previously on midnight burger

3:09

Stumbling

3:14

upon Tarik in present-day America the

3:16

diner institutes operation

3:18

coming to steal your man Yale

3:20

break motherfucker tomorrow comes along and

3:23

she has a helicopter now I'm too rich to repeat

3:25

myself don't make me while in a standoff

3:27

with federal agents Tarik confesses

3:29

that despite everything He's still

3:31

got a weakness for redheads as long as

3:33

those redheads are capable of devouring

3:36

all of space-time Like it's a Totino's

3:38

pizza somewhere deep down is still that

3:41

medieval romantic That

3:44

part of me that would give Anything

3:47

just to see your face again I

3:52

love that guy now that we're

3:54

all on the same page. Let's track down Clementine

3:57

and end this

3:59

Clementine,

4:04

stop!

4:04

I need your help. Oh really? You

4:07

need their help? Has it all come crashing

4:09

down Clementine? Who could have predicted

4:12

that other than everybody?

4:13

Let's start the shift.

4:36

Have you

4:46

seen the

4:59

video?

5:02

I will not, not in a million years,

5:05

understand your obsession with starting

5:07

over. I'm not obsessed. That's completely

5:09

unfair. No matter what we talk about, no

5:11

matter what problem we're having, you always

5:14

bring it back around to getting out of

5:16

this town and starting over. We

5:17

should get out of this town and

5:20

start over. That is not the solution to

5:22

everything. I never said it was the solution

5:24

to everything. The kitchen sink backed up and

5:26

your solution was to get out of town and

5:28

start over again. I wasn't presenting

5:31

it as a solution to the sink. Of

5:33

course you weren't, but you never hesitate

5:35

to bring it up, do you? No, Peter, honestly,

5:38

I don't. Do you know why? Because

5:41

we should get out of town and

5:43

start over again. Our

5:45

lives are here. Our

5:48

kids go to school here. My sister is here.

5:50

Her kids are here. That doesn't mean we have to stay

5:52

here. I realize you don't understand

5:55

the importance of family because yours was so

5:57

dysfunctional. But it's important.

5:59

Important

6:01

and it's important in ways that nobody

6:03

anticipated You are

6:04

seriously going to stand there

6:07

and accuse me of not knowing

6:09

the importance of family After

6:11

giving birth

6:12

to not one but

6:14

two of your children not what I'm

6:16

saying It sounds like that's what you're doing

6:18

for words in my mouth. I don't need to put

6:20

words in your mouth You

6:22

don't understand the importance

6:25

of family. That's what you

6:26

said Stephanie. It's not just our

6:29

kids Everyone my sister

6:31

her kids this town we rely

6:34

on these people and they rely on us We don't

6:36

rely on these people Of

6:38

course we do at

6:39

least once a day Someone from

6:41

this town comes to you with a problem for you

6:44

to clean up who said that was your

6:46

job

6:47

There's a reason this town doesn't have a mayor

6:49

Peter. It doesn't need one

6:51

Fine, let's hear it. Let's hear

6:53

your solution then. What are you talking about?

6:55

Where are we moving to? Peter

6:58

no, no, no, no, we're gonna sell the motel and

7:00

then pack up the covered wagon, right? I'm sure

7:02

you have this all figured out because you can't

7:04

stop bringing it up. So what's the plan? We're

7:08

supposed to come up with a plan

7:10

together

7:11

or something to me anything pick a city

7:13

in the northern hemisphere. Let's go No,

7:17

you can't do you know why because this

7:19

escape plan of yours starting over in

7:21

a new town It completely falls apart

7:24

when we're confronted with a little thing called reality

7:28

What would we do there? Could the kids walk to school

7:30

like they do now? Are there even schools

7:32

nearby? Can we afford to live there?

7:35

Etc, etc, etc There

7:39

are answers to all those questions.

7:41

There are answers to all those questions

7:44

I guarantee you this escape plan

7:46

of yours will collapse in on itself as

7:48

soon as you get an answer You don't like you're

7:50

in favor of leaving so long as there are no

7:53

complications and everything goes our way When

7:56

in the history of the world has

7:58

that ever happened?

8:01

What brain are we arguing in? Seven.

8:04

Let's go.

8:15

Sheesh. Frank?

8:32

Hey, Frank. Clementine.

8:39

Who are you?

8:43

Just great.

8:47

Okay.

8:49

There was a kind of crazy scene out there. I

8:52

think a couple checked in to try and work out their marital

8:54

problems. Do you know them? I do. I

8:57

do. Who are

8:59

they? That's

9:03

Peter and Stephanie Sturgis. My

9:07

mother and father. Your mother and

9:10

father? Yes. Frank.

9:17

Frank, didn't you tell me that your father passed

9:19

away? Yes.

9:23

Yes. Well,

9:26

what...

9:28

Frank, what's going on? My

9:31

parents were very protective. They were very

9:33

concerned about fighting in front of us.

9:35

They thought it would be traumatic. So

9:37

they had this habit. When they needed

9:40

to have a fight, they would get a sitter and

9:42

then stay here. They would

9:44

fight all night long and then come back the

9:46

next day like nothing had happened. I

9:49

got wise to it when I was 12. I

9:52

always wondered what they were fighting about. That's...

9:55

that's them and that car? What

9:57

car? What do you mean? What... The

10:00

car is gone. Just wait.

10:16

Oh god.

10:18

How long has this been happening?

10:20

It started this morning. Who is

10:22

that? It's Clementine. What is

10:24

she doing here? I don't know. Clementine,

10:27

what are you doing here? I was just... You

10:30

know, June has a theory. What?

10:33

June, you

10:33

have a theory? You did this, Clementine.

10:35

As you can imagine, we're starting

10:37

to go a little crazy around here. I'm

10:40

not crazy, you're crazy. There was, when

10:42

we first met you, when you were lying in the parking

10:45

lot and we took you to the hospital, June and I waited

10:47

for a while. There was this weird thing

10:50

that happened. One of the nurses

10:52

kept calling for Dr. Nate. She

10:55

did it over and over

10:57

again. June now thinks that

10:59

it was... There was a time loop. She

11:02

thinks it was a time loop. Which

11:04

she got from a Star Trek episode. So what

11:06

is this Star Trek episode? Tell her

11:09

about the car. And there was a

11:11

car that kept driving by the motel over and

11:13

over again. She thinks that was another

11:15

one. And now...

11:17

And now there's a literal

11:19

outer limit episode happening in our parking

11:21

lot.

11:22

And she says it's because of you.

11:23

It all started when you showed up, Clementine.

11:26

We've

11:26

gone through several stages with this today. Shock,

11:29

horror, disbelief. Here,

11:32

at the end of the day, I think we've drifted

11:34

now into resignation.

11:37

I think we're just waiting for it to stop

11:39

so we can start pretending it never happened.

11:42

Why doesn't she make it stop? She's

11:44

the one who made it happen. June, come out of

11:46

the bathroom. No way. Not with her

11:48

out there. This isn't her fault, June. You're

11:50

being ridiculous. You're being ridiculous.

11:53

Just blame someone because they're new in town. You

11:55

know I'm right, Trey. Nobody

11:57

knows anything about anything. My dead father

11:59

is... arguing in the parking lot June

12:02

she's right

12:05

she's right Frank

12:10

it's me I

12:12

did it

12:14

but I mean you're a strange

12:17

person but a bar of gold

12:18

Frank I just

12:20

had that on me I

12:23

brought beer from Tokyo and didn't know it was in Japan

12:25

I

12:27

disappeared from the hospital

12:30

how did I disappear from the hospital

12:32

and these are all strange

12:34

things fine here's

12:36

another bar of gold

12:39

is that not good enough you want another one

12:43

you're not convinced

12:45

I can make my favorite song

12:47

play out of thin air how about that

12:51

where is that coming from I can

12:53

do anything I want

12:56

anything I want except for the thing I want to do

12:59

terrible sometimes

13:03

look you may think

13:04

Christ do you still not believe me fine

13:07

there's a chicken in the bathroom now that

13:15

is that good enough

13:17

I think

13:19

I broke Frank is this a living

13:22

chicken we had just have a chicken

13:24

now yes enjoy okay

13:28

I'm going to go outside and

13:30

I'm going to put things right again and

13:32

then I'm going to go before I break something else

13:34

or

13:36

break everything you're

13:38

going to do wait I really

13:44

am sorry you to time is the

13:48

substance

13:50

I made us time is a river that sleeps

13:53

me along but I am the river there's a tiger

13:55

which destroyed me but I am the tiger is a

13:57

fire which consumes me

14:02

I will not, not in a million years,

14:04

understand your obsession. I'm

14:07

not obsessed. That's completely

14:09

unfair. I

14:10

will not, not in a million years, understand your

14:12

obsession. I'm not obsessed. That's

14:14

completely unfair. Oh

14:17

my God. What

14:18

the hell? Permanente, this

14:20

doesn't

14:20

look like fixing

14:22

things. That's not supposed to happen. None

14:24

of this is supposed to happen. I don't understand.

14:26

There are three of my aunt and

14:28

uncle now. There's not supposed to be any

14:30

of them. Okay, wait, wait, just

14:32

wait. Let me

14:34

try again. Time

14:36

is the substance I'm made of. Time is the river that

14:38

freaks me along, but I am the river. It

14:41

is a tiger which destroys me, but I am the tiger. It

14:43

is a fire which

14:44

consumes me, but I am

14:46

the fire. I will not,

14:48

not in a million years, understand your obsession. No, no,

14:51

no, no. What? This

14:54

isn't supposed to happen.

14:55

This isn't supposed to happen. What exactly is this?

14:58

I don't know. I don't know what's happening. I can't

15:00

control it. Permanente, tell me what you're doing.

15:03

I don't know what I'm doing. I don't understand any of

15:05

this. It's gotten out of my control.

15:07

I need to get help. What?

15:11

From where? I'm going to go.

15:13

I'm going to go get help. Frank,

15:18

listen. I'm so sorry.

15:22

I thought I could control it. I thought I was in

15:24

control.

15:26

I'll be back. Let's not. What?

15:31

Oh, Jesus.

15:34

What? She

15:36

just vanished. What?

15:38

Where the hell did she go? Whoa.

15:47

The fuck is

15:49

that?

