0:00

It's been a

0:02

long time coming.

0:04

It would be

0:06

nice for people

0:09

to maybe get

0:12

to know the real

0:14

me. What do you

0:17

believe people

0:19

think when

0:21

they hear your

0:24

name? Sherloid scored

0:26

a number one hit with her

0:28

first single by the time she

0:30

was just 18 years old.

0:32

The most watched season X

0:34

Factor history, over 14 million

0:37

people watching every episode. What

0:39

advice would you give that 16

0:41

year old girl? Don't be so naive,

0:43

things will get ugly. I told myself.

0:46

How do you feel you were portrayed?

0:48

I was the villain that year and

0:50

I was only 16 years old. Let's

0:52

see. Wild. It was called to

0:55

hate Charlotte. What's something that

0:57

you're proud of? I've performed

0:59

with Taylor Swift. Hold on

1:01

for a second. Taylor Swift

1:03

performed with Sherloy. Oh, stop. I

1:06

could tell you the craziest

1:08

stories. Like what? I was promoting my

1:10

album in the US. I was told

1:12

what I needed to do to make

1:15

this record take off is to find

1:17

out where it's. And I should go

1:19

try and get with him. My husband

1:22

was in the room. Now that you're back,

1:24

do you feel as if people love you?

1:26

Before we get into it, I

1:28

just wanted to mention something interesting

1:31

that we've noticed recently. Around nine

1:33

in ten of you watching these

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1:54

and we'll be sure to take note

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and we'll try to get your favorite

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guest on future episodes. Please be

2:01

aware that this episode

2:03

covers topics that some

2:06

listeners may find challenging.

2:09

If you're affected by

2:11

anything discussed, we've included

2:14

links to the show

2:16

notes to organizations and

2:19

charities that can

2:21

provide support. I appreciate

2:23

you being here, so

2:25

thanks for watching, and

2:28

let's get into it. Yeah.

2:30

In your entire career? Never.

2:32

Why not? Just hasn't come

2:35

up. I think a lot of the

2:37

time, you know, people might look

2:39

at like a pop star

2:41

like me and think that I

2:43

don't have much more to say.

2:45

That might be the reason. Well.

2:48

Often people have

2:50

like this preconceived idea

2:52

of who I am. And that

2:54

might be a memory that they

2:57

have from... many many years

2:59

ago 15 years ago and

3:01

I always try and explain

3:03

to people like imagine

3:05

yourself when you were back

3:07

at school back in high school

3:09

do you think you're that

3:12

person now you're not I'm

3:14

not that person anymore what

3:16

do you believe is the

3:19

preconceived notion or what do

3:21

you believe that people think

3:23

when they hear your name share

3:26

I don't want to I feel

3:28

that I am almost aggressive.

3:31

You know, tuss, fiery, have

3:33

an attitude problem.

3:36

And whenever I meet

3:38

someone new and have a

3:40

conversation with

3:42

me, the response I always

3:45

get is, oh, you're not

3:47

at all, like, I thought you

3:50

were going to be. And I

3:52

always think, well, what did

3:54

you think I was going

3:57

to be? You know, it'd be

3:59

nice for people maybe get to

4:01

know the real me. Yes. Yes. Yes.

4:03

This is the space for it.

4:05

Yeah. Right. So in order to

4:07

really get to know you, can

4:09

we go back to childhood?

4:12

Yeah. I'm so fascinated about

4:14

not just where you grew

4:16

up, but how you grew up.

4:18

So when you think about your

4:21

childhood, how would you describe

4:23

it? My childhood. I'd

4:25

like to say it was

4:27

just like any regular. childhood,

4:30

you know, it was

4:32

me, three siblings, had a

4:35

mom and a dad, but

4:37

at times it was

4:39

troubling. I don't feel like

4:42

I can say that I

4:44

had everything set out

4:46

for me and everything

4:49

was okay and I

4:51

was secure as a

4:53

child because I wasn't. I

4:55

grew up in... a council house

4:58

on a councilor state and not

5:00

always is that a negative thing.

5:02

True. I made lots of friends

5:04

on that councilor state. We all

5:06

looked after each other. If you

5:08

never needed anything you could just

5:11

pop two doors down and say

5:13

mom's run out of sugar can

5:15

we have some sugar and

5:17

everyone would help each other out.

5:19

But at the same time I did grow

5:21

up around things that I feel now

5:23

as an adult and as a mother.

5:25

children probably shouldn't

5:28

ever be exposed to. I

5:30

have spoken about it before and

5:32

I don't know whether it would make,

5:35

you know, my parents feel

5:37

uncomfortable, they speak about it,

5:39

so I want to touch on it

5:41

too much, but I did deal with

5:43

my dad not being around for

5:45

long periods of time due to

5:48

being put in prison and watching

5:50

my mum have to struggle

5:52

to bring us children up. It

5:54

was tough. And I also

5:57

felt embarrassed. Yeah. There's

5:59

a child. just knowing that

6:01

I had to explain why

6:03

my dad wasn't at

6:05

home because he was in

6:07

jail but that was a

6:09

period of his life that

6:11

he's lived through and I

6:14

also understand now as

6:16

an adult that people

6:18

can become better people.

6:20

Yes. My dad did his time

6:23

for whatever he did. He

6:25

was a great dad though like

6:27

he only ever showed me

6:29

love and affection and

6:32

I hold no grudge at

6:34

all to my father and

6:36

the relationship I

6:38

have with my

6:40

parents today incredible

6:42

absolutely incredible

6:45

and his

6:47

grandparents oh yes how

6:49

do you believe that any

6:51

of what was happening

6:53

shapes you as an adult

6:56

I think that was the

6:58

beginning of me forming

7:00

a thick skin and learning

7:03

how to either hide those

7:05

emotions or try and

7:07

deal with them by myself,

7:09

which makes me really sad

7:11

because I don't feel like

7:14

any child should have to feel

7:16

that they have to take on

7:18

all that stress and

7:21

embarrassment and have to

7:23

deal with it alone. But

7:25

I do feel like it did shape

7:28

me. Looking forward to

7:30

my career, it almost was

7:32

like a glimpse into what

7:34

I was going to feel like

7:36

leading on into adulthood.

7:39

But at the same time, all

7:41

of these things that happened

7:44

to me, I am fully

7:46

aware that they're just part

7:48

of the journey and sometimes

7:50

having that struggle

7:52

makes you a better person.

