0:00

How do you make

0:02

an Airbnb a Verbo?

0:04

Picture a vacation rental

0:06

with a host who's

0:08

showing you every room

0:10

like you've never seen

0:13

a house before. Now

0:15

get rid of them. There

0:17

you go. No host ever.

0:19

Now it's a Verbo. Make

0:21

it a Verbo. I'm

0:24

Kristen. And I'm Jen from the I

0:27

Mom So Hard podcast. We don't want

0:29

to brag, but yes, we are moms.

0:31

We're average? Mom's below average sometimes. But

0:34

we're not just moms. And we're not

0:36

just super models either. We're not just...

0:38

pieces of meat. That's right we're not

0:40

even close. We are comedians and we're

0:43

also best friends. We're also best-selling authors

0:45

and television writers. We created a viral

0:47

web series with over 300 million views.

0:50

Okay that's bragging. And we were in

0:52

our swimsuits again. Not super models. We're

0:54

also podcasters. Are we podcasting right

0:57

now? Right now, but we have

0:59

been bringing laughs every Tuesday to

1:01

women and moms everywhere. And one

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dude who's a sophomore and college.

1:06

His name is Greg. to the

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Ammamso Hard podcast

1:11

on A-cast. Whoo!

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A-cast helps creators

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launch, grow, and

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monetize their podcast

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everywhere. a-cast.com

1:26

This episode is

1:29

dedicated to Gray

1:32

Anderson. The

1:45

Magnus

1:50

Protocol.

2:48

I wouldn't touch it. The

2:50

nurse said it was hard

2:52

enough finding a vein for

2:54

it in the first place.

2:56

What? I think it's just

2:59

saline, some electrolytes, probably some

3:01

vitamins if they've got that.

3:03

They didn't give me the

3:05

full rundown. Why? To keep

3:07

you alive? You were in

3:09

a bad way when we

3:11

picked you up, Sam? Malnutrition,

3:14

dehydration, the works. Oh, um,

3:16

thanks? Don't mention it. Now,

3:18

it's your job to convince

3:20

me that we will write

3:22

to use those resources. How

3:24

long was I sleep? You've

3:27

been in and out for

3:29

a couple of days. Humpty?

3:31

Yeah, although actually if you've

3:33

got another pillow... What are

3:35

you? Excuse me? What are

3:37

you? I don't understand the

3:39

question. Are you human? What

3:42

else would I be? Yes,

3:44

yes I'm human. And that's

3:46

a problem. Because the only

3:48

humans allowed in the London

3:50

Exclusion Zone are me and

3:52

my team. You're not one

3:54

of my teams, Sam? Where

3:57

am I? check pretty much

3:59

the whole border at this

4:01

point and can't find any

4:03

breach any tracks no evidence

4:05

at all of how you

4:07

got yourself inside please I

4:10

just need someone to explain

4:12

what's happening so as far

4:14

as we can tell you

4:16

came from the square mile

4:18

and humans don't come from

4:20

the square mile what look

4:22

I don't even know how

4:25

I got there okay I

4:27

don't even know where there

4:29

is last thing I remember

4:31

I was in the basement

4:33

and there was So what's

4:35

the deal Sam? By the

4:37

look of you I'm guessing

4:40

some kind of hunger thing,

4:42

right? You look into my

4:44

eyes, make me realize hunger

4:46

in my soul and turn

4:48

the whole building into cannibals?

4:50

No, there were people, I

4:52

saw people in a dream.

4:55

I didn't know them, but

4:57

Celia was there. And I

4:59

think you were there. Okay,

5:01

so some kind of dream

5:03

eating creature then. Help me

5:05

out here Sam, Sam, what's

5:08

your thing? What's your stick?

5:10

What's your messed up little

5:12

horror power? Wait. Are you

5:14

talking about... All the monsters

5:16

have one? We call them

5:18

externals. Who's we? I work

5:20

for the Office of Incident

5:23

Assessment and Response. We're a

5:25

branch of the UK Civil

5:27

Service. Or... were... maybe... You

5:29

said that was London you

5:31

found me in? Technically. The

5:33

zone's too dangerous to break

5:35

down for scrap. I hate

5:38

to break it to you,

5:40

but there hasn't been a

5:42

proper civil service for a

5:44

while. Government's just been one

5:46

big incident response for a

5:48

few years now, so either

5:51

you're lying or... Wait, what

5:53

year is it? 2024? Oh,

5:55

oh, okay, yeah. In that

5:57

case then, I think I

5:59

might be from another dimension.

