Episode Transcript
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0:00
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you create and store storage. Mark
4:05
and his daughter, Andy, played the telescope
4:07
game together on their back balcony, peering
4:10
up through the ancient telescope Mark had bought
4:12
secondhand at a pawn shop down the street.
4:16
It perched, overhanging their fifth floor
4:18
apartment railing, a broad, squat tube
4:20
with huge bronze knobs. At
4:23
first, Andy's small hands could barely fit around
4:25
the knobs, then she would make a sweeping
4:28
motion with her arms to ask Mark to
4:30
coax the image into focus. The
4:33
telescope game was simple. Andy
4:35
would point the telescope at the latest celestial
4:37
body she was enamored with, then,
4:39
after peering through the filmy lens long
4:41
enough to get it focused, she would
4:44
declare that they had locked on, Captain!
4:47
Mark would make a hum, as
4:50
they were teleported together to the planet's surface.
4:52
Then, Andy would describe exactly what
4:55
they were seeing and feeling on the planet.
4:58
On Venus, the roiling clouds hung
5:00
overhead as acid rain pelted their
5:03
suits. On Mars, their
5:05
step was light and the thin
5:07
atmosphere barely carried the sound of
5:09
their voices. And on
5:11
Jupiter, they flew through the clouds
5:13
of the endless storm, tossed and
5:16
tumbled by the centennial winds. Andy
5:19
and Mark would act out collecting
5:21
samples, exploring craters on moons, and,
5:24
if they were pushing the telescope to its
5:26
limits, initiating first contact
5:29
with aliens on faraway
5:31
stars. Andy
5:33
became obsessed with astronomy at a young
5:36
age. After her class had a
5:38
module about the solar system, she came
5:40
home starry-eyed, declaring that she wanted
5:42
to be an astronaut. She
5:44
had passed through other obsessions at this
5:47
point, dinosaurs when she wanted to be
5:49
a paleontologist, horses when she wanted to
5:51
be an equestrian, Mark still
5:53
wasn't sure where she had learned the
5:55
word equestrian, but her obsession with
5:57
astronomy was different. Peetering
6:00
out after a few weeks of scattered
6:02
interest her passion only grew as time
6:04
passed Mark bought Andy
6:07
books about the solar system then each
6:09
of the planets and eventually textbooks about
6:11
the structure of the universe Months
6:14
after her class moved on from the stars
6:16
and he could only imagine one present for her
6:18
birthday That was
6:21
when Mark bought her the telescope Andy's
6:24
Fascination with the stars deepened into a
6:26
love for learning driven by her desire
6:29
to see the cosmos for herself When
6:32
she was just nine she could quote
6:34
facts about Einstein's general relativity theory and
6:36
the speed of light Her
6:38
obsession gave her a zest for her homework that
6:41
mark had never had as a child She
6:44
told him that she would have to get very good
6:46
grades to become an astronaut Mark Worried
6:49
for Andy At
6:51
first his worries were expressed
6:53
through a concern that her obsession could
6:56
alienate his daughter from her classmates who
6:58
were beginning to develop the social dynamics
7:00
that would exclude someone so obsessed with
7:02
a specific topic and This
7:04
happened as Andy turned 11 Mark
7:07
would sometimes try to suggest indulging
7:10
more age-appropriate interest improve her situation
7:13
But Andy brushed off these suggestions
7:15
yelling no telescope game In
7:19
response to the dolls and sports equipment mark
7:22
pro offered Eventually
7:24
mark thought that his suggestions sank in
7:26
on some level To
7:28
prepare herself for the physical demands of astronaut
7:30
training And he took up soccer
7:33
and started making connections through her team which
7:35
allayed marks fears about her social development as
7:38
Andy grew older her discussions of space
7:40
grew less abstract and more realistic about
7:43
the path that she would take Being
7:46
an astronaut was a rare and difficult thing
7:48
But she thought starting at an early age gave her
7:50
a leg up in achieving that lofty goal This
7:54
change only pushed marks mind to further
7:56
reaching concerns. He worried about
7:58
the discrimination. She would fail as a woman in
8:00
a science field. He worried that
8:03
she would get discouraged as her dream seemed
8:05
further away, as high school and then college
8:07
and then training would bring their own particular
8:09
challenges that could beat her down. He
8:11
believed in and supported her, he thought, but
8:14
he still worried that the system would find her
8:16
lacking in some way, that she would
8:18
be locked out of her dreams. Then
8:20
where would she be? The
8:23
Telescope game invited Mark into other,
8:25
more visceral fears that formed Stu
8:27
with the abstract ones.