15:54

Hey, there, folks. You

15:56

must be Frank in June. Strange time.

15:59

Am I right?

15:59

Give me one second. We'll be right with

16:02

that was different. What the fuck is

16:04

happening here? Lape

16:08

where are we timeline? This

16:11

isn't Clementine

16:12

Ava. I'm thinking EFI

16:21

Yes, I can see that I

16:26

think they're all the real

16:28

ones. That's the problem

16:32

Clementine tell me exactly

16:34

what happened. There was one car it kept showing up That's

16:37

Frank's mother and father in the car. His

16:39

father passed away. This is a scene from their path

16:41

And then how did it become six

16:44

cars? I tried to fix it. It

16:46

usually works when I try to fix it How did

16:48

you try to fix it? There's this thing

16:50

I say I

16:51

say it when I need to focus What is it

16:54

time is the substance? I am made of time

16:56

is a river that sweeps me along, but I am the river

16:59

It is a tiger which destroys me, but I

17:01

am the tiger. It is a fire which consumes

17:04

me But I am the fire or

17:06

his what poor hey bore has

17:08

he's a writer you were reciting bore

17:10

has I don't know who that is. It's something my

17:12

mother taught me to recite when I was panicking

17:15

It seemed to work when I needed to focus on something.

17:17

Well, guess what? It's not

17:19

working. What is

17:20

happening? Okay It's a lot sure

17:23

don't panic. First of all, let me say

17:25

that I really love your motel very mid-sensory

17:27

modern very lost highway What is happening?

17:30

Okay, let's just first paragraph

17:32

of Wikipedia this shall we we're midnight

17:34

burger a time-traveling dimension

17:36

spanning diner We've been trying to hunt down

17:38

a mysterious red-headed woman who has been

17:40

fucking up the cosmos Sounds familiar

17:43

Clementine. Yes Turns

17:45

out when she was taking a break

17:47

from destroying all of existence. She liked to

17:49

hang out here I mean, why wouldn't she it's

17:51

lovely. Where are we Washington, Oregon? Great

17:54

So the problem is Clementine

17:56

eventually destabilizes everything around

17:59

her including this Because he stabilizes

18:01

how? Well, you know how things have a

18:03

tendency to exist? We

18:06

are aware. She tends to make them stop

18:08

doing that. You guys are going to stop that though, right?

18:10

Yes. How is a diner going to stop that?

18:13

Well, we don't know yet, but we've

18:15

got two very smart people, a 700-year-old

18:17

man, two Baptist

18:20

ministers, and a very competent

18:23

restaurant manager. So the answer's got to

18:25

be in there somewhere, right? What do you do? You

18:27

know, I used to work at the DMV and I was trying to

18:29

figure it all out. You know, it's a process. Uh,

18:31

looks like the couples are all inside the rooms

18:33

now. Hi there. Hey,

18:34

this is Gloria. She runs the place.

18:36

Nice to meet you. Welcome

18:38

to the weirdest day of your life. I mean,

18:40

I hope it is. It's a lot,

18:42

sure, but I think you'll find that

18:45

your capacity for weird shit is

18:47

way higher than you think it is. What...

18:50

what happens now? Well, we've got

18:53

about a half-dozen temporal anomalies,

18:55

don't we? Who are the two

18:58

people in these cars?

18:59

It's...

19:02

it's my mom

19:03

and dad. And is this

19:05

them in the present?

19:08

No. No, my

19:11

dad passed away. My mom

19:13

lives in New Mexico now.

19:15

Okay, so they definitely

19:18

shouldn't be here and there definitely

19:21

shouldn't be six pairs of them, right?

19:23

Correct. Clementine.

19:26

You can't stay away from

19:28

me. How are you even here? It's a long story.

19:30

What did I do to you?

19:32

Did I...

19:34

did I make you American? Clementine,

19:37

no. It's

19:37

the pillars of salt all over again. You've got to stay

19:39

away from me. Wait, listen. I can't.

19:42

Tarek, please. Okay,

19:44

let's not make this too complicated.

19:47

If we get all the moms and dads

19:49

inside the diner, that

19:51

should solve the problem, as long as we can keep

19:53

them in there long enough. It seems like

19:55

they can't even see us, though.

19:58

We've got to make them see us. Also, the... The

20:00

hard part is, we can't just

20:02

drag them in there. We've got to convince them

20:04

to

20:05

go into the diner. Why? Just

20:07

trust me. Fine. So,

20:10

Mom and Dad had some marital problems?

20:13

Ugh.

20:14

I mean, they never split up, but they did

20:16

fight

20:17

a lot. My mom said she never

20:19

understood their relationship. She did? Yeah.

20:22

Did you? No. I guess not. Okay.

20:25

We've got six rooms. Everybody

20:27

take a room and try to convince them

20:29

to have a cup of coffee at the diner

20:32

that just appeared in the parking lot.

20:34

Gloria,

20:34

are you

20:36

seriously asking this

20:38

particular group of people to help them

20:40

work out their marital problems? Yes.

20:43

Show of hands. Who here feels comfortable

20:45

being a marriage counselor?

20:49

Well, both of our hands are up. Lace,

20:52

we're never the right people

20:54

for any situation we're in. We're

20:56

just the only ones around. Fair point.

20:58

Ugh, I'm going to hate this. Everybody

21:00

pick a room. Let's go.

21:02

Gloria, I'll take a room. You

21:04

should probably talk to Clementine.

21:06

She ran off somewhere. I think

21:08

maybe we should fix whatever problem this is first. Are

21:10

you sure? It could get pretty

21:12

weird in there. Because of the temporal anomalies. Because

21:14

you have to help someone with their

21:16

marriage.

21:16

I have a degree in psychology. You

21:18

do? I'm a 700 year old scholar, Gloria.

21:21

I've got a degree in pretty much everything. Really?

21:24

University of Copenhagen, 1932. It's

21:27

been a while, but I'm sure it'll come back to me.

21:30

Okay. Uh,

21:31

lobotomies are bad

21:33

now. Great. I'm updated. Get in there. Hey,

21:36

I'm about to go help someone with their marriage. I

21:38

know. Which should be the beginning of a joke. Yes.

21:40

But instead it's a real thing that's happened. Casper,

21:42

I'm about to get in there as

21:44

well. And the word marriage makes

21:46

me literally start packing a suitcase

21:49

for no

21:49

reason. This is gonna be ridiculous.

21:50

I'm taking room seven. Come

21:53

do this with me. What? Tarek's going to help

21:55

so we can double up.

21:56

I'm not going to help your success rate in there.

21:58

I know.

21:59

But when it goes wrong, I can blame you.

22:02

Okay. Frank, June, you

22:05

can probably be a lot of help here

22:07

because you actually knew them. I

22:09

know you think you're going crazy,

22:11

but we really need you to pick a room and

22:14

try to make something happen.

22:15

Uh... Uncle Pete died

22:18

not too long ago now. It's...

22:22

it's a lot. Right.

22:24

Well,

22:26

here's something that I've learned in this

22:28

completely nuts situation that I'm in.

22:31

It's all happening.

22:33

It's all happening

22:35

right now. The

22:38

past, the future, they're

22:41

all just pages in a book.

22:43

But the whole book is right

22:46

in front of you. There's

22:48

an opportunity here because you've

22:51

read the book, which means you can go

22:53

back to the beginning and see the story in

22:55

a completely different way. You

22:58

get

22:58

to talk to the past from the future.

23:02

Maybe since you know the ending, you have something

23:05

to say about the beginning. You're

23:07

a restaurant manager. I prefer

23:09

Taquiera, but that's fine.

23:11

What if none of this works? Are we

23:13

going to be stuck like this forever?

23:14

I've never seen anything last forever. But

23:17

how about we don't think about failure

23:19

right now?

23:20

Okay. Which room are we taking?

23:22

Number one. This is ridiculous.

23:25

We're just going around in circles again. I hear

23:27

you, Peter. Let's try and start again.

23:30

Stephanie,

23:31

you mentioned wanting to move to a new town, and

23:33

Peter, you have strong ties to this community. Can

23:36

you both share your perspectives?

23:37

I've been feeling the need for a fresh

23:40

start.

23:41

This is a small town.

23:42

A very small town.

23:44

I can walk across the entire town in an afternoon.

23:47

That's

23:47

not true. The town is much bigger

23:50

than that. Peter, please. It's your

23:52

turn. Let's hear from Stephanie right now. We're

23:53

trying to raise kids.

23:56

Kids need to be exposed

23:58

to things. There's only so many things we can do. they

24:00

can be exposed to in a

24:02

town that only exists because of

24:04

an onslaught of

24:05

skiers every winter. Peter, can

24:07

you understand her position? Exposing them to

24:09

things cuts both ways. There's a

24:12

lot going on in bigger cities, maybe things

24:14

we don't want to expose them to. That's what he does.

24:17

Every time we talk about this, he

24:19

imagines we're moving to some urban hellscape

24:22

that he saw in a movie

24:23

one time. We saw Deathwish in the

24:25

theater and it was very disturbing.

24:27

It wasn't a documentary, Peter! Peter, you

24:29

seem to have deep roots in this community. Can

24:32

you tell me about what these roots mean

24:34

to you?

24:36

I grew up here. My parents still

24:39

live here and I have built strong

24:41

relationships here. It

24:44

feels like home and

24:46

leaving it behind feels like abandoning

24:49

a part of myself. And Stephanie, I'm

24:51

sure you can understand that.

24:52

Sorry, his parents living

24:54

here is not the selling point he thinks

24:56

it is. She just doesn't understand that because

24:59

she doesn't get along with her

25:00

parents. Or your parents, but who's counting.

25:02

Okay,

25:03

we're not gonna get anywhere by disqualifying each

25:05

other's feelings. You're

25:07

right. I'm

25:08

sorry. This is good, though.

25:10

I feel like we're moving in the right direction. Now,

25:13

we need to try and look for some common grounds, okay?

25:16

Yikes!

25:21

Glad we're not those two. I don't know who they

25:24

are, but they sound like a mess. Oh,

25:26

really? A cadaver? Well, that's a new

25:28

one. There's no room to

25:30

bring to a deal. Oh, I'm sorry. Which

25:32

one of us isn't breathing? I thought I was the cadaver.