7:55

a decent person

7:57

and I think

7:59

as a I've gone through this

8:01

long, everything, the glitz and

8:03

the glamour, be a nice,

8:06

genuine, decent human being.

8:08

Yes. That's number one for

8:10

me. Yes. You know, so

8:12

insightful too that you talked about

8:14

how that made you emotionally have

8:17

to manage yourself, right? It made

8:19

you a bit distant. Yeah. you

8:21

know, not to label you this,

8:24

but those are characteristics of someone

8:26

with an avoidant attachment. That's me.

8:28

That was you. Okay. That was

8:30

me. And what's so interesting to

8:33

me about avoidant people who are

8:35

avoidant is, is yes, you're dealing

8:37

with those issues, but at the same time, a

8:40

lot of, I would say most of

8:42

the CEOs, overly successful people,

8:44

are avoidance. Yeah. And it's because of

8:46

this idea that, you know what. I

8:48

have to take on the world

8:51

and it's only me. It's me

8:53

against the world. And I can

8:55

do it. Yes. Yes, exactly

8:57

that. And I think a lot of

9:00

me does that now. I have a

9:02

box in my mind. I put all

9:04

of the bad stuff in the

9:06

box. We lock it away because

9:08

we've got stuff to do. Yep.

9:10

I can see it already. I can

9:13

see it. And you're like, yeah, it's

9:15

me against the world. And I'm going

9:17

to win. I'm going to win. I'm going

9:19

to make it happen. No matter what

9:21

you're going to throw at me, I'm

9:23

going to bad it away, and I'm

9:25

going to carry on. Yes. All right.

9:28

So this is interesting. These are things

9:30

I didn't know about you. This is

9:32

good. Can we talk about you being

9:34

part of the Roma community? Yeah. is so

9:36

incredibly interesting because I don't feel

9:39

as if we have a large

9:41

percentage of people in the Roma

9:44

community in the United States. And

9:46

from my research I saw, is

9:48

it Romani, is that how you

9:51

pronounce it, Romani? Is one of

9:53

the largest ethnic communities in Europe,

9:55

one of the largest in Europe. So

9:58

to you, what does that mean? to

10:00

be a part of

10:02

that community and exactly

10:05

what is that community?

10:07

Well, so I am what you

10:09

would say half of a

10:11

traveler and my mom is

10:14

from that community, my dad

10:16

is not. Now that

10:18

in itself is a big

10:20

thing. That was a massive

10:23

thing because it's not

10:25

usual for a traveler

10:27

or gypsy to... marry

10:30

someone who is not. Yeah,

10:32

and I'm sorry, just to

10:34

ask you that too, are

10:36

those terms, is it, politically

10:39

correct? I don't know now, is

10:41

it? It is, okay, okay. Yeah, you

10:43

can be a gypsy or

10:46

a traveler, yeah, that's absolutely

10:48

correct. You know, I think

10:50

growing up as a child,

10:52

one of the things that

10:55

we would face was the

10:57

use of other words. put

10:59

us down, make us feel like

11:02

dirt. I remember being

11:04

in school and people

11:06

saying like, I hate to say

11:08

it, but they'd call you

11:10

a pike. And that was just

11:12

like a dagger, straight to

11:15

the gut, because you knew

11:17

it was coming from this

11:19

horrible, mean place. But

11:21

they also were children.

11:24

So you have to think

11:26

where did that come from?

11:28

For a child to be

11:30

like that towards another child,

11:32

you have to think where

11:34

that energy comes from.

11:37

And often it would come

11:39

from parents, adults,

11:41

and we still do suffer

11:44

that stigma in the UK

11:46

today. Yes. There is this...

11:49

This this thing

11:51

this thing still

11:53

around Roma travelers

11:56

gypsy community Where

11:58

we are viewed And as

12:00

a whole, as not decent

12:03

people, not true.

12:05

Some statistics that

12:07

are startling here,

12:10

47% of Roma

12:12

people in England

12:14

have experienced some

12:16

form of ethnic

12:18

assault. 35% of

12:20

those were physically

12:22

attacked. And in

12:24

the United Kingdom,

12:26

200,000 Romani. exist,

12:29

200,000. So it's a massive population.

12:31

So how, at what point do

12:33

you begin to, I mean, ethnicity

12:35

and race? A lot of people

12:38

don't know this, right? But this

12:40

is my interpretation is that race

12:42

is typically physical characteristics,

12:45

whereas ethnicity or

12:47

cultural characteristics. What do

12:49

you do as a culture? So at what

12:52

point do you begin to see, wow, you

12:54

know, as Roma, I am different and

12:56

these are the things

12:58

that said I do. I do.

13:00

Of course, I think a big

13:03

thing for me in this

13:05

culture is that we are

13:07

so strong on family. Family

13:10

sticking together no

13:12

matter what. And often

13:15

in this community children

13:17

don't leave. So we tend

13:20

to stay. with our parents,

13:22

whether that be moving on

13:24

the same land, or maybe

13:26

if you've moved into houses,

13:28

you move on the same

13:30

street, you stay close. So

13:32

growing up, on that street that

13:34

I lived on, I had one

13:36

uncle next door, my other

13:39

uncle and his wife was

13:41

two doors down, my Nan

13:43

lived down the street, same

13:45

street, and then the other

13:47

uncle lived just around the

13:49

corner. We stuck together.

13:51

We just grouped together, stuck

13:53

together and we helped

13:56

each other. It's almost like

13:58

your own little... village

14:00

of family and I think

14:03

that's something that's

14:05

really stuck with me

14:07

because there's something in

14:09

me that draws me to be

14:12

with my parents. Yes,

14:14

yes. Now it's the

14:16

traveling community so is

14:18

literally the community travels.

14:20

Right, right. So when

14:22

you were born, first

14:24

year. You were in a wagon

14:26

the first year, right? So I

14:29

don't really know much about early

14:31

childhood for me. I think a

14:33

lot of times, I don't know

14:35

whether my parents struggled to

14:38

talk to me about when I was

14:40

an infant. I don't know whether

14:42

there was a lot going on

14:44

for them at that time, mentally,

14:47

and their situations. I don't think

14:49

they had an easy time though,

14:51

but I do have really fond

14:54

memories. of traveling all around the UK. You do.