8:30
Although the lens of Andi's excitement obscured
8:32
it, the landscapes and situations
8:35
she described during the Telescope game
8:37
were always rich with dangers. To
8:40
be an astronaut was to enter the most inhospitable
8:42
place that a human could go, with
8:45
only a flimsy suit between themselves and
8:47
certain death. The wondrous
8:49
vistas she described in the game were filled
8:51
with dangers that he could not imagine that
8:53
his daughter, who he had held, so
8:56
fragile in his hands when she was born,
8:59
could survive. These
9:02
worries preyed upon Mark's mind after the
9:04
Telescope was packed away in its old
9:06
leather case and he lay in bed
9:08
with moonlights streaming in under his curtains.
9:11
Sometimes, he wished that they lived
9:13
somewhere less rural so that stargazing
9:15
wasn't quite so easy and maybe
9:17
Andi's interest would turn somewhere safer.
9:20
But the ideation was strangled by the
9:22
wave of guilt he felt as he
9:24
realised the implications of that longing. He
9:27
wanted his daughter to feel confident and supported
9:29
in whatever she decided to do with her
9:32
life. It was wrong
9:34
for him to want to dissuade her from being
9:36
an astronaut because it scared her dear old dad.
9:39
In fifth grade, Mark took Andi to
9:41
Arizona to tour the desert where NASA
9:44
simulated moon walks. Beyond
9:46
the plaque that commemorated the first
9:48
moon landing stretched endless miles of
9:50
black volcanic rock. As
9:52
Mark and Andi hiked together, he involuntarily
9:54
had a vision of all the air
9:56
being sucked away from the surface and
9:59
their bodies slowly falling to the ground
10:01
in one sixth gravity. He
10:04
unconsciously held his breath as Yuri played the
10:06
vision in his head until he was broken
10:08
out of his trance by Andy tripping on
10:10
the craggy rocks as she bounded up ahead.
10:12
Where they stood had been trod by countless
10:15
astronauts, some of who had died trying
10:17
to get to the moon. Others
10:19
had gone all the way there, left footprints
10:21
in the lunar dust and returned safely
10:23
to the soil. Mark
10:25
tried to focus on these survivors as he
10:28
sucked in the dry desert air. Now
10:31
12 years old, Andy's hands were large
10:33
enough to grasp and turn the knobs of the
10:35
telescope on her own, but she
10:37
still expressed childish joy in playing the
10:40
telescope game. Mark's
10:42
worries had fermented into a stew
10:44
of tepid disapproval and guilty support.
10:48
That summer she wanted to spend seven weeks
10:50
away at a junior astronaut camp. Her
10:53
latest planetary obsession was Neptune and
10:55
its moon, Titania. Mark
10:58
arrived home late one cold February evening.