6:01

What? Oh, what? Hunger monsters

6:03

from post-apocalyptic London are just

6:06

another day at the office

6:08

to you, but... Other dimensions

6:10

is just too far-fetched. I

6:12

mean, what's not exactly on

6:14

my bingo card? Okay, let's

6:16

just skip the whole, why

6:18

should I believe you stuff

6:21

for now and get straight

6:23

to the big stuff? Why

6:25

you? Why now? Why hasn't

6:27

this happened before? I don't

6:29

know. Maybe they have. I

6:31

mean, there was the staring

6:33

in the world, my world,

6:36

but it was hidden. Maybe

6:38

no one else found it.

6:40

Where was it? basement of

6:42

an old retail unit in

6:44

the hilltop shopping center if

6:46

you can believe me hilltop

6:49

in Oxford yeah you know

6:51

it Sam, it would have

6:53

been a lot less complicated

6:55

if you'd just been a

6:57

monster. Sorry, I guess. So,

6:59

like, can you tell me

7:01

where I am now? What

7:04

happened to London? Who are

7:06

you people? This world is

7:08

a lot different to mine.

7:10

I suspect it was probably

7:12

pretty similar until about five

7:14

years ago. Then all hell

7:16

broke loose. What sort of

7:19

hell? The kind where your

7:21

world is transformed into a

7:23

psychoformed fear farm for otherworldly

7:25

entities outside of human understanding.

7:27

Oh, okay then? It didn't

7:29

last long, objectively speaking at

7:32

least, but time wasn't exactly

7:34

working right. Anyway, we eventually

7:36

managed to get rid of

7:38

them and we've spent the

7:40

years since trying to rebuild

7:42

and get back to something

7:44

approaching normal. Where I landed

7:47

didn't look normal. No. a

7:49

few places around the world never

7:52

fully changed back. I think of

7:54

it as a sort of lingering

7:56

fear radiation and London was at

7:59

the part of what happened. And

8:01

you look after them? We try

8:03

to contain them. Officially we're part

8:05

of the wider civil defense militia,

8:08

but most people just call us

8:10

wardens. I suppose it fits. We

8:12

try to keep the horrors in

8:15

and the people out. Why would

8:17

anyone want to get in somewhere

8:19

like that? You'd be surprised. Captain,

8:22

you needed. Talk to me. It's

8:24

Heidi. They found her. We

8:30

found it near the body.

8:32

How near? Right next to

8:34

her? Hand was touching it.

8:36

Was it recording when you

8:38

found it? I'm not sure,

8:40

I don't think so. Okay.

8:42

How was she killed? Doc's

8:44

not sure yet, but it

8:46

definitely wasn't natural. Dave, details,

8:48

come on. Sorry, I know,

8:51

I just... Feel later? Work

8:53

now. What happened to Heidi?

8:55

What state was her body

8:57

in? It was

8:59

pale, shriveled, shriveled, like she'd

9:01

been sucked dry and she

9:04

had... There was glass all

9:06

over her body embedded into

9:08

the skin but nothing in

9:10

the surrounding area. Describe the

9:13

glass. I don't know. Clear?

9:15

Slightly curved? I think it

9:17

was like... Camera lenses, maybe.

9:20

A few of them were

9:22

still whole enough you could

9:24

make out the shape. It's

9:29

hard to ever tell you about

9:32

her domain. No, we didn't know

9:34

each other that well. Why did

9:36

she tell you? It's part of

9:39

the standard psychival for the newer

9:41

recruits. And it involved cameras. What

9:44

are we dealing with here, Cap?

9:46

I don't know. I'll have a

9:48

suspicion. A suspicion that I really,

9:51

really hope is wrong. But I

9:53

can't say for sure. Not yet.

9:56

So, what's the plan? I

9:59

Like I have another talk

10:01

with our guest, you put

10:03

everyone on alert, double up

10:05

the rounds, at least one

10:07

auto prepare and notify the

10:10

other branches. Got it? Stay

10:12

clear of any tape recorders,

10:14

and if you hear anyone

10:16

starting to get all heuetic

10:18

and tell a really personal,

10:20

really traumatic story for no

10:22

obvious reason, you grab them

10:25

and you run. Understood? Understood.

10:27

Right. You get going and

10:29

I'll go talk while... What?

10:31

What do we do if

10:33

it starts to record? Hasn't

10:35

made that call, Hannah? Then

10:38

all you do is... What

10:40

is this? What is this?

10:42

What is this? What? I

10:44

don't know. Broken junk? Is

10:46

this... God, someone really did

10:48

a number on this thing.

10:50

Fine, do you know what

10:53

it was? Plastic, some metal,

10:55

magnetic tape? Oh. One of

10:57

my team is already dead,

10:59

and if this means what

11:01

I think it means, they're

11:03

not going to be the

11:06

last. So no more games.

11:08

You're going to tell me

11:10

what you know, right, now.