14:56

With other family members. And I've got cousins that I love,

14:58

and I love to spend time with, that still do live

15:00

in trailers, what people in the UK would call caravans.

15:02

And honestly, if you could meet my family and

15:04

understand them and their culture and their culture and

15:06

their culture in how they're culture and how they're

15:08

culture and how they're culture and how they're culture

15:11

in how they're culture and how they're culture in

15:13

how they're culture in how they're culture and how they're

15:15

culture in how they're culture in how they're culture

15:17

in how they're culture in how they're culture in

15:19

how they're culture in how they're culture in how

15:21

they're culture in how they're culture in how they're

15:23

culture in how they're I think it would change

15:26

your perspective on Roma

15:28

or travellers, gypsies. It would

15:30

totally change your perspective. Unfortunately,

15:32

I feel like the UK

15:35

media has done nothing but

15:37

damage for the community.

15:39

Okay. I really do. Okay. When

15:42

you say change the perspective for

15:44

me, I'm being introduced. Yes. So

15:46

I'm brand new. So to me,

15:49

this sounds cool. Traveling around being

15:51

talking about. With grandma and everyone.

15:54

What do you believe the perception

15:56

is and how has the

15:59

media helped? to create

16:01

a negative stigma?

16:03

So for me, I feel like

16:05

different TV shows such

16:07

as My Big Fat

16:09

Gypsy Wedding. TV

16:11

shows like that, I think

16:14

it's impacted negatively.

16:17

They were reality TV

16:19

shows and of course

16:21

they're trying to

16:23

be as shocking as

16:25

possible. But what I feel...

16:28

people didn't understand is

16:30

that that was only

16:33

a proportion a small

16:35

proportion of a community

16:38

okay so to base your you

16:40

know your belief of what

16:42

a community is like

16:44

on just a very small

16:47

group of people isn't cut

16:49

in it right it doesn't

16:51

work growing up with family

16:54

what at what point

16:56

does becoming a singer your

16:58

mind, especially as a

17:01

career. So for me growing

17:03

up, my family,

17:05

they've done it to all

17:07

four of us children. It's

17:10

constant boosts of

17:12

support. You are going

17:14

to be a star. You

17:17

are going to do big

17:19

things, even though my mom

17:21

and dad had barely anything.

17:23

We were not well off,

17:26

like things were tough. but both

17:28

my parents would always say to

17:30

all four of us children, whatever

17:32

you want to do, you're going

17:34

to do it. You're just going

17:36

to do it. So I already

17:38

had that sense of, you know, of

17:40

course I'm going to do it, no matter

17:42

what. But then on the other

17:44

hand, I also had grandparents on

17:47

my dad's side that was supporting

17:49

me in terms of, oh, you want

17:51

to take singing lessons? Fine, let's

17:53

go do some singing lessons. So at

17:55

like the age of nine. I

17:58

started going to meet. up

18:00

with this singing coach who taught me how

18:02

to sing when I was singing country. Were

18:04

you? I was a singing pop music, I

18:06

was singing country. Okay. Because I

18:08

grew up around that music. But I

18:11

think the biggest thing is having that

18:13

family to spur you on and have that

18:15

belief. Yes. It just made me want to

18:17

do it. But as a hobby at that

18:19

point, right? Or were you thinking I'm going

18:21

to make a career out of this? Well,

18:23

yeah, from the very beginning. It's so

18:25

funny now because I have a daughter

18:27

and at her daughter and at her age.

18:30

I was saying to people in their

18:32

face, I'm going to be a pop

18:34

star. Really? So what age is

18:36

that that you're saying this? I

18:38

was like six years old. Six

18:40

years old. I'm going to be

18:42

a singer. But shea, what do you

18:45

think inspired you to know I'm going

18:47

to be a pop star? I just

18:49

think it was ingrained in me

18:51

because when I would sing, I

18:53

detached from the world, that's

18:55

the only way I can describe

18:58

it. It does something to me.

19:00

Like, it's like a high when I sing.

19:02

And I think from being really,

19:04

really young and living through some

19:06

of the stuff I had to live

19:09

through, I take myself off to

19:11

my bedroom and I had this

19:13

little karaoke machine and

19:15

I put the karaoke machine

19:17

on it. I'd sing and I truly

19:20

believe in my mind that I was

19:22

on this big stage and everyone

19:24

was there because they wanted

19:26

to watch me. And my

19:28

mind would just go away. It

19:31

would just drift off. It was

19:33

bliss. It was your safe

19:35

space. Totally. Because I

19:37

couldn't speak to anyone. I

19:39

didn't know how to speak to people

19:42

and tell them how I was

19:44

feeling. So that was definitely, that

19:47

was my runaway. Because

19:49

you're runaway. At this young

19:51

age, even, you know, going

19:54

into adolescence before X factor.

19:56

You had family. Did

19:59

you have... any friends

20:01

outside of family? Not

20:03

really. It's, you know, it's

20:05

one of those things where

20:08

even just before the

20:10

show and I was still at

20:12

high school and just before

20:14

I went on to the

20:17

X-Factor, I lived quite close

20:19

to the school. So on

20:21

break times and our lunch

20:24

break, I used to go

20:26

home and I'd sing. Straight

20:28

back to that carrier machine,

20:30

and I'd sing. And my mom

20:32

would even tell people now, because

20:35

they will not believe her. Yes,

20:37

even on her school break,

20:39

she'd come back, she'd practice.

20:42

That's incredible. Yeah, that's all

20:44

I did. So at that point,

20:46

your focus is the focus I'm

20:48

practicing because I'm... I'm going to

20:50

be. I'm going to be somebody.

20:52

Yeah. What did the people at

20:54

school think? I think some

20:57

people thought I was crazy.

20:59

I really do. I remember

21:01

having this like argument with

21:03

the teacher because academically

21:06

I was not good.

21:08

I was not good. My

21:10

concentration was bad. I had

21:12

a bad attitude. I didn't

21:14

want to conform to being

21:17

in a school. I didn't like

21:19

that routine, you know, sit

21:21

down, learn, wear this uniform.

21:23

Read this book. I didn't like

21:26

it. So I had a bit of a

21:28

discussion with a teacher once

21:30

because she wanted me to

21:32

do something I didn't want

21:34

to do and she said to me, you're

21:37

going to end up being nothing.