25:35

That was

25:35

a good one. Everything

25:38

has to be a certain way. From

25:40

the laundry to the lives of our

25:42

kids. Well, I'm sorry that

25:44

I don't want to spend our lives like it's unstructured

25:47

me time at some sort of Dutch

25:49

primary school. What? What does that

25:52

mean? I have done everything I can to

25:54

make us all life here. Nothing makes you happy.

25:56

Who could be happy here, Peter?

25:58

Who in their right... I'm happy

26:01

here. Oh, got

26:03

him. So we've raised our children

26:05

in a town that you think is full of idiots.

26:08

Yes, it's perfect

26:09

for them because they're idiots

26:11

too. Hahahaha. Kids

26:14

are dumb.

26:15

Did my moms talk about me this way?

26:17

I sure hope so. How come

26:18

they're not noticing each other or noticing a

26:20

huge diner in the parking

26:21

lot? Yeah, the mind does some pretty crazy things

26:24

to keep operating. I imagine

26:26

they're tuning out a lot right now.

26:28

They should tune each other out. They sound

26:30

like they're about to kill each other. Let's get in there. Okay.

26:33

Hey there. Excuse me, can I help

26:35

you? Sorry, we were next door. We

26:37

were next door and we

26:40

couldn't help but hear this shouting. Yeah,

26:42

everything okay over here? Does

26:44

it sound like it's okay? It sounds hilarious.

26:47

It sounds like you're having some trouble.

26:48

We're fine, alright, we just need

26:50

some privacy. Hey,

26:52

when I'm having troubles,

26:54

sometimes I like to have a cup of coffee. A what? A

26:57

nice cup of coffee. Nothing makes

27:00

a wrong situation right

27:02

like a cup of coffee. You know what I mean?

27:03

Are you doing a sinka ad? Maybe. You

27:06

should head over to that diner over there

27:08

and have a cup of coffee.

27:11

Diner? You're wasting your

27:13

time. This man has no vices.

27:16

He's like a Mormon without the magic underwear.

27:18

Do you see what I have to put up with? Look,

27:20

it looks like a lot. I'm getting obliterated

27:22

by your wife is a full-time job. But

27:25

every marriage

27:26

has its challenges, right? Yeah,

27:28

think how challenging it is for her to come

27:30

up with sick burns all the time.

27:33

What I'm saying is, look,

27:35

you obviously care about each other very much and

27:38

it's confusing because she has

27:41

an odd way of showing

27:43

affection.

27:44

I mean, you both do. You're both

27:47

attacking each other.

27:47

She's just better at it and I'm sure

27:50

that's rough for you.

27:51

Are we helping? Are you having a little comedy

27:53

festival over there? It's difficult

27:55

when this happens. I feel like I'm trying

27:58

to talk about the issue and she's just...

27:59

trying to win some sort of contest. Well,

28:02

I don't know if that's entirely fair, Pete, but

28:04

I hear what you're saying.

28:06

I mean, it's tough.

28:07

You obviously

28:08

care about her very much, but also

28:11

she appears to be covered in

28:13

tiny poisonous barks.

28:15

Excuse me? Speaking metaphorically.

28:18

Metaphorical poisonous barks.

28:20

That's not much better. And you

28:22

get it,

28:23

right?

28:23

Some people cover themselves with

28:26

a spiky personality to keep the

28:28

shitheads away, but the spikes do

28:30

not retract. That's not how tiny

28:32

poisonous barbs work. They're always there,

28:35

which puts you in the position to

28:36

just keep getting stung and develop

28:39

an immunity to the poison spikes.

28:41

Can we get away from the poison

28:43

spikes analogy? Because

28:44

you know you can't help yourself. You

28:46

can't help, but reach out to her. You

28:48

feel compelled to call that whatever

28:51

you like. You come to get

28:53

used to the fact that getting close

28:55

to her involves a certain amount of injury

28:58

to yourself.

28:58

Uh-huh. And Stephanie, you're

29:01

over there saying, really?

29:03

Him?

29:06

This

29:07

is the guy?

29:09

Because you had already imagined the guy who

29:11

would keep coming back, and you imagined

29:13

he would be, I don't know, better. You've

29:16

created this person in your mind,

29:18

and they're this great combination

29:20

of the genius of Marie Curie

29:23

and the unbridled hotness

29:25

of Michael Faraday. What? Who?

29:28

But he does keep coming

29:30

back. And you admire

29:32

that a little, and then you also hate him

29:34

because you admire it. And then

29:37

there's this other terrible

29:39

moment when you realize that, you

29:41

know,

29:41

it's nice to be wanted, and

29:43

you also hate that.

29:46

Which makes you even more mad. And it's made

29:48

even worse by the fact that he sucks,

29:51

and he has fucked up so many times,

29:54

especially that one time.

29:56

You know the time I'm talking about. I don't.

29:58

And you've apologized.

29:59

You've apologized, Pete. You really have. You've

30:02

tried to make up for that one

30:04

time when you fucked up really bad,

30:06

but, you know...

30:09

That doesn't matter, because apologizing doesn't

30:11

mean that your apology has been accepted. It

30:14

doesn't mean that she's under any obligation

30:17

to accept your apology. All you can really

30:19

do is apologize and

30:21

hope for the best and try to do better,

30:23

right? That's how you feel. I'm not sure.

30:26

You spend a lot

30:28

of time studying the universe, Stephanie.

30:31

I don't. And in your

30:33

studies, you have come to terms

30:35

with chaos. You can't control

30:38

what the universe brings you. You're

30:40

an island. All you have

30:42

at your disposal are the trees and

30:45

tiny creatures that live on your island and

30:48

whatever the ocean washes up on your shore.

30:51

What washes up on the shore is mostly

30:53

garbage, but sometimes it's

30:55

useful, and sometimes it's something

30:58

you didn't know you needed. And I'm

31:00

not sure if I need this.

31:02

Are you sure you're talking about us? We're

31:04

absolutely talking about you. Definitely.

31:07

Okay. Um...

31:10

You said there was coffee across the way?

31:13

Yes!

31:14

Go have some! It's great. Coffee.

31:17

Maybe they'll be gone when we get back?

31:18

Good idea.

31:20

Okay, well, nice

31:22

to meet you. You too.

31:27

I feel like we

31:29

nailed it.

31:30

God, it must be so hard

31:32

to be disconnected from reality

31:34

like that.

31:35

Tell me about it. It looks terrible.

31:38

I have tried everything at this point. Yes.

31:41

Everything except one thing. Are

31:43

you giving up yet? I

31:44

don't appreciate how callous you're being about this. I'm at my

31:46

wits' end, Pete. What is this

31:49

now? Yes. Hey there.

31:51

Can I help you? Sorry to disturb

31:54

you. I'm, uh... I'm

31:56

with the motel staff, and we've

31:59

been getting some... complaints about

32:02

the noise.

32:03

You're with the motel staff. Yes. I'm

32:06

the owner of this motel. I'm

32:08

sorry? I own this place.

32:11

You do? Yes. Huh.

32:14

Okay. Well, I just

32:18

started. The manager must not have

32:20

told me. I am also the manager of

32:22

this motel.

32:23

Huh. What is happening?

32:25

I was next door and I was hearing

32:27

a lot of yelling and I thought I would say

32:29

something before somebody complained. Complained?

32:31

Yeah. Complained to who? The

32:36

manager. Which is who

32:38

again? You. I'm trying to have a conversation

32:40

with my wife. Okay. Well, manager

32:43

or not, that's not a conversation.

32:46

That's a shouting match. Oh honey, the

32:49

conversation police are here.

32:50

I'll hide the contraband.

32:51

I'm not trying to be the

32:53

cops. I'm just trying to be a neighbor.

32:56

Well, howdy neighbor. How about I

32:58

head over to your room and tell you how you should be living

33:00

your life? Come on, man.

33:02

I'm just letting you know what it sounds like

33:05

from my perspective. Thanks for letting us

33:07

know. The opinion of some random

33:09

guy next door really means a lot

33:11

to us. For fuck's

33:12

sake. Are you going door to door or?

33:15

How do we rank compared to the other room?

33:17

You'd be surprised how similar

33:18

it is. Okay. Well, thanks

33:20

for stopping by. This was

33:23

fun. Closing the door now. Wait a minute. Wait. Hey,

33:25

hey. Do you guys want to

33:27

grab a cup of coffee? Do

33:29

we what? A cup of coffee? Who are

33:32

you? I'm life.

33:33

I'm your neighbor. I'm trying

33:35

to be

33:36

neighborly. We just move into

33:38

a 1950s housing project. Are

33:41

you gonna bring us the castle?

33:42

Jesus Christ, this sucks. It does

33:44

suck. Maybe consider that next time you decide

33:46

to knock on a stranger's door and elbow your

33:49

way into their life.

33:49

Nobody's named life anymore. Were

33:52

your parents Scandinavian cheese maker?

33:54

This is your last chance.

33:56

Do you want a cup of coffee? Well,

33:58

fuck honey. It's our last chance. for a cup of coffee.

34:01

Forever? There's no more

34:03

coffee after this? Apparently. Okay,

34:05

fine.

34:06

You both suck. Uh, could you hold this

34:08

for me please? What is it?

34:23

Welcome back to Not Too Late.

34:26

I'm Dr. Barbara. Frank? It

34:29

is summer time out there. It's

34:31

really heating up. Do you have

34:33

any tips for feeding the heat? What's

34:35

your

34:35

secret weapon? You know, this

34:38

time of year, I like to make

34:40

sun tea. Ooh, that sounds

34:42

nice. I make a nice

34:45

picture of sun tea all

34:47

morning, and then it keeps

34:50

us all nice and cool for the rest

34:52

of the day. I love it, Frank. I love

34:54

it so much. Well, how about

34:56

you?

34:56

Well, you know, I

34:58

don't do

34:59

air conditioning. Oh, that's right. Because

35:02

of your pores. Because of what it does to my pores.

35:05

So what I

35:07

like

35:07

to do is, early in the morning, after

35:09

I do my Ashtanga Vinyasa,

35:11

I open up all the doors

35:14

and windows in my house, and I let

35:16

the morning air in,

35:20

and I release.

35:22

I release all that stale

35:25

air that I've been breathing all

35:27

night. It's wonderful.