11:12

The day players. We think

11:14

there's something to do with

11:16

the thing that's been chasing

11:18

us. It found me near

11:21

the whole... Portal, whatever it

11:23

is. I'm still fuzzy on

11:25

some stuff, but it must

11:27

have come through with me.

11:29

Who's we? Oh, me, Alice,

11:31

Gwen, my colleagues at the

11:33

OIA, my friends. Alice called

11:36

it an archivist. Is that

11:38

wrong? Tell me, Eve, listen.

11:40

Right, okay. So I was

11:42

looking into this old organization

11:44

called the Magnus Institute. Oh

11:46

shit. You know it? Do

11:49

you have one in here?

11:51

Used to. Yeah. Well, hours

11:53

burned down in the late

11:55

90s. Lucky you. Anyway, Alice

11:57

and I were poking around

11:59

and our best theory is

12:01

we accidentally let it loose

12:04

somehow. Unlock something or disturb

12:06

something or open something or

12:08

just poke it up, I

12:10

guess. Since then, it's been

12:12

sort of stalking us and

12:14

feeding on people nearby. He

12:16

hasn't killed you. Why? I

12:19

don't know. It even dragged

12:21

a story out of me

12:23

at one point, but it

12:25

didn't finish me off. I

12:27

wonder if it wanted us

12:29

to find this place so

12:32

we could follow us here.

12:34

What does he look like?

12:36

What's his voice like? Think,

12:38

Sam, this is important. I

12:40

don't even know if it

12:42

is a he. It's hard

12:44

to look at. It dresses

12:47

in rags or a cloak

12:49

or something that hides most

12:51

of its shape. But its

12:53

face? It's all eyes. Look,

12:57

it was an accident. I

12:59

didn't mean to bring it

13:01

here. Don't give a crap

13:04

what you meant to do.

13:06

This is who I think

13:08

it is, then... What? There

13:10

won't be anything left to

13:12

rebuild. Just as well, you

13:14

need a little sunshine. Get

13:17

those berries nice and ripe.

13:19

People will say strawberries are

13:21

easy to grow, but I've

13:23

never been able to get

13:25

a handle on them, nor

13:28

any other plant, to be

13:30

honest. I guess I've got

13:32

what you might call a

13:34

brown thumb. But it doesn't

13:36

matter. I'll stay out in

13:39

my garden as long as

13:41

it takes. As long as

13:43

I'm here, in the fresh

13:45

air and the sun, trying

13:47

to give things life. Doesn't

13:50

matter if I succeed or

13:52

not. It's... Not the sun

13:54

though, not really. Nor the

13:56

sky, nor open air. Even

13:58

at the end of it

14:01

all, it was never the

14:03

cave that scared me. But

14:05

I need to see the

14:07

world moving, to watch the

14:09

light grow and dim, the

14:12

sun to march on its

14:14

path. The clouds blow through

14:16

the sky, it reminds me,

14:18

the world is moving. No,

14:20

I'm not stuck in that

14:22

long, empty moment. When I

14:25

was young, I read about

14:27

a man who went into

14:29

a cave for two months.

14:31

He was some sort of

14:33

scientist and wanted to see

14:36

what would happen to him

14:38

if he just didn't come

14:40

out. So down he stayed.

14:42

No watches, no clocks, no

14:44

night and day. But what

14:47

he thought was two months.

14:49

It was four. His whole

14:51

sense of time had become

14:53

unstuck. That stayed with me.

14:55

That scared me. To be

14:58

trapped in a moment. To

15:00

have no sense of motion.

15:02

And the longest moment I

15:04

was ever trapped in was

15:06

when I killed a man.

15:09

I never even knew his

15:11

name. Not before and not

15:13

after I fled. It was

15:15

nothing. Just an argument in

15:17

a pub. I didn't even

15:20

think when I pushed him,

15:22

but when he went down,

15:24

as his head sailed towards

15:26

the wood of the broken

15:28

bar stall, I don't know

15:30

how to measure the time

15:33

that took. Two seconds, two

15:35

hours, two forovers. And even

15:37

when it had happened, and

15:39

I was running from the

15:41

pooling blood and the accusing

15:44

eyes, the moment didn't end.

15:46

Every time I close my

15:48

eyes I saw it, my

15:50

life trapped in the amber

15:52

of those seconds. when I

15:55

realized with crystal clarity the

15:57

violence off which I was

15:59

capable When the world died

16:01

screaming and I was taken

16:03

to that cave I didn't

16:06

understand why It was dark,

16:08

but I wasn't afraid of

16:10

the dark It was cramped,

16:12

but I wasn't afraid of

16:14

tight spaces I thought I

16:17

was going to die, but

16:19

I wasn't afraid of death

16:21

at least There were others

16:23

there, shapes and silhouettes in

16:25

the gloom. Enough detail to

16:28

realize how many people were

16:30

down there with me. And

16:32

in the middle, sat between

16:34

us all. The only thing

16:36

we could see clearly in

16:38

that place. The rusty knife.