21:39

If you don't do this

21:41

work, you're not going to

21:43

amount to anything. And I turned

21:45

straight to her and I said, I'm

21:47

going to be a star. And she

21:50

laughed at me. She laughed

21:52

at me and you know rightly so

21:54

I was a bratty teenager You know

21:56

I didn't want to conform I said I

21:58

was going to be a star But yeah, she

22:00

just, she didn't believe. But

22:03

I knew she didn't believe, but

22:05

it still did not affect me

22:07

in the slightest. I just had

22:09

this goal, this vision in my

22:12

mind, and nothing was going to

22:14

stop me. What do you

22:16

believe, especially reflecting back now?

22:19

This is helpful for so

22:21

many people who doubt themselves. It

22:23

feels like at that age, you're

22:26

what, what, 14, 15? 15? 15, 16.

22:28

So at that age... You had no doubt

22:30

in age where we have perhaps

22:32

even more doubts, right? Yeah.

22:34

What do you believe it

22:36

was about you, about the

22:38

environment, about what you were

22:40

seeing, breathing, eating, that allowed

22:42

you to have no doubt that

22:44

you were going to be this thing

22:47

over here, which was a pop star?

22:49

I think because I saw so

22:51

many other people in my life

22:53

not get to be somebody, and

22:55

that's a sad thing to

22:57

say. because all those people, my

23:00

family, have such amazing qualities, but

23:02

I do understand that my mother

23:04

didn't get to live out her dream.

23:07

My mom wanted to be a

23:09

dancer. She didn't get to do it.

23:11

You know, I'm sure that lots of

23:13

other people in my extended family

23:15

had dreams that they wanted to

23:17

achieve and they didn't get to

23:19

do it. I think having

23:21

that in my mind and the

23:24

environment that I grew up in.

23:26

I was like, I have to

23:28

be. I have to be somebody

23:30

because if I don't, then

23:32

what is this? I don't want

23:35

this. How to do it? So you

23:37

did it. I did it. You did

23:39

it. I did it. I did it.

23:41

Every day you did it. You did

23:44

it. You did it. That's it.

23:46

We're good. Wow. So you did

23:48

it. Let's begin to talk

23:50

about how you did it.

23:52

Yes. Because this is a

23:55

story. for X factor before.

23:57

I did. You made it.

23:59

I did. I did, I was 14 years

24:01

old. I went along to the

24:03

audition and I'm pretty sure I

24:06

sang a dolly ponso. In hindsight,

24:08

that wasn't what I should have

24:10

done. I shouldn't have sang

24:12

a country soul. I didn't want

24:15

to be a country artist, but

24:17

I did feel quite a

24:19

lot of pressure from family

24:21

members because they loved when

24:23

I sang country. So yeah,

24:25

I auditioned, I didn't even

24:27

get through to see the

24:29

judges. Not even the first

24:32

round, and there's like three

24:34

before you get to see the

24:36

judges. I just, yeah, it

24:38

just didn't happen for me.

24:41

But I took that experience, went

24:43

away, and then when

24:45

they reopened the auditions

24:47

for 16 years and

24:49

over. That's when I went

24:51

back. All right, so in that

24:53

time between the first rejection and

24:56

they open up for the 16 overs

24:58

During that time you walk away thinking

25:00

I'm still going to be a pop

25:03

star Yeah, so you're like you just

25:05

got it wrong. You got it wrong. I'll

25:07

be back. I'll be back. Yeah, and I

25:09

think that stayed consistently

25:11

with me I've been knocked down a

25:14

lot of times in this career But

25:16

I always go okay That was tough,

25:18

but get back up We carry on.

25:20

Okay, so you carried on. Talk

25:23

to me about what could be

25:25

one of the most epic auditions

25:28

ever in X-Factor history. How

25:30

did it happen? Do you

25:32

know what? I used to

25:35

sing that Kerry-Hilsen song

25:37

over and over again in

25:39

my bedroom on that same

25:42

karaoke machine. I loved the

25:44

song. Like, I just, I loved

25:46

it. It didn't even cross my

25:48

mind that people would be so

25:50

surprised that a girl like me

25:52

would sing a song like that. So,

25:55

yeah, I went to that audition, my

25:57

mom took me on the train, I

25:59

remember... the train

26:01

was expensive, you know,

26:03

but she used the last

26:05

of her money to buy the

26:07

train ticket. We went

26:09

to audition and it just

26:12

felt like every step

26:14

of it was like, yeah,

26:16

you're through, you're through, you're

26:19

through, you're through. And it

26:21

just, it ran away. And

26:24

it was just shocking

26:26

to see that, oh, yeah, I'm

26:28

finally doing it. This is

26:30

the moment. This is the moment

26:32

everyone's going to know

26:34

my name. So you believed this

26:37

was your moment? I knew.

26:39

I knew from the second I got

26:41

there to that audition. I've

26:43

got this. I've got it. I

26:45

can do it. Well, now you just

26:47

said no one could believe a girl

26:49

like me would be singing a song

26:51

like this. Yeah. A girl like... you what

26:54

was what do you think what was the

26:56

impression of who you were in a song

26:58

like this what was the impression of

27:01

the song I was just this

27:03

small very small girl even slimmer

27:05

than what I am now young sometimes

27:07

I did come across quite quiet

27:09

because I was just assessing all

27:11

the time was trying to assess

27:14

my environment all the time so I'd

27:16

be quiet then when I stepped out

27:18

on that so on that stage singing

27:20

in that song singing that song is

27:22

like a full confidence

27:24

100% I'm here that's what

27:27

that song is yes and

27:29

as soon as I started singing

27:31

that song I had to become

27:33

that that's what you do you

27:35

become the song so I think it

27:38

was yeah it was surprising to see

27:40

this little thing walk out on the

27:42

stage a girl like me sing that

27:45

song sing this song now the song

27:47

the song the song the song the

27:49

song the song the song the song

27:51

the song Thank you. Superb

27:53

song selection. Soldier boy, turn

27:55

my swag on. One of

27:57

my favorites, can I say?