11:01
Over dinner, Andy told Mark that she someday
11:03
wanted to be a part of a manned
11:05
mission to Titania. Mark
11:07
tentatively questioned if they would have the
11:10
technology in her lifetime, a
11:12
common argument he employed. He
11:14
did not express his horror that Andy would want
11:16
to go to an icy rock almost two billion
11:19
miles away from the earth. Andy
11:22
responded, with familiar frustration, that it was
11:24
possible and the technological gap between Mars
11:26
and other planets would be easier to
11:28
cross than the current gap between the
11:30
moon and Mars that manned missions currently
11:32
faced. Mark decided not to
11:34
press the issue into a fight tonight. He
11:37
smiled awkwardly and said that maybe she
11:40
would be the first person to walk
11:42
on Titania's surface. Then,
11:44
Andy went on to tell him how
11:46
the thin carbon dioxide atmosphere of Titania
11:48
wouldn't even carry sound and
11:50
that there was liquid water deep under
11:53
the moon's crust and that maybe there
11:55
were tiny microbes living up on Titania
11:57
right now whose ancestors she could study
11:59
in her space. spaceship laboratory. She
12:02
wished she could be there right now, to see
12:04
it all. As
12:07
Mark was washing the dishes after dinner, he
12:09
secretly hoped the talk of Neptune was over
12:11
for tonight. He didn't know if
12:13
he was up to wrestling with the contradictions in
12:15
his fears after a long day of work. When
12:18
Andy came in and set the old leather case
12:20
that held the telescope on the kitchen table, he
12:24
struggled to suppress a groan.
12:26
He briefly wished he could be somewhere
12:28
else. "'Come on, Dad,'
12:31
she said. "'Just a few minutes. Neptune
12:33
is visible early tonight.'" Mark
12:36
begrudgingly unpacked the telescope as Andy went back to
12:38
her room to collect her notes on Neptune. His
12:41
mind briefly wandered to a job in the city
12:44
he had seen online a few days ago as
12:46
he gingerly unwrapped the tube. Guilt
12:49
shot through his gut like an electric shock. He
12:52
took the telescope outside. As
12:55
he was tired, Mark hoped he could sit
12:57
back while Andy did the heavy lifting of
12:59
aiming and adjusting the telescope and acting out
13:01
the telescope game. He
13:03
set up the worn bronze tripod and screwed
13:05
in the knobs that attached the huge telescope
13:07
to it. The telescope
13:09
hung heavy just over the lip of the
13:11
railing. Mark peered down through
13:14
the lens to make sure it didn't need cleaning and
13:16
saw through it a stretch of road a
13:18
few blocks from his apartment. Then
13:22
with a hum in his ear, he
13:24
was suddenly standing in that stretch of road.
13:28
He jumped onto the sidewalk and shook
13:30
his head, disoriented. He
13:32
looked back at his apartment. He didn't
13:34
know how it was true, but the telescope had
13:36
teleported him like they had pretended it could do
13:38
all those years. A
13:40
yawning pit of dread opened in his
13:43
stomach and his legs involuntarily began a
13:45
desperate sprint back towards his apartment building.
13:48
He was yelling for Andy, but he didn't know if
13:50
she could hear. As he
13:52
approached, his eyes flew up to their balcony
13:55
and he saw that the telescope still lay limp,
13:58
pointed to the ground. Andy
14:01
was nowhere in sight. He
14:03
burst into the lobby, and the desk attendant
14:06
watched as he first dashed to the elevators,
14:08
then backtracked to the stairs. He
14:11
took them three at a time, his
14:13
heart beating erratically. He didn't know
14:15
if he had ever moved so fast in his entire life.
14:19
He got to his apartment door but realised he didn't
14:21
have the key. He started
14:23
pounding at the door, yelling for Andy to
14:25
stop, to not go to the telescope, to
14:27
not look to the sky. There
14:30
was no response. He
14:32
busted down the door with a kick, desperation
14:35
driving him with a whip and tore
14:37
through the living room, eyes
14:39
scanning for Andy until he got a view of
14:41
the balcony. The
14:44
ancient telescope sat
14:46
upright, not leaned on
14:48
the railing, but
14:50
pointing to the starry void
14:53
above. The
15:10
Magnus Protocol is a podcast distributed
15:13
by Rusty Quill and licensed under
15:15
a Creative Commons Attribution Non-commercial Sharealike
15:17
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