35:28

I breathe in the air, and I can smell

35:31

the mesquite groves all around the

35:33

house. It's really a gift. It sounds nice,

35:35

Doc. Ah, speaking of the heat, let's

35:37

not keep people heating up by the phone. Let's get to

35:40

it. All right. Now, I had Pete

35:42

and Stephanie on the line with marital

35:44

troubles, but we got disconnected. Let

35:46

me see if I can get them back. Let's track them down.

35:53

Yes,

35:53

hello? Pete, how are you? You're

35:55

on with Dr. Barbara.

35:55

I'm what? Pete,

36:01

I hear that you and your wife are going through

36:03

a bit of a time right now. Is that safe to

36:05

say?

36:07

What? Who is this? You know, Pete,

36:09

there's nothing more complicated than a marriage.

36:12

Nothing in the world. You

36:15

can talk to me about the human nervous system

36:17

or weather patterns or particle

36:19

physics, but no.

36:22

It's two people

36:23

trying to make a lifelong commitment to

36:25

each other. That's the

36:26

final frontier, if you ask me. I

36:28

don't believe I am asking you. Pete, I'm

36:31

going to perform a little test.

36:33

I'm going to ask you what the root problem

36:36

is with your marriage and you're going to try and answer.

36:38

Are you ready? Who are you talking to? I

36:40

don't know. Apparently I'm on the radio.

36:42

Why? How would I know? Is that your

36:45

wife, Pete?

36:46

She can help with the test if you like.

36:47

What test?

36:49

What is she talking about? Well, she's asking

36:51

me what

36:51

the root problem is with our marriage. Well,

36:55

that's some fun serendipity, isn't it? What'd you say?

36:57

I don't know.

36:58

What'd you say? I haven't said anything yet. I

37:01

just picked up the phone. What's your

37:02

answer? I'm not going to answer a question. No. Go

37:05

ahead. I'd like to hear this. What's

37:07

her name?

37:08

It's Dr. Barbara Stephanie. Dr.

37:10

Barbara. Perfect. Come on, Pete.

37:12

Let it rip. I will not let

37:15

it rip. Stephanie,

37:17

would you like to go first? Absolutely

37:19

not.

37:20

I want to hear this. Ugh.

37:25

Restlessness. I'm sorry?

37:28

Well, then... You heard me. Did

37:30

you hear what he said, Frank? Yeah, I heard

37:32

him.

37:33

He said, Restlessness.

37:36

That's so interesting,

37:39

isn't it, Frank? I know I'm

37:41

interested. Tell us more about that

37:43

word you chose, Pete. Restlessness.

37:47

We have a good life here. It may be

37:49

a small life. It may

37:52

be in a small town on the

37:54

side of a large mountain, but it's a good life. Good

37:58

lives.

37:59

are hard to come by, and I think we

38:02

should be grateful for the one we have, rather

38:04

than

38:05

leaving it, because we think another

38:07

one might be better.

38:10

And, Stephanie,

38:12

do you have anything to say to that?

38:14

I think a good life is subjective.

38:17

I think what's good for one person is not

38:19

necessarily good for another. He's

38:22

talking about it like this objective

38:24

truth that I just don't understand.

38:26

Okay.

38:27

Do you see what I mean about the complexity,

38:30

Frank? I've got a headache just thinking

38:32

about it. Every

38:33

human being

38:35

is a story, kids. Frank,

38:38

do you remember our first show together? I

38:41

sure do, Doc. You stopped

38:43

the whole show and said, Frank,

38:46

what's your story? That's right. Somehow

38:49

it ended with me giving the audience

38:51

my chili recipe.

38:52

I remember that chili. So

38:55

spicy. What's happening?

38:58

They're talking about chili now. Kids,

39:01

I think the most important thing to remember right

39:03

now is that all of this fighting

39:05

is good.

39:07

Conflict is just a relationship trying

39:09

to grow, and the longer you

39:11

talk, the greater the chance of the other

39:14

person making sense. Everybody

39:17

makes sense if you listen

39:19

long enough.

39:21

We can't seem to do that without it

39:23

turning into a shouting match.

39:24

I see.

39:26

Frank,

39:27

what do I have to say about that? Time to take it

39:30

on the road. That's right, Frank. Take

39:33

this conversation to a public

39:35

place. Maybe go have a cup of

39:37

coffee. It'll be harder to scream

39:40

at each other if you're worried about your

39:42

server calling

39:42

the police. That's actually not a

39:44

bad idea. It's completely unsolicited

39:46

advice, but

39:48

it's not a bad advice. Good. I'm

39:51

excited, you two. I'm

39:53

excited what this next phase will

39:55

bring, and I

39:56

know Frank's excited, too. I'm

39:59

excited.

39:59

Good luck, kids! Frank,

40:02

we're on a roll. Let's take another

40:04

call.

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Okay,

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head on inside, you two. We'll get you some

43:24

coffee, okay? Lief! What? What

43:26

the fuck? What?

43:28

They're unconscious!

43:31

I had to give them the secret handshake. Goddammit,

43:33

the what? It's an old trick. 99 times

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43:44

the secret handshake. Lief,

43:47

Ava told us we have to convince

43:50

them to come in. Well, sorry.

43:53

I tried to get in there, and

43:55

they both reminded me too much of my dad.

43:59

The secret handshake was-

43:59

was my only hope. You can

44:01

make a force field around the diner, but

44:03

you can't sit through a marital

44:05

dispute.

44:05

Yeah, yeah, oh, the irony.

44:08

I got them, didn't I?

44:10

Don't tell Ava. Don't tell

44:12

Ava what, Leif? Goddamn! Leif,

44:15

what the fuck, man? That's

44:15

cheating. Leif, what on God's green earth are you

44:17

doing? Perhaps he's sung them to

44:20

sleep. I don't understand! Why

44:22

can't we just drag them in here?

44:24

I don't need to explain my instructions

44:27

to you. Leif,

44:27

you can't just treat people like cargo, you're now southwest

44:29

airline- Whatever! They're in the parking

44:32

lot, that's good enough!

44:33

Is it so? We

44:35

managed to round ours up without even

44:38

going in the room, didn't we,

44:40

dear? I'm calling it a personal

44:42

best myself. Far and

44:45

above, Mr. Drop-em-off in the parking

44:47

lot over here.

44:47

How did Tarek do? Tarek

44:48

was the first one in. That

44:51

guy's a machine. Well, look at that.

44:54

First

44:54

day at the diner and he's already

44:56

pulling his weight. How does that feel,

44:58

Leif?

44:59

So we're just forgetting when

45:01

I saved our asses a couple

45:03

of days ago. You know what Janet Jackson

45:05

would say? What have you done for me

45:07

lately?

45:08

You're all

45:09

terribly ungrateful.

45:12

And I regret saving any

45:14

of you. Are you talking to us or you're a baseball card collection?

45:16

Is that everybody? No.

45:18

Frank and June are still waiting outside the

45:20

room. I'm going to give them a hand.

45:21

I'm gonna go coffee the anomalies. Hey,

45:27

June. How are you doing? Hey.

45:30

Frank, how are we doing? I don't even know how

45:32

to answer that question.

45:39

Yeah. Just to

45:41

give you an update, it's going well.

45:44

We've got everyone in the diner except

45:46

for yours. Ours? Yeah.

45:49

It's my Uncle Pete and Aunt Stephanie and his

45:52

mom and dad. They're kind of all

45:54

ours. I

45:54

hear you. I can't go in that room.

45:58

I can't do any of this.

45:59

What are we even doing? I know,

46:01

but trust me, this is

46:04

going to work. What's going to work?

46:06

We're

46:07

just trying to make things like they

46:09

were. You're

46:10

asking me to go in there and

46:13

talk to someone who...

46:14

Who died.

46:15

I know. I mean, the weirdest thing

46:17

that's ever happened to us is when we saw a UFO

46:20

one time. So this is a few notches

46:22

up for us. I see. And that was just the yellow

46:24

triangle, hovering over

46:26

the town for a few minutes. I don't even know what it

46:28

was.

46:28

It's a Farian mapping drone. You

46:30

see them all the time. Lace.

46:32

Sorry. Look,

46:35

I've been exactly

46:37

where

46:37

you are right now.

46:41

I was down on my luck in Phoenix, and then I stepped

46:43

through those doors over there.

46:46

And that was that.

46:48

Here I am now. I've

46:51

stood in that parking lot and stared down

46:53

a black hole. I met

46:55

space pirates. I

46:58

went back to the end of the

47:01

ice age.

47:02

I think what kept my

47:04

brain from breaking is,

47:07

what's the real thing?

47:10

What's the real thing that's happening?

47:13

There's a lot going on right now. The

47:16

diners appeared in your parking lot, but what's

47:18

the real

47:19

thing?

47:22

Maybe the real thing is you

47:25

going in there and saying some things

47:28

to your dad that you didn't get to

47:30

say. I don't

47:32

think that's my dad in there. And

47:34

that's fine too, Frank.

47:38

Because it's not actually about

47:40

him.

47:42

This is for you.

47:44

Give it a shot. Fucking

47:47

Frank. Let's get in there. Fine.

47:49

OK. We've been through the

47:52

options a million times. Charleston,

47:54

Boston, Madison, Santa Fe, Austin,

47:57

two times.

47:57

You're just listing the names of cities

47:59

now.

48:00

This isn't helpful

48:01

right none of this has been helped. Okay.

48:03

Can you two just stop

48:05

please? Who

48:06

are you please

48:08

come on in don't

48:09

bother? We

48:11

can

48:11

hear you arguing across the parking

48:13

lot Which

48:14

isn't an invitation

48:16

for you to come on in give us some privacy, please

48:18

whoever you are I came in here to say that

48:20

this is ridiculous and both

48:22

of you need to just knock it off Okay,

48:25

none of your business you two

48:27

do this all the time. Why?

48:30

What are you doing? Do you even know

48:32

what you're doing again trying

48:34

to have a private conversation? It's not working

48:37

I I stay here

48:40

at this motel a lot

48:43

and you two Always show

48:45

up go into a room and scream

48:47

at each other for hours

48:50

Just stop it. I think how

48:52

we choose to spend our time is none of your business.