27:59

I was doing the research,

28:01

right, because I wasn't in the

28:04

UK at the time, so I

28:06

didn't see X factor that season,

28:08

but what I understand is it

28:11

was the most watched season, we're

28:13

talking about season 7, the most

28:16

watched season X factor history, over

28:18

14 million people in average

28:20

were watching every episode. I know, I

28:23

know, but it was the best, the

28:25

absolute best, the talent.

28:27

on that series of

28:29

The X Factor, unmatched,

28:31

unmatched, One Direction. Really?

28:34

Yeah, I mean, you have, so

28:36

with the talent, you're living

28:38

with each other, right?

28:40

Yes. So you lived

28:42

with One Direction? Yeah,

28:44

Rebecca Ferguson? Yes. Maryburn,

28:46

who I love, just

28:48

as the talent, it's

28:51

insane, like that whole

28:53

experience, mind-blowing.

28:55

It's one of those where, you know,

28:58

when you think about it's the most

29:00

popular of a franchise that continues to

29:02

be popular, but it was the

29:04

most. And I think we do

29:07

need to spend a second on

29:09

the numbers because you think in

29:11

the UK total population, depending

29:13

on who you talk to,

29:15

55, 60 million people. So basically,

29:17

you have like a quarter of

29:20

adults or more watching it, everyone

29:22

talking about it. to the point

29:24

where, that's what, 2010? 2010? 2010.

29:26

Yeah. So the point where whenever

29:28

I say your name, so what

29:30

I did is like the last

29:32

couple of days up and say,

29:34

hey, you know, Shareloid, Shareloid is

29:36

coming. If you're at Shareloid,

29:38

Unna, everyone, everyone remembers you

29:41

and they remember that moment

29:43

that you stepped on stage

29:45

and you sang that song. Yeah. When

29:47

you reflect back, you must be proud

29:50

of that moment. So proud.

29:52

like massively proud. It feels

29:54

like it's a different person,

29:56

like I don't quite know

29:59

that person. any more but

30:01

I look back as a 31 year

30:03

old mother of two I look

30:05

back a 16 year old girl

30:07

I think how did you do

30:09

that? Where did you find

30:11

the courage? Like where on

30:13

earth did you find that courage

30:16

to say I'm gonna step

30:18

out onto this stage in

30:20

front of millions of people

30:22

and I'm gonna do it

30:25

because I believe I can

30:27

do it? Sometimes

30:29

I wish I had that

30:31

same confidence as that 16

30:33

year old girl, because I

30:35

think as I've aged and I've

30:38

seen more of the world, I

30:40

think it took it from me

30:42

a little bit, which is

30:44

kind of sad. Well, well,

30:46

so looking back at 31, if

30:48

you were to go back and give

30:51

that 16 year old girl

30:53

who's about to get on

30:55

that stage and sing this

30:57

song, That's going to

30:59

change her life. What

31:02

advice would you give

31:04

her? There's so much.

31:06

There's so much advice

31:08

I'd give myself as

31:11

a 16 year old. I

31:13

think It's hard. It's

31:15

difficult because I'd love

31:18

to say that I'd tell

31:20

her to have her wits

31:22

about her and don't

31:24

be so naive. This isn't...

31:27

all about the lights and the

31:29

makeup and the cameras. There's so

31:31

much more and things will get

31:33

ugly. But you're going to

31:35

have to figure out a way to

31:38

deal with them because they're going to

31:40

happen to you whether you like it

31:42

or not. So the fact that you would

31:44

say that to me it sounds like

31:46

you're saying at 16 you didn't

31:49

realize things would get ugly? I

31:51

didn't know. Honestly, I was oblivious.

31:53

I truly believed. that going on

31:55

a show like The X Factor

31:58

was going to be just... fun.

32:00

Fun and I'm going to

32:02

get to sing which is

32:04

exactly what I wanted but

32:06

it wasn't just that. There

32:08

was so much more. So

32:10

much more. Let's let's talk

32:12

about it. What what was

32:14

happening with X factor because

32:16

you know I've done reality

32:18

TV for for so many

32:20

years now and I think

32:22

I've seen you say this

32:25

where we have to understand

32:27

that it is a singing

32:29

competition but it's also a

32:31

reality television show? Yeah, of

32:33

course. At the same time.

32:35

So let's talk about the

32:37

reality TV bit of it.

32:39

Yeah. How do you feel

32:41

as if you were portrayed

32:43

versus he you actually were?

32:45

Yeah, that's a really good

32:47

one because like you say

32:49

it's reality TV and they

32:51

have to entertain people. Unfortunately,

32:53

it's not just about the

32:55

singing. And I think... because

32:57

I did have such confidence

32:59

and was such a presence

33:01

at that time, I think

33:04

that was a gateway into

33:06

kind of giving me the

33:08

character of the villain. I

33:10

guess I was the villain

33:12

that year, which tends to

33:14

happen in reality TV. And

33:16

I'm not saying that I

33:18

was perfect because I definitely

33:20

wasn't. I think I struggled

33:22

a lot on the show

33:24

with how to deal with

33:26

this instant fame and people's

33:28

comments towards me. The negative

33:30

attention, I didn't know how

33:32

to deal with it. But

33:34

at the same time I

33:36

look back and I think,

33:38

I didn't deserve half of

33:41

the stuff that happened to

33:43

me. I definitely didn't. And

33:45

I'd feel the same if

33:47

that was my daughter. If

33:49

my daughter had to go

33:51

through what I went through,

33:53

Yes, I'd pull her from

33:55

that. You would? I'd pull

33:57

her. a million percent a

33:59

million percent let's let's talk

34:01

about the specifics to set

34:03

the record straight on this

34:05

so you acknowledge okay I

34:07

could have been better I

34:09

could have yeah so what

34:11

were the things that you

34:13

felt like you were doing

34:15

that you shouldn't have been

34:18

doing I'd constantly bite back

34:20

so if you know if

34:22

media had said bad things

34:24

about me I'd feel like

34:26

I had to defend myself.

34:28

And I had to bite

34:30

back. And also, I felt

34:32

like I'd lost all control

34:34

of my life. Absolutely everything.

34:36

From the way, but I

34:38

dress. You know, okay, you

34:40

have a stylus that styles

34:42

you. I didn't like those

34:44

clothes, but I still was

34:46

made to wear those clothes.

34:48

Is all these tiny little

34:50

micro things that just makes

34:52

a person? lose their mind.