16:41

There was only one, and

16:43

we all immediately knew what

16:45

it meant. Nobody said a

16:47

word. In the deep. In

16:49

the deep. I have no

16:52

idea how long we were

16:54

there before it all ended.

16:56

But in all that time,

16:58

not a one of us

17:00

spoke. What would we have

17:03

to say? Each and every

17:05

one of us knew we

17:07

were a killer. And what

17:09

could a killer say that

17:11

would ever be trusted in

17:14

a place like that? And

17:16

so the moment stretched on.

17:18

Dragging the pain of our

17:20

potential cruelty across our souls.

17:22

with a point sharper than

17:25

any blade. I would imagine

17:27

picking up the knife. It's

17:29

cold heft, the reassuring weight

17:31

of it. My mind swarmed

17:33

with images of rusty points

17:36

buried in flesh, of how

17:38

my muscles would feel as

17:40

they forced it through skin

17:42

and into muscle. Would it

17:44

hit one of their ribs

17:46

or a clean cut right

17:49

to the heart? or perhaps

17:51

messier slashing open then. stomach,

17:53

filling the cave with a

17:55

stench of blood, acid and

17:57

death. I didn't want to.

18:00

The idea reposed me, left

18:02

me lying there shaking and

18:04

pressed up against the wall,

18:06

but it didn't matter what

18:08

I wanted. All that mattered

18:11

was that I knew that

18:13

I could do it. I

18:15

longed for one of the

18:17

others to pick it up

18:19

and raise it in anger.

18:22

If only one of them

18:24

would lunge at me. slice

18:26

my stomach open, spill my

18:28

entrails across the stony floor,

18:30

then I would be free,

18:33

maybe not free of that

18:35

place, but at least free

18:37

of that lingering, growing, pulsating

18:39

temptation. In the end, I

18:41

was the first to break.

18:44

I was the first to

18:46

take the knife that lay

18:48

in the middle of the

18:50

cave, but not the last.

18:55

It felt in

18:57

my hand, exactly

19:00

as I thought

19:02

it would, the

19:04

weight, the balance,

19:07

the coarse wood

19:09

grain of the

19:11

handle. My stomach

19:13

curdled at the

19:16

feeling, at the

19:18

butcher's extension of

19:20

my body and

19:23

will. The others

19:25

didn't flee or

19:27

cow, or tried

19:29

to defend themselves.

19:32

Instead, they crept

19:34

forward in pathetic

19:36

supplication. silently begging

19:39

to be released

19:41

from what they

19:43

might do in

19:45

turn. But my

19:48

motives were entirely

19:50

selfish. I grasped

19:52

the blade and

19:55

angled its wicked

19:57

rusted point. Then

19:59

I closed my

20:01

eyes. Though that

20:04

was pointless in

20:06

the dark. It

20:08

did not cut

20:11

cleanly. It tore

20:13

and caught on

20:15

every scrap. Oh

20:17

my flesh, but

20:20

he did not

20:22

help. So I

20:24

pulled it out.

20:27

and tried again.

20:32

I, it might

20:35

as well, but

20:38

there was no

20:41

escape from that.

21:25

is a podcast distributed by

21:27

Rusty Quill and licensed under

21:29

a Creative Commons Attribution non-commercial

21:32

share-alike 4.0 international license. The

21:34

series is created by Jonathan

21:36

Sims and Alexander Jay Newell

21:39

and directed by Alexander Jay

21:41

Newell. This episode was written

21:44

by Jonathan Sims and edited

21:46

with additional materials by Alexander

21:48

Jay Newell. With vocal edits

21:51

by Lowrienne Davis, soundscaping by

21:53

Tessive Room. Catherine Renella with

21:55

music by Sam Jones. It

22:00

featured Shahan Hamza as

22:03

Sommer Khalid, Sasha Siena

22:05

as Georgie Barker, with

22:08

additional voices from Beth

22:10

Air. The Magnus Protocol

22:13

is produced by April

22:15

Sommer, with executive producers

22:18

Alexander Jane Wool, Danny

22:20

McDonough, Lynn C., and

22:23

Samantha F.G. Hamilton, and

22:25

associate producers Jordan L.

22:28

Hawk, Taylor Michael's, Nicole

22:30

Perlman. C.T.S. the Raven

22:33

and Megan Nice. To

22:35

subscribe, view associated materials

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or join our patron,

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visit rustyquil.com. Rater reviews

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online, tweet us at

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