48:54

You're stuck with each other. Okay? You

48:59

Come here and you argue all

49:01

night long about the same thing Moving

49:04

out of town

49:04

or not, but it's

49:06

not about that. Is it it never was It's

49:11

about getting a divorce That's not

49:13

true. Yes. It is you guys. How do you know because

49:16

everybody knows we

49:17

Live here in town.

49:19

Everybody knows especially your

49:22

kids

49:23

Especially your

49:24

kids did the two of you know that there's

49:26

a running bet down at the sheep's

49:29

eye The

49:30

Pete and Stephanie divorce pool like that.

49:32

That's the official name There's

49:34

an envelope

49:36

in the cash register. This has sturgis's

49:38

divorce on it minimum. Bet is $20

49:42

They've been collecting for years who keeps

49:44

joking about it last last The

49:47

last yolks

49:48

keep saying she's gonna retire as soon as

49:50

her sturgis's divorce make and they

49:53

She's in deep actually we're a little worried about

49:56

her. Is this true? Yes

49:57

It's true

49:59

and it's

51:52

they

52:00

got fined a million dollars. What's it like

52:02

to be married to the Rosa Parks of line

52:04

caught salmon, Pete? Ha ha ha ha ha ha

52:06

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

52:08

ha. Everybody laugh at the fish, Steve.

52:11

Fine. What's

52:12

the point you're trying to make? The

52:14

point is you two didn't

52:17

fight

52:17

about that. He had to bail

52:19

you out of jail

52:20

for the most ridiculous crime

52:22

in the history of the state of Oregon, and

52:25

you didn't fight about

52:28

it. Of course we didn't, she was right. I was right.

52:30

See?

52:31

And do you think that's

52:33

a typical response? It's not.

52:36

You are the only person who would steal

52:38

fish from a grocery store as some

52:40

sort of ridiculous social protest,

52:43

and he is the only

52:45

guy who wouldn't get mad

52:48

about it. Okay, let's do Pete

52:50

now. Pete. Pete,

52:53

Pete, Pete.

52:56

We should probably talk about...

53:00

Bootles.

53:01

Oh my God, I forgot

53:03

about Bootles. You adopted a

53:05

dog named Bootles,

53:07

didn't you Pete?

53:09

Yes, I adopted

53:12

a dog named...

53:14

Bootles. Big fan

53:16

of dogs, Pete?

53:20

I've never really been a

53:22

pet person. Stephanie,

53:24

how do you feel about dogs? I'm

53:26

not really a fan. And

53:27

yet Pete came home with

53:30

a dog. Yes. What gives,

53:32

Pete?

53:34

He was going

53:36

to be euthanized. He had stayed at the shelter

53:38

too long.

53:39

I see.

53:41

It's very noble. Can

53:43

you think of any reason why

53:46

Bootles had been at the shelter too long?

53:49

Well, there was a

53:52

smell.

53:54

There

53:57

was a smell.

53:59

Smell saying that

54:02

dog had a smell is like saying the Beatles

54:04

were fairly well known you gave

54:06

him a bath Five times

54:08

I did it did it work. It did

54:10

not know Boodles

54:13

was a very old dog, but

54:16

he did hang in there for three

54:18

years Didn't he all

54:21

the while? Stink him up the

54:23

whole house.

54:24

It was the kind of smell

54:26

that felt like a punishment

54:29

from

54:29

God or a Fairy's

54:32

curse or something it was it

54:35

was not a natural

54:36

smell. It was bad It was is

54:39

bad You had to keep the windows in

54:41

the house open in the winter

54:43

time not all of the windows

54:44

It was a tough time in the

54:46

house

54:47

it was and through it all you

54:50

never argued about the

54:52

dog

54:56

No,

54:57

no In

55:00

conclusion the point I'm trying

55:02

to make here is

55:07

Can you knock it off

55:10

Please can you stop it with

55:12

the arguing all the time? All

55:15

you're doing is playing around with the idea

55:17

that you're going to break up But

55:20

you're never going to

55:23

Because you both drive each other crazy,

55:26

but on the important stuff on the Salmon

55:28

stealing and the stinky old

55:31

dog stuff. That's the stuff

55:33

you couldn't find somewhere else

55:36

so

55:38

Stop it what

55:41

we should probably also

55:43

say is

55:45

People really love you guys They

55:48

love to gossip about you, but

55:50

I don't think they would know what to do without

55:52

you guys

55:54

Go home

55:56

You don't have to do this anymore.

55:58

Go home

56:01

Your kids already know you're here fighting.

56:04

Go fight in front of them.

56:07

They already know you're not breaking up.

56:10

And they might appreciate the

56:12

honesty. You talk to your parents

56:14

this way?

56:16

No.

56:20

But I should have.

56:23

Go home. I mean, they're

56:25

all over. No, I don't. Go home.

56:27

Do not

56:29

go home. Go

56:32

over there and

56:34

have a cup of coffee at that

56:36

diner. At the what? Don't worry about

56:38

it. Here we go.

56:47

Not a bad spot to hide? What are you doing

56:49

here?

56:51

How did they find you?

56:53

I'm not sure how they found

56:56

me. I'm not sure they know

56:58

either. Why are you talking

57:00

like that? They found me after I'd

57:02

left Jerusalem.

57:03

That doesn't make any sense. What

57:07

did I do to you?

57:09

I don't think we should talk about that

57:11

right now. Tarek? They

57:17

found me after I left Jerusalem. About 700

57:22

years after I left Jerusalem. Their

57:26

theory is that

57:28

morning when we were in bed, I told

57:30

you about the elixir of life. And

57:34

that's what did it. Time stopped

57:37

for me, Clementine. Oh, God. There

57:40

was a better way to tell you that, and I'm not sure. You've

57:43

been here the whole time? Yes. You've

57:45

been watching me destroy the world the

57:47

whole time? I didn't know it was

57:49

you, but yes. Okay,

57:52

that's the last of them. Let's bag them

57:53

and tag them. Don't say

57:55

bag them and tag them. They picked

57:58

you up because they thought you could convince me to stay here.

57:59

They picked me up because they thought

58:02

you were about to wave the white flag and would

58:04

like to see a friendly face. Tarek,

58:07

do you understand how seeing your face right

58:09

now has only made it a thousand times worse?

58:11

The thought crossed my mind. I destroyed

58:13

my planet, Tarek. Our planet.

58:16

I know. Tarek, I didn't mean

58:19

it. I didn't mean to.

58:20

I know that too. And now you have

58:22

to be here to see it. You have to

58:23

see what I turned into.

58:26

Do you think I wanted you to see me turn

58:28

into a monster? Why would I want that? Clementine,

58:31

calm down. I didn't mean it. Tarek,

58:35

I'm so sorry. I just saw everything

58:37

I heard. Clementine. I'm

58:41

going to be

58:43

okay. I'm not going to be

58:46

okay. Oh,

58:51

God.

58:51

Oh, shit. Ava?

58:56

Oh, fuck. What's happening?

58:59

How many are

58:59

there? I counted at least 20. They're backed up all the way

59:02

to the main highway, though. Ava,

59:03

I don't think I've got to tell you.

59:06

I have a bad feeling about this. It's

59:08

as though a dam has broken, but

59:10

it's spewed out automobiles instead of water.

59:13

I thought you were going to fix this. This is not

59:15

what fixed looks like. Casper,

59:18

go down to the entrance from the highway and

59:20

see how many cars are there. Okay. It's

59:22

an appreciating anomaly. Oh, fuck.

59:24

What

59:25

does that mean? It's replicating itself, like

59:27

a virus. How fast is it replicating? The

59:30

entire highway is jammed with the same

59:32

car. It stretches all the way around

59:34

the

59:34

mountain. That was fast. We can't get all of them in

59:36

the diner. No, we can't.

59:39

What the hell happened?

59:41

Where is she? Clementine?

59:43

We're up here. What happened?

59:45

She got upset, and then all of a sudden we're

59:47

standing in a car delicious. Shit,

59:48

that's the opposite of what we

59:50

wanted to do, Tarek.

59:52

We should get Clementine in here. Eventually

59:54

the diner will sapper powers. That's a good

59:56

idea.

59:56

No, it's not. Why? We

59:59

may be able to... her but that

1:00:01

won't fix the anomaly. Won't

1:00:03

it just go away? No, it'll continue.

1:00:05

For how long? Indefinitely. Pete

1:00:09

and Stephanie and their shitty car

1:00:11

is going to keep replicating itself over

1:00:13

and over again. The cars will

1:00:15

eventually fill up the entire freeway, then

1:00:18

the entire state, then the country,

1:00:21

then the world. Gloria,

1:00:24

given a long enough timeline, this

1:00:26

entire universe we're in will

1:00:28

be filled with copy after copy

1:00:31

of Pete and Stephanie's Hyundai Sonata.

1:00:33

That's impossible. Not

1:00:34

anymore. Well, what the fuck are

1:00:37

we supposed to do? My

1:00:38

friends, I fear all

1:00:40

that's left to do is to solve the

1:00:42

problem at its source.

1:00:44

I just said that's not going

1:00:46

to work. Perhaps

1:00:46

the problem is not

1:00:49

for us to fix, Ava,

1:00:51

but for somebody to start cleaning

1:00:54

up their own messes.

1:00:59

Okay.

1:01:00

Okay, I have an idea. Great,

1:01:03

it's an idea.

1:01:04

That will either work perfectly or erase

1:01:07

all

1:01:09

of existence, including us.

1:01:12

Fantastic. There's not a third option. Nothing.

1:01:15

Carrie? Okay. Is she up there?

1:01:17

Yeah. Keep her there. I'm coming to you.

1:01:20

What are you going to do? The way I see

1:01:22

it,

1:01:23

Clementine is like heavy

1:01:25

artillery. She just

1:01:27

needs someone who knows how to aim her.

1:01:30

Casper, if

1:01:33

I don't come back,

1:01:35

just remember,

1:01:38

I hate you.

1:01:40

I know.

1:01:44

All of existence, huh? I

1:01:46

mean, really, were we doing that great of a job

1:01:48

with existence anyway? An old shake of the Etch-a-Sketch

1:01:51

never hurt anybody. Do

1:01:52

we get to pick what we come back

1:01:54

as? If so, it's 16th century

1:01:56

boat right for me. Stop it, tear. Most of family

1:01:59

feud.