34:55

I lost my mind on

34:57

that show. A million percent,

34:59

I lost it. And I

35:01

didn't feel like I had

35:03

anyone to turn to. No

35:05

one to talk to properly

35:07

because they were on the

35:09

show. Like could I trust

35:11

anyone? Because I'd try to

35:13

talk to other people before

35:15

and then the next day

35:17

it's in the newspaper. So

35:19

where do you go? Saying

35:25

that you lost it is

35:27

a strong statement. Yeah Could

35:29

you expand on that? I

35:31

felt like I wasn't... How

35:33

do I say it without

35:36

sounding? I felt like I

35:38

was watching myself from the

35:40

outside. Okay. And I was

35:42

watching myself like spiral. I

35:44

was spiraling. I was spiraling.

35:46

I was spiraling. I was

35:48

spiraling. I was spiraling. I

35:50

was spiraling. I was spiraling.

35:53

really really angry because all

35:55

of a sudden it wasn't

35:57

fun anymore and every time

35:59

I'd open my phone or

36:01

I'd see a newspaper it'd

36:03

be some vile thing that

36:05

someone's written about me that

36:08

isn't true and there's nothing

36:10

I can do about it

36:12

because I couldn't speak up

36:14

I couldn't correct any of

36:16

these things and then all

36:18

of a sudden it feels

36:20

like the country dislikes me

36:22

but that wasn't me that

36:25

was the character that I

36:27

was being portrayed as on

36:29

a reality TV show. Yeah,

36:31

yeah, I see it. I

36:33

see it. And then on

36:35

top of that, you have

36:37

no one to turn to.

36:39

No. No, because of course

36:42

my parents didn't know this

36:44

industry. If you're not in

36:46

this industry, you don't know

36:48

what truly goes on. No.

36:50

There were just so many

36:52

different sides to it that

36:54

I think at that age,

36:56

I wasn't ready. I definitely

36:59

wasn't ready, but then again,

37:01

would I be ready mentally

37:03

for something like that now?

37:05

I'm not sure. Or is

37:07

anyone? No, because that's the

37:09

other thing is I wasn't

37:11

the only one that went

37:13

through that. There were other

37:16

people on that show that

37:18

experienced the negative side of

37:20

it. And of course, is

37:22

show business. I know that

37:24

you take the good with

37:26

the bad. But sometimes things

37:28

got really dark for me

37:31

and I was only 16

37:33

years old. 16 years old.

37:35

What about mental health support?

37:37

I mean, I know a

37:39

lot has changed in the

37:41

industry as a reality TV

37:43

over the years. But 2010,

37:45

what type of mental health

37:48

support were you getting? There

37:50

was like a team of

37:52

people like that to support.

37:54

I was given anti-depressence while

37:56

on the show. Really? I

37:58

was 16. and I was

38:00

prescribed anti-depressance while on the

38:02

show. I thought that was

38:05

the norm. I guess this

38:07

is showbiz. So you just

38:09

take them? I, I, yeah,

38:11

I felt like I had

38:13

to because I was it

38:15

going to get better? Was

38:17

it going to stop? I

38:19

didn't know. Goodness. You know,

38:22

so you have the issues

38:24

that you're dealing with in

38:26

terms of the press. But

38:28

also, from what I understand

38:30

and read, there were challenges

38:32

with the judges. Right, yes.

38:34

As well. Yeah, I think,

38:37

because I'd been giving this

38:39

sort of character on the

38:41

TV show, it made it

38:43

easy for people to jump

38:45

on the bandwagon, because that

38:47

happens, right? You know, once

38:49

people start talking negatively about

38:51

a person, it enables other

38:54

people to chime in. And

38:56

that often happened with me.

38:58

And of course it makes

39:00

for great television. So yeah,

39:02

I butted heads with judges

39:04

on the show. More so

39:06

when I left the show,

39:08

especially as I'm older now

39:11

and I'm wiser, I don't

39:13

let people speak to me

39:15

that way anymore. I don't

39:17

stand for it. So on

39:19

the show though, because it's

39:21

interesting when you think about

39:23

a show like that, the

39:25

judge, they're judges, but at

39:28

the same time I think...

39:30

At least I feel like

39:32

they're presented as mentors. Yeah,

39:34

that's right. So they're presented

39:36

as, okay, I'm going to

39:38

support you and I'm going

39:40

to carry you through this

39:42

journey that you're on. Did

39:45

you feel like they were

39:47

mentors or something else? It's

39:49

really tricky. It's a hard

39:51

one because, you know, it's

39:53

reality TV. There's always some

39:55

type of fakery when it

39:57

comes to reality TV. Facts.

40:00

Dinner! It happens! At the

40:02

same time, what I will

40:04

say is... when I was

40:06

on the show, Cheryl was

40:08

nothing but good to me.

40:10

And I had this feeling

40:12

like she knew. She knew

40:14

and she'd always ask me

40:17

if I was okay. Really?

40:19

But I knew that she

40:21

meant it. I knew that

40:23

when she said it, she

40:25

was actually saying, are you

40:27

okay? Yes. But

40:29

everything else around I just

40:32

felt like it was just

40:34

for the show So me

40:36

personally being in the mental

40:38

state that I was in

40:40

I didn't feel like I

40:42

was taken care of if

40:44

anything people just put fuel

40:46

on the fire. What was

40:48

the the intention right was

40:50

the intention? Okay, it's a

40:52

show. So it was like

40:54

we're going to play up

40:56

this villain angle Was it

40:58

to turn you into the

41:00

actual villain? I mean, what

41:02

do you think it was?

41:04

I do not know but

41:06

one thing that always blows

41:08

my mind is that the

41:11

whole purpose of this show

41:13

is to sign a record

41:15

deal to then go on

41:17

and make records. Yes. For

41:19

a certain label attached to

41:21

the X factor. Yes. Why

41:23

make someone a villain? when

41:25

you have the potential to

41:27

grow that artist, to release

41:29

records, make loads of money

41:31

and profit from that artist.

41:33

Why stop them in their

41:35

tracks when they're just getting

41:37

started? That blows my mind

41:39

now, because I'm like, oh,

41:41

so for the TV show,

41:43

I was, you know, depicted

41:45

as this character, but yet,

41:47

once I leave this show,

41:50

you're going to sign me...

41:52

And you want me to

41:54

carry on releasing music, but

41:56

you'll turn in the public

41:58

against me. How am I

42:00

going to do that? And

42:02

how is that going to

42:04

benefit you either? Right. That

42:06

doesn't make any sense. Right.

42:08

And so that's what you

42:10

felt. You felt like, okay,

42:12

the public is against me.

42:14

Yes, but the problem with

42:16

me is that I never

42:18

give up. It doesn't matter

42:20

if I'm on the ground

42:22

and I've got nothing left.

42:24

I never give up. It's

42:26

just, I think it's just

42:28

ingrained in me, just like,

42:31

to fight. Just fight until

42:33

you've, you've, you know. until

42:35

you're being, does it? Is

42:37

that, do you feel like

42:39

you were fighting with some

42:41

of the judges in there

42:43

too? Like, the relationship with,

42:45

as I looked at it,

42:47

right, it's like the relationship

42:49

with Simon seems to be,

42:51

you know, good and solid

42:53

and, you know, you listen,

42:55

right? With Cheryl, that was

42:57

interesting. I didn't realize that

42:59

in terms of this tight

43:01

connection, it feels like that

43:03

type connection for what you're

43:05

saying. with Louis. We just

43:07

butted heads. We really did.

43:10

He didn't get me and

43:12

that's fine because not everyone

43:14

is going to like me.

43:16

I know I'm cool with

43:18

that. We all deal with

43:20

that, don't we? Not everyone

43:22

is going to connect with

43:24

you. That's fine. But he

43:26

just took a disliking to

43:28

me, but it was strong.

43:30

And looking back on it,

43:32

that's kind of weird. So

43:34

do you think it was

43:36

an actual disliking of you

43:38

or a disliking of the

43:40

villain character that they're presenting?

43:42

Perhaps, but also people like

43:44

to jump on the bandwagon

43:46

because, you know, they want

43:49

to be involved in that

43:51

narrative. And I think he's

43:53

known for doing that on

43:55

several occasions, jumping on the

43:57

bandwagon. Fair, fair. And there

43:59

was another judge in there.

44:01

Is it? Natalie? Was it

44:03

right? Yeah, so what was

44:05

a relationship like with Natalie?

44:07

Um, so she was there

44:09

for my first audition and

44:11

she's absolutely lovely. I didn't

44:13

really get to speak to

44:15

her. It's reality TV. Sometimes

44:17

it looks like you have

44:19

this relationship. They can make

44:21

it look like you're really

44:23

collaborating together, but that's just

44:25

not the case. Wow, okay.

44:27

Magic of TV? Magic. Magic

44:30

of TV. So what was

44:32

it like living with some

44:34

of those artists? I mean,

44:36

obviously, Liam Payne's been all

44:38

over the news. Yeah. Saw

44:40

that you had a very

44:42

touching post on Instagram. What

44:44

was it like living with

44:46

him, and especially One Direction,

44:48

who went on to do,

44:50

you know, phenomenal, phenomenal things?

44:52

Yeah. I just want to

44:54

say, like, one direction, having

44:56

my journey. with them, I

44:58

think really helped me. Honestly,

45:00

I've never met such caring,

45:02

lovely guys and young, they

45:04

were young, same as me,

45:06

but they were all such

45:09

good people, no ego, decent

45:11

people, who loved to sing

45:13

as much as I did,

45:15

and that's... One of the

45:17

biggest things that I'd love

45:19

to share about Liam, he

45:21

sung from his heart and

45:23

it was a gift. Liam

45:25

had a gift and I

45:27

just think I'll always remember

45:29

that about him. There was

45:31

no one quite like him.

45:33

Wow. Yeah. You know, when

45:35

I think back to you

45:37

just saying, you know, I

45:39

had... really didn't have anyone

45:41

to talk to it sounds

45:43

like but you had them

45:45

like that was pretty much

45:48

all you had yeah you

45:50

know yeah to to lean

45:52

on. And we did have

45:54

loads of discussion when it

45:56

came to things that were

45:58

happening in the moment. We

46:00

were very close in it.

46:02

It was like this little

46:04

family and we had such

46:06

fun. Like, oh, we'd get

46:08

into the back of Addison

46:10

Rouge in taxis and we'd

46:12

be like chased by paparazzi

46:14

and we all thought it

46:16

was the funniest thing in

46:18

the world. We would just

46:20

be laughing and then, you

46:22

know... I remember lots of

46:24

time Zane would put on

46:26

a song on his phone

46:29

and we'd be singing along

46:31

to the song and like

46:33

it was almost like we

46:35

had this like duo going

46:37

on and yeah just so

46:39

many good memories cooking together

46:41

listening to music playing games

46:43

like a kid should be

46:45

having fun. Yes. Those moments.

46:47

Those are the good memories.

46:49

Those are the good ones.

46:51

So that was almost they

46:53

became your family. Yeah. Yeah,

46:55

like a little X factor

46:57

family. Yes. Yeah, it was

46:59

it was lovely. Yeah, I

47:01

could see I could see

47:03

you light up, you know,

47:05

talking about it. It just

47:08

it makes me remember all

47:10

the good points. I thought

47:12

being on the show. It

47:14

wasn't all dark. It really

47:16

wasn't. But getting to be

47:18

with people my age as

47:20

well. I hadn't ever left

47:22

my small town. Like and

47:24

then all of a sudden

47:26

I'm in London. I've met

47:28

all of these new interests

47:30

and cool people and I'm

47:32

getting to know them and

47:34

literally having the best time

47:36

of my life. Some of

47:38

the best memories of when

47:40

we weren't filming and we

47:42

were just hanging out. What

47:44

about the competitive aspect because

47:47

you're also competing with them?

47:49

But yet it seems like...

47:51

their families. It wasn't there.

47:53

Okay. It wasn't there, you

47:55

know. Like, okay, we'd have

47:57

to show them. live show

47:59

and then it gets the

48:01

results part and quite honestly

48:03

we were all upset that

48:05

one of us was going

48:07

to go it was more

48:09

like that feeling not like

48:11

I really want to get

48:13

through we had none of

48:15

that energy none of that

48:17

energy it was like oh

48:19

I hope so-and-soam's going to

48:21

be okay if they get

48:23

voted out because you just

48:25

form this friendship And

48:28

yeah, the competitive thing, it

48:30

wasn't really a thing. It

48:33

wasn't a thing, that's interesting.