1:01:59

Let's be vendors. Wine

1:02:02

makers? I want to get in one of those barrels

1:02:05

with my bare feet and smash creaks. Well

1:02:07

that's very fancy. I

1:02:09

could grow a mustache. No.

1:02:12

Oh.

1:02:18

Time

1:02:21

is a substance I'm hated. Time is a living that speaks

1:02:23

me wrong, but I am here with a... ...a digitizer that destroys

1:02:26

me, but I am the tiger I'd ever fire, which consumes

1:02:28

me, but I... ...have to fire a tiny substance

1:02:31

I'm hated.

1:02:32

How is she doing?

1:02:33

She's repeating this over and over

1:02:35

again. Tarek?

1:02:38

I'm getting the sense that

1:02:40

seeing you again was not

1:02:42

the instant solution we were hoping it would

1:02:44

be.

1:02:45

I probably could have told you that.

1:02:47

What's happening down there?

1:02:49

The universe is filling up with cars.

1:02:51

Cars?

1:02:54

And to make it worse, it's all

1:02:56

Hyundai Sonatas. Not

1:02:58

even a cool car. The entire universe?

1:02:59

I know. Here

1:03:02

you

1:03:02

were thinking, I'm 700 years old, I've seen

1:03:04

it all. Guess

1:03:07

what?

1:03:07

Can you do something to fix this, please? Yes.

1:03:11

Although what I do may

1:03:14

actually obliterate us all, so,

1:03:17

you know, apologies

1:03:18

in advance.

1:03:20

What? Clementine?

1:03:24

Hey! Clementine!

1:03:25

Clementine!

1:03:28

Hey, don't yell at me. Something

1:03:30

bad might happen. It might happen? Seriously? Please

1:03:34

make it stop. Okay. Clementine?

1:03:39

I have to say, I have enjoyed our time

1:03:41

together a little bit. I like

1:03:43

breaking things, and you are really

1:03:46

good at breaking things. But

1:03:48

you're starting to really fuck with the universes,

1:03:50

lady. And that's a problem. Because

1:03:53

these aren't your universes,

1:03:56

Clementine. They're mine.

1:03:59

These are my universes

1:04:02

and you are fucking them up and I don't

1:04:04

like it when people

1:04:05

mess with my shits. Make it stop!

1:04:08

Okay?

1:04:10

Okay, try and stay calm. This

1:04:13

is gonna get weird. Just

1:04:18

close your eyes and

1:04:20

don't open them until I tell you

1:04:22

to, okay?

1:04:23

Okay.

1:04:32

Imagine there is a piece of paper

1:04:35

in front of you and

1:04:37

let's make it a really nice piece of paper.

1:04:40

I'm talking Japanese

1:04:43

calligraphy level quality. The

1:04:46

kind of paper that's so beautiful you almost

1:04:48

don't want to write on it. One

1:04:51

person spent hours

1:04:53

mulching wood and drying it on a

1:04:55

screen so that you could be presented

1:04:59

with this beautiful blank sheet.

1:05:02

Do you see it?

1:05:06

Yes. Now, everything

1:05:10

else is going to fade away.

1:05:14

Every sound you hear is going

1:05:16

to fade into the background

1:05:19

until it's completely gone.

1:05:47

Where did everything go?

1:05:49

Don't open your eyes.

1:05:50

Where is it?

1:05:57

The only thing that exists now

1:06:00

is you and me

1:06:02

and

1:06:03

a sheet of paper in front

1:06:06

of you.

1:06:09

Why is it all gone? Because

1:06:12

we're starting from scratch.

1:06:16

You have an ink brush in your hand.

1:06:19

Do you see it?

1:06:22

Yes. It's

1:06:24

wet with ink.

1:06:26

Just reach out with the brush and

1:06:29

make one single dot on

1:06:31

the paper.

1:06:34

Do you see the dot on the paper?

1:06:37

Yes. That

1:06:40

dot is a universe

1:06:44

at its very beginning,

1:06:47

unformed. Everything

1:06:52

that could ever be is in

1:06:54

that one dot. Do

1:06:57

you see it? Yes.

1:07:03

Reach out to the piece of paper and

1:07:06

with your thumb I

1:07:08

want you to smudge the ink. Smear

1:07:11

it across the page.

1:07:13

Okay. Did

1:07:17

you smear the ink across the page? Yes.

1:07:21

Good.

1:07:22

Your universe now has two dimensions.

1:07:26

Can you feel it growing?

1:07:28

Yes.

1:07:31

We don't need the paper anymore, do

1:07:33

we?

1:07:35

No. I

1:07:40

want you to imagine the paper disappearing,

1:07:44

but when it disappears the ink

1:07:46

spot stays.

1:07:48

That trail of ink you made on the paper,

1:07:51

your universe, is now

1:07:54

floating in front of you. Do

1:07:56

you see it? I

1:07:59

see it.

1:08:01

Now,

1:08:02

with each hand, just your first

1:08:05

finger and thumb, I want

1:08:07

you to pull the ink spot apart like

1:08:09

it's silly putty.

1:08:11

Just keep pulling and expanding

1:08:14

it until it's the size of an egg. Okay?

1:08:19

Do you see it?

1:08:21

Yes. Yes. Yes.

1:08:24

Yes. Yes. Yes.

1:08:27

Yes. Yes.

1:08:31

There's so much inside it. I

1:08:35

know. It's beautiful. I know.

1:08:37

But we're not done.

1:08:39

A

1:08:45

new universe

1:08:47

floats in front of you like a cluster

1:08:49

of cottonwood seeds.

1:08:52

Just reach out with both hands

1:08:55

and cradle it in your palms. Everything

1:09:00

that exists is in your hands.

1:09:05

Now,

1:09:07

very gently move

1:09:10

the universe from the left side of

1:09:12

your vision to your right and

1:09:16

then slowly bring it back again.

1:09:18

Did

1:09:20

you do it?

1:09:21

Yes.

1:09:24

You just created time.

1:09:28

How does it feel?

1:09:33

I love it so much.

1:09:34

You

1:09:37

created

1:09:37

it. Of course you do. But

1:09:41

now you've given it four dimensions, which

1:09:44

means it can grow by itself.

1:09:48

Is it getting bigger?

1:09:50

Yes. It's

1:09:52

the size of a baseball,

1:09:55

then a beach ball, then

1:09:58

a globe. A mountain,

1:10:00

a planet, a season,

1:10:03

a galaxy.

1:10:12

And then it's the size

1:10:16

of everything. We

1:10:19

are now inside it, floating

1:10:22

through it all. We

1:10:24

can go anywhere you want.

1:10:27

In the long arms of a particular

1:10:30

galaxy, you can see

1:10:32

a familiar

1:10:33

blue dot. You

1:10:37

float towards it, through

1:10:39

the clouds and down towards

1:10:41

a small town on

1:10:43

a mountainside. You

1:10:46

float down onto the

1:10:48

roof of a motel. Whoa.

1:11:00

All the cars are gone. Holy

1:11:02

shit, Ava. Open your

1:11:04

eyes.

1:11:08

What happened?

1:11:10

We started over. Kind

1:11:13

of. Are

1:11:15

they all gone down there? Yeah. Everyone. Well,

1:11:21

I guess I didn't obliterate us. What the hell just happened?

1:11:24

Okay, for real though, did Ava

1:11:26

just do magic?

1:11:28

Thank you. You're welcome, dummy.

1:11:32

What did you do? I

1:11:34

didn't do much of anything. I just

1:11:36

told you what to do. How did

1:11:39

you know what to do? Well, I'm really

1:11:41

smart, Clementine.

1:11:44

The more power you have, the more knowledge

1:11:47

you have to have. And the more

1:11:49

you can do, the more you need

1:11:51

to know what you should do. If

1:11:54

you don't, you get a universe

1:11:56

full of Hyundai Sonatas.

1:12:04

Is it over? Not yet.

1:12:07

The next part is the most

1:12:10

important part.

1:12:13

You and Tarek are

1:12:15

going to go down to the diner, sit at

1:12:18

a booth, and

1:12:20

you're going to drink coffee and eat pancakes

1:12:23

until we've sucked all the terrible

1:12:25

bullshit out of you. It

1:12:27

could take a while. You are

1:12:29

full of a lot of bullshit.

1:12:34

What's that going to do to her?

1:12:35

Honestly, I'm not sure. It

1:12:37

doesn't matter. I'll do it, I have to.

1:12:41

Okay.

1:12:42

Let's get off this roof then.

1:12:46

You need to go down and apologize to

1:12:48

literally everyone.

1:12:51

Okay. Dear,

1:12:54

we have got to put some music on

1:12:56

because that was a whole

1:12:59

dang experience. A

1:13:03

great deal.

1:13:12

Anyway, you'll see these triangular yellow

1:13:14

drones from Tefirius sometimes. They

1:13:17

hover for a minute or so, grab some data,

1:13:19

and then they're gone. It's

1:13:22

no big deal. What kind of data are they grabbing? They

1:13:24

make maps. They're nuts about

1:13:26

maps. The whole planet. It's weird.

1:13:28

Hey, Lace. Do you mind if

1:13:30

I talk to Frank

1:13:31

and June for a second? No problem. Nice

1:13:34

to meet you too. Sure. Hey,

1:13:37

guys.

1:13:38

Hey, so

1:13:39

apparently Lace used

1:13:42

to be our face pirate. Yes.

1:13:45

Normal shit.

1:13:45

I mean, it is

1:13:47

the most normal thing we've heard today. It's

1:13:50

true.

1:13:50

The radio? I don't

1:13:52

think anyone actually knows the story

1:13:54

there. They're telling us that you were just trying

1:13:56

to get home. I was.

1:13:59

I could travel anywhere I wanted except back home. So

1:14:03

I kept changing things

1:14:05

in my past, hoping it would lead me back there. In

1:14:09

the process, I

1:14:12

caused all this. Now

1:14:15

I'll never get back there. And

1:14:17

your home was in the future? Not

1:14:20

your future,

1:14:21

another future of another

1:14:22

Earth. It's hard

1:14:24

to explain. No, I get it. You do? Yes.

1:14:29

Because I watched

1:14:31

Star Trek. Who's

1:14:33

laughing now? I'm so

1:14:36

sorry. No, I guess now I understand

1:14:39

why you were never honest with us. Yeah.

1:14:41

I mean, in a strange way,

1:14:43

I guess it all makes

1:14:46

sense now.

1:14:46

I mean, it doesn't make sense,

1:14:49

sense. Oh, no. But

1:14:51

it makes sense. Thank

1:14:52

you both for being so nice to me this whole

1:14:55

time. I really did like it here.

1:14:56

You know, Clementine, you may

1:14:59

not ever get home, but that

1:15:02

doesn't mean you'll never be home.

1:15:07

You heard my mom, she hated it here, but

1:15:10

she made us her home. Sometimes

1:15:14

home isn't a place. Hey there.

1:15:17

Mind if I butt in? I

1:15:20

need to debrief the motel people

1:15:22

before we go. Yeah, I need to

1:15:24

make a bunch of apologies anyway. Bye, Clementine.

1:15:27

So, hi. So

1:15:31

you're like the doctor

1:15:34

of the ship, right? Oh, it's not

1:15:36

a ship, but you're like the

1:15:38

smart person with the ideas.

1:15:41

Sure. See, Star

1:15:43

Trek again, I'm laughing. I wanted

1:15:46

to mention something before we go.

1:15:48

Well,

1:15:53

we

1:15:53

may have fixed things here, but there's

1:15:55

actually no such thing as a

1:15:58

fixed

1:15:59

thing.

1:15:59

What do you mean? Well, some

1:16:02

weird shit went down. We fixed

1:16:04

it,

1:16:05

but there may be some... residual

1:16:08

effects.

1:16:09

Residual effects?

1:16:11

Things may still be a little weird

1:16:13

around here. Things are always weird around here.

1:16:17

Right. This would be a new

1:16:19

category of weird.

1:16:21

And what exactly does

1:16:23

this new category of

1:16:26

weird look like?

1:16:27

Really no idea. Just

1:16:29

keep a lookout for

1:16:31

that. Okay? Okay.

1:16:34

Oh, and Frank.

1:16:36

Clementine told me that at one point she

1:16:40

disintegrated your body, and

1:16:43

then she reconstructed your body

1:16:46

from ambient molecules

1:16:48

in the atmosphere.

1:16:53

Yeah, sure. Right,

1:16:56

that's... I'm

1:16:58

sorry, she what now?

1:17:01

Reconstructed your body after

1:17:04

disintegrating it.

1:17:09

Yeah, uh-huh.

1:17:11

But you look like you're doing great, so

1:17:13

just

1:17:15

keep

1:17:17

a lookout for that as well.

1:17:19

Okay. Hi.

1:17:22

Hi.

1:17:26

Okay.

1:17:29

When I look at you, I literally feel

1:17:32

every human emotion, and it's overwhelming,

1:17:35

so I just

1:17:35

need to say something. Okay.

1:17:43

Actually, I think I already said the thing I needed

1:17:46

to say. It was the every human emotion thing, so

1:17:48

I put the cart before the horse. I

1:17:52

guess I'm trying to say... Clementine,

1:17:58

I'm going to stand here. this parking lot

1:18:00

until this place starts traveling through the

1:18:02

space-time continuum because it's really

1:18:06

an amazing thing to see. Then,

1:18:10

you and I are going to go inside

1:18:12

and

1:18:13

have pancakes. Okay?

1:18:16

Okay.

1:18:19

This parking lot was

1:18:22

full of cars, and

1:18:24

then you talked to Clementine, and

1:18:27

all the cars disappeared.

1:18:30

What kind of Criss Angel nonsense is that?

1:18:31

I've told you for years that

1:18:33

I'm a sorcerer, and

1:18:35

you don't listen to me.

1:18:38

But I shouldn't be surprised because

1:18:40

you never listen to me. I listen to you all the time.

1:18:43

It's not my fault that I only understand 30% of the things

1:18:45

you say. Okay. 30% is

1:18:47

generous. It's tricky with you physics

1:18:50

people because you have these cool names

1:18:52

for things that turn out to be super

1:18:54

boring, like Monstrous

1:18:57

Moonshine.

1:18:57

Uh, Monstrous Moonshine is

1:18:59

fascinating.

1:19:00

Does it involve either Monsters

1:19:02

or Moonshine? No, it does not. It's

1:19:05

a total misnomer, and I think the physics

1:19:07

community should watch itself.

1:19:09

Okay, stop for a second.

1:19:10

What?

1:19:12

I want to talk to you about something.

1:19:14

Okay.

1:19:16

I'm concerned with

1:19:19

some things you've been saying lately.

1:19:22

What things?

1:19:23

When? When you hear a deep freeze. Ava?

1:19:30

Ava, what's happening? That sound. What?

1:19:33

Do you hear that? Uh, maybe.

1:19:35

I think I hear something. Please? I

1:19:37

hear it. What is it?

1:19:39

It's Chuck. It's Chuck? Fourth dimensional being

1:19:41

Chuck. He has theme music now, like Foxy Brown. And

1:19:44

that time before that. Okay. Well,

1:19:46

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm

1:19:48

not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm

1:19:51

not sure. I'm not sure.

1:19:53

Okay. Well he's

1:19:55

the one who sent us on this wild ride looking

1:19:57

for Clementine. Maybe he wants to congratulate

1:19:59

us now.

1:20:00

Maybe this is the loot chest

1:20:03

at the end of the adventure. Gloria. What?

1:20:05

We must go. Now. Ow. Uh. Come

1:20:08

inside.

1:20:09

No. Ow! Fuck!

1:20:12

Ow! Let me see the- What's

1:20:15

wrong? I-I don't know. I- Ow! God

1:20:18

damn it! What's happening, Carrot? I don't know. Gloria,

1:20:20

we have been deceased. Aah!

1:20:24

Oh, he's getting shot at. It's

1:20:26

Chuck!

1:20:27

Aah! I'm

1:20:30

killing him. Why? It's over. We won.

1:20:32

The point wasn't to stop him. He just

1:20:34

wanted us to wear her down then flush her out

1:20:36

so we could- I didn't think it'd stop him. You

1:20:38

don't think we were his fucking hunting

1:20:40

dogs? He's going to kill her right in front

1:20:42

of us. Carrot! What's

1:20:44

happening? Somebody give me some options.

1:20:47

Please! Go up

1:20:48

on the roof and turn on the wind chime.

1:20:50

Why? I think it may distract him. It may buy

1:20:52

us some time. Okay. I'm going. I

1:20:55

just plan the whole goddamn time. We can't let her

1:20:57

just die. We're not going to. God damn

1:20:59

it! Stop it! Wind chimes are on. How

1:21:03

long until we jump? We're a ways

1:21:05

off. Fuck!

1:21:05

Clementine?

1:21:07

Clementine,

1:21:07

what's happening? I don't-

1:21:10

I don't know. It's like... Heavy,

1:21:13

my insides

1:21:14

ripped out. Clementine, you teleported

1:21:16

the diner to get us here. Can you do it again?

1:21:20

Okay.

1:21:20

I can't. We have been

1:21:22

pawns this entire time.

1:21:25

We must protect her, Gloria. How?

1:21:28

I

1:21:28

am not asking you to pray,

1:21:31

but to find the closest

1:21:33

thing you can.

1:21:35

Oh, God! It's turning again!

1:21:38

He's finding a way through. I am

1:21:40

officially sick of this.

1:21:42

Thank you. What is happening? Are

1:21:46

you two

1:21:46

sensitive, Rock? Now get off the parking lot. What?

1:21:49

Wait. Can you get more power to the wind

1:21:51

chime? I can try. Gloria! Clementine,

1:21:54

you've got to hang in there, okay? What's happening

1:21:56

to me? Hang on!

1:21:58

What are you gonna

1:22:00

do? Stay out here, okay? What are you gonna do? I'm

1:22:02

going to get mad. Mad? Hey!

1:22:15

I'm talking to you.

1:22:16

There's a girl out there that's about to

1:22:18

be killed while you're just sitting here. Are

1:22:21

you listening to me? I

1:22:24

know you're listening to me. I know you listen

1:22:26

to all of us. All the

1:22:28

time. I know we talk about how

1:22:31

this place is random and just pops up

1:22:33

in random places, but it doesn't.

1:22:36

You don't do that, do you?

1:22:38

In fact, I'm guessing nothing you do is random.

1:22:42

I know you're listening.

1:22:46

I know you're paying attention.

1:22:48

There are guajillo peppers in that wok in that

1:22:50

you put there, and I'll bet my life

1:22:52

you didn't start doing that until I showed

1:22:55

up.

1:22:56

You're listening.

1:22:58

I'm guessing you have some sort of plan that

1:23:00

will never know

1:23:01

some great mystery, right?

1:23:04

Well, I'm sick of it. I'm

1:23:07

getting batted around by two forces out of my

1:23:09

control. Chuck the fourth dimensional

1:23:12

asshole and you, whatever

1:23:16

you are, and

1:23:17

frankly, getting batted around by forces

1:23:19

out of my control, I had enough of

1:23:22

that back home and I'm not doing

1:23:24

it again.

1:23:26

So here's the deal.

1:23:28

Whatever it is you're up to,

1:23:31

you need me.

1:23:34

I know you do.

1:23:36

You need all of us, and none of

1:23:38

us are going to stand for you letting a

1:23:40

girl die in the parking lot.

1:23:43

You need us, so you need to start

1:23:46

acting like it.

1:23:49

Move.

1:23:50

Now. Take

1:23:53

this girl home.

1:24:02

We jumped early. What

1:24:04

happened?

1:24:07

I think I used

1:24:08

my get out of jail free card. What

1:24:10

do you mean?

1:24:12

You were saying this place is listening

1:24:15

to us, right?

1:24:18

Yeah.

1:24:19

So, I yelled

1:24:21

at it.

1:24:24

Holy shit.

1:24:25

I'm guessing I get about one of those

1:24:28

per lifetime.

1:24:29

Nice work.

1:24:31

Let's check on the problem, child.

1:24:35

How are you feeling? Um, I'm okay.

1:24:39

God, that was terrible. I am disappointed

1:24:41

in myself that we were deceived.

1:24:45

We all are, Sapulon. Deceived

1:24:47

by who? Who are you talking about? Someone

1:24:50

sent us after you, Clementine. Who?

1:24:53

I don't know how to describe it. An entity.

1:24:55

We named him Chuck.

1:24:57

No, he was going to try and kill

1:24:59

you.

1:24:59

We did not. Now what happened? Looks

1:25:02

like we're in the clear for now. How did we jump

1:25:04

early? Gloria yelled at the diner. Yelled

1:25:07

at it? Yes. So, watch yourself. Gloria,

1:25:10

what's happening? Looks like we've all

1:25:12

got a lot of explaining to do, but for

1:25:15

now we're fine.

1:25:17

I somehow convinced the diner

1:25:19

to take you home, Clementine.

1:25:21

Oh, God.

1:25:24

Ah! I

1:25:28

wish you hadn't done that. Thanks

1:25:40

for listening to Midnight Burger, y'all. Be

1:25:43

sure and tune in this time next month for

1:25:45

adventures in the vastness. And

1:25:47

if time and tide roil

1:25:49

you too harshly, or diurnal

1:25:52

courses leave you

1:25:53

with no safe havens, just

1:25:56

remember we're out there

1:25:59

somewhere.

1:26:00

Lookin' for ya. We open

1:26:02

at six! Midnight Burger is made possible

1:26:04

in part by our Monte Cristo level and above

1:26:06

supporters. Wilson, Melly, Burt

1:26:08

Burt, Anthony, Second Bethany, Megan

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named Nat, Mothra Stewart, Hicks

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Liu, Life is Liminal, The Arch Sherpa,

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G Longhorn, Lucrezia, Amy

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Pollard, Zeyhoni Vida, Brick House

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Prologue, Little Ball of Odd, Dr.

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Puntgusher Esquire, Step

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On, Chelsea G, Lydia Kenworthy, Mel Momburg,

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Simeone, Bradley Ashby, Will

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Bootles, Washmi Vincatesh, Rubius

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Fuzzlebutt, Miss Quillstil Making Sandwiches,

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St. Fu, Roman Ronin, D.

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Fox, Matt Mosby, Nicole Cool

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and Jello, J. Way Mythical, The Real

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Sturgis, The Dread Pirate Fred Fredburger, Daniel Caprat, Nayan Ortega, Rogue,

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Cole, Your Favorite Kenny, Galatea, Reaper, Black Squirrel, S.C.R.B. Mark 11, Robert

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Oliveri, Adrian Ramirez, Berserkinoff, Hayward's Finest

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Garen Elizondo, Genuine Jacob, Shnugens,

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Joshua Cody, Kelly Jane Danky, Ambient

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Drifting Man 80, Mossy, Steven Robin Poole, Steven Schmidt,

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Crazed Bear, Pathos, Amanda

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Marie Catherine, The Something Something Detective

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Agency, Underwater Corvus,

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Andrea Strick, Virgo Aries

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Infinity, Julian Barber, Sir

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Cat Dad, Jane Gustry, Brad

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1:28:09

Crucifully Impaired, Crystal Delightful, Petting

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Dogs, Phantom Zone, Crowed Nation,

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Scrimbroulet, Jack Lane, Lola,

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Santom Turtle, Chaos Squatcher, Bixchiff

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Managed, Aaron The Optimist, Andrew

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Barnard, Crittle, Camel Pope, Tofarius,

1:28:24

Christian Davis, Tuba Rick, Patrick

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Jenkins, Clara Olsen, Justine Burbank,

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Sunny The

1:28:29

Anomaly, Peachy Zettuichi, The

1:28:32

Bard with the Tuba, ALR, Chris

1:28:34

Hancock, Sammy Baldwin, Dances

1:28:36

with Burritos, Apprehensive Craig, Clarifying

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Genderless Space Pirate Uncle Buck, Caravan

1:28:41

Shaker, Trinket Coralee, Disco

1:28:44

Funkslinger, Holy D'Lambert, Deli

1:28:46

Cruz, Edgy Steve, Gruntled,

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Incordable Ross, Hashtag Nissan

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Acura, Grilled Chicken Sandow, Lara

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Orchid, Callandus, Heidelbergie, Miss

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May AKA Heather Berland, Potato

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Nation, Lacockney Francaise,

1:28:59

Ellis Malice, Podge Art, Rudra,

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Starlight, Freya Titmittens, Celestios,

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Corrine Sibranta, Weirdly Nordic Leviathan,

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Sean Wright, Michael Christian, Wandering

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Aquarius, Moldy Bread Millie, Tarvok

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Stormbringer, Techno Ranger Rick, Magnificent

1:29:15

Hogbeast, Harry Fishnuts, Charmaine,

1:29:18

Kyle of Light, Brockowini, Theo

1:29:21

Alex Dean, Lattice Action Figure, Plum

1:29:23

Scrumping Action, Flat Dug, Sarah

1:29:25

Farmer, Arrow of Truth, Casey Howe,

1:29:28

Purple Saline, The Wondrous Methazophon,

1:29:30

Antigone Brickman, The Love Pod Podcast,

1:29:33

The Cole 23, JMacDiz, G

1:29:36

Willsonian407, Cheetah Go,

1:29:38

Saren Far Beyond the Stars, Spizorinkum,

1:29:41

Melba Snorowitz, Samira, Xavier

1:29:43

Sage, Blargo Blargo Blargo, Onyx

1:29:46

Rose, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Death's

1:29:49

a Kid, Hold It Now, Hit

1:29:52

It, Max Savage, Turlington Beastcoat,

1:29:54

Tamara Oliver, Kelsey Home, Jackie

1:29:57

Wavelet, Marissa, Damien the Goddamn

1:29:59

Time Lawyer, Perry, Skyland, Tim

1:30:02

Araneta, Magic Pony, Jay Snoozen,

1:30:04

Maggie's Yarm, Rebecca Trothel, Andy

1:30:07

Croft, Zealous Pragma, Mallory

1:30:09

May, Pivolt the First, Aaron

1:30:11

Mitchell, Raven the Neko Queen, Ashley

1:30:13

Chapel Peoples, Jimmy Snims, Melvith

1:30:16

Grey Mystery, Alkali's Tertiary Amines,

1:30:19

Om Vega, Codex Typo, Al Caves,

1:30:21

Kevin Batten, Creator67, Sono

1:30:24

Nasuno, John Du, Courtney DiPona,

1:30:27

Snorts McGorts, John Pruitt, Justin

1:30:29

at

1:30:29

the Tree Cave, Ruth McCormack, Stuck

1:30:32

in Derplahoma, It's Just Blake, Izzinola,

1:30:35

The Peersons, Tired Pirate Muffin, JR

1:30:38

the Hiker Bear, Turtles All the Way Down, Fiona

1:30:40

Malisey, Ravenheart, Menlour,

1:30:43

Rachel Rachelson, Nicole Studioso,

1:30:45

Mouldybread Millie, Tracy, Elspeth,

1:30:48

Colibri, The Green Street Major, Posh

1:30:50

Baby Rettles Florida, Jessica Shelton, Nate,

1:30:53

Megan Okeo, Three Legs Are Perfectly Good,

1:30:56

Sarah Murphy, Peter, Malaran,

1:30:58

Brunn Maythaleel, Noah and Katie,

1:31:00

Late Indeed Again, Unexciting

1:31:02

K, Ian Hertzler, Vicki Abert,

1:31:05

Mother of the F***, Cryptacea, Enthanomale,

1:31:08

Special K, Atlas B, Salazar

1:31:10

the Dome Age, Spruce Box, Fresh

1:31:12

Squeezed, Laura, Ryan Abbey,

1:31:15

Zuzana, Mastbuds, Lenny

1:31:16

and M, Captain Blepp, Hennigan

1:31:18

Robert, Lord Fan and Lady Sartres, Ashton

1:31:21

James, Sarah Bergenholtz, Paul A.

1:31:23

Johnson, Hunter B, Zackingat,

1:31:26

Big Whiskey, Talon Lawson, Hannah

1:31:28

Dale, Philandis, Mia, Kara,

1:31:31

Ben and Jessica, Just Jane is Fine,

1:31:33

Dandy Bae, CeCe Ryder, The Combat

1:31:36

Wombat, K Mac, Rhemba,

1:31:38

the artist formerly known as Mouse Cop, Kirsten,

1:31:41

Eli the Electrician, Jackie Lally,

1:31:43

Adelaide Dirk, Manglerfish, Good

1:31:45

God There Are So Many Names,

1:31:46

Curtis Trell Sr., David Pierini,

1:31:49

Terrified Toddler, Dalek Steve, Dancing

1:31:52

Dog Dreams, Beatrice Bodacious, and

1:31:54

Existentially Exhausted Bean.

1:31:59

I'm taking. Woo!

1:32:04

Taking.

1:32:07

Are ya? All you have at your disposal are

1:32:09

the trees and tiny

1:32:11

creatures that live on your island and whatever

1:32:14

the ocean washes up on the... Blah blah blah blah

1:32:16

blah blah blah blah blah blah. All you have...

1:32:19

and don't open them until I tell you to,

1:32:21

okay?

1:32:25

Okay.

1:32:27

Okay.

1:32:29

I'm gonna hold for a second though

1:32:31

because there's a plane flying over right now and

1:32:33

this is a really intimate moment.

1:32:35

Time is a plane. It flies over me and makes noise but

1:32:37

I am also the plane. I

1:32:41

am the plane that ruins the podcast but I am

1:32:43

also the podcast.

1:32:49

Time is a sense... sense

1:32:51

sense sense.

1:32:53

Because of the temporal alarm. Hi. I

1:32:56

was in my house and I let the morning air in and

1:32:58

I...

1:33:01

and I... Oh, fuck.

1:33:04

All the day-a-layer that I've been through. I'm sorry.

1:33:06

I'll mute for you, Julie. I'll mute for you. I just...

1:33:08

Oh, God.

1:33:11

The Fable and Falling Network

1:33:14

where fiction producers flourish.

1:33:17

Jesus fucks.

1:33:19

Get ready for

1:33:21

the miracle of MEGA a comedy podcast

1:33:23

from the staff of a fictional MEGA

1:33:25

church. And not only does he f***

1:33:27

but he's the best at it. I'm Holly Lorentz.

1:33:29

And I'm Greg Hess.

1:33:30

Our characters, Holly and Gray, welcome a new guest

1:33:32

each week. Played by some of the biggest names in comedy and

1:33:34

power.