48:35

Not with us, no. Yeah,

48:37

look at that. Look at

48:39

that, look at that, yeah.

48:41

I think that's lovely because

48:44

you needed that. I needed

48:46

it. And you know, I

48:48

hate to think what happens

48:50

without that, like would you

48:52

have even stayed without having

48:55

some level of support like

48:57

that? Yeah. it got really

48:59

dark sometimes and people would

49:01

say oh did you see

49:03

what they wrote about you

49:06

today and it'd be like

49:08

the strangest things like the

49:10

strangest like I remember they'd

49:12

take photos from my social

49:14

media of before I was

49:17

on the show there was

49:19

one of like me and

49:21

my sister and all of

49:23

a sudden they've written in

49:25

the newspaper that me and

49:28

my sister were in a

49:30

relationship together. Like that we

49:32

weren't, that she wasn't my

49:34

sister, she was someone I

49:36

was in a relationship with.

49:39

Just very, very odd, like

49:41

plucking things out of nowhere.

49:43

Once I was making a

49:45

cup of tea at the

49:47

ITB studios. And I'm really

49:50

expressive when I talk. I

49:52

talk with my hands and

49:54

a researcher asked me a

49:56

question. and I turned around

49:58

to her and I had

50:01

the spoon in my hand.

50:03

I just stirred the tea

50:05

and I... I'm speaking back

50:07

and I've got this spoon.

50:09

The next day, I'm in

50:12

the paper, they've made it

50:14

look like I've hurt her

50:16

with the spoon. Made it

50:18

look like I burnt this

50:20

lady with this spoon. I

50:23

was like, how can I

50:25

win? How can I? Was

50:27

anyone else getting the same

50:29

type of coverage? I'm not

50:31

sure, you know. Very selfishly.

50:34

I was just focused on

50:36

myself. You know. Fair enough

50:38

yet. I was living it.

50:40

I was focused on trying

50:42

to avoid the backlash of

50:45

like, oh please not another

50:47

thing. Yes. I wasn't too

50:49

focused on anyone else. I

50:51

think maybe Wagner got a

50:53

few negative things said, but

50:56

nothing was quite like. What

50:58

you got? The tone. The

51:00

tone was like the vibe

51:02

was off. It was really

51:04

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51:24

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next connection might lead. One

53:10

of the most powerful pieces

53:12

that I believe people thought

53:14

that you did and even

53:16

from me watching I thought

53:18

as well was when you

53:21

saying stay. Yeah. Now why

53:23

was that so important? Yeah

53:25

that was hugely important for

53:27

me because only a few

53:29

days before that performance I

53:32

lost my uncle. My uncle

53:34

passed away while I was

53:36

on the show. And one

53:38

really dark memory I have

53:40

about that is that... Sorry.

53:43

Is fair. You

53:50

know what share you know

53:52

what and there's their tissues

53:54

there if you like it

53:57

you know what I think

53:59

the the the beauty of

54:01

a of a cries is

54:03

that the The beauty of

54:06

the cry is you're just

54:08

releasing the emotion. You know?

54:10

My biggest problem is that

54:12

I've always pushed things back

54:15

and I say to myself,

54:17

I'll deal with that another

54:19

time. But then I never

54:22

do. Yeah. Until it hits

54:24

me. And I'm like, where's

54:26

this come from? I don't

54:28

normally cry. going back to

54:31

why it's so good to

54:33

release, is that I suspect

54:35

that you spend your life

54:37

taking care of everyone around

54:40

you. I do. Yeah, I

54:42

definitely do. And today is

54:44

for us to take care

54:47

of you. You know? Yeah.

54:49

And this emotion that you're

54:51

feeling connected to this song,

54:53

and I want to talk

54:56

about what I saw on

54:58

this on this. What I

55:00

was, one is it was

55:02

beautiful. Thank you. I truly

55:05

believe you have one of

55:07

the most just angelic voices

55:09

that I've heard. Thank you.

55:11

I love it. I love

55:14

it. At the very end

55:16

of that soul, I see

55:18

that you are holding back

55:21

emotion. The camera kind of

55:23

turns, but you could see,

55:25

it feels like you're letting

55:27

it go. What was going

55:30

on for you? So at

55:32

that time, a couple of

55:34

days before that performance, one

55:36

of the researchers came into

55:39

the house and said to

55:41

me, are we going to

55:43

take you back home to

55:46

do some filming of like

55:48

you at home for the

55:50

show? I was excited. Like

55:52

I've got to be honest

55:55

I was thinking I haven't

55:57

seen my family in weeks.

55:59

to go home and film.

56:01

So I was put on a

56:04

train with this researcher. It's

56:06

a three-hour train

56:08

journey. She left me at

56:10

the station in Malvern

56:13

and then when I got off

56:15

the train there was no

56:17

camera crew and I was

56:19

like we're not filming. I

56:22

don't understand. Then

56:24

I got off the train and

56:26

my dad was there. and

56:28

he said I'm really sorry. But

56:31

he's gone. And I just

56:33

remember feeling angry that

56:35

they made me sit on a train.

56:37

Why did you make me sit on

56:39

a train for three hours and tell

56:42

me that I was going out

56:44

to film to be left at

56:46

a train station and told

56:48

that my uncle had died

56:50

and that it's going to be

56:52

in the paper in the morning

56:54

and I felt really horrible

56:57

because... My uncle

56:59

has got kids. And

57:01

if it wasn't for me,

57:03

then it wouldn't be in

57:06

the paper tomorrow. And

57:08

I'm really sorry. I'm sorry

57:10

that, because I chose to

57:13

do the fame thing. I'm sorry

57:15

they didn't get their

57:17

privacy, because that was

57:19

my fault. And I feel

57:22

really sorry about that. Yeah.

57:24

You hold this with you

57:26

to this day. Yeah, but

57:28

Shera, I have

57:31

to tell you to

57:33

have things written

57:36

about their father

57:38

in national

57:41

newspapers just

57:43

because I

57:46

decided to be

57:48

a singer. It's those

57:51

parts of my

57:53

job that hurt.

57:55

You didn't write those

57:57

things I know I know you were

58:00

16. Yeah. Those were adults

58:02

that chose to write about

58:05

those things. And they

58:07

chose to steal that

58:09

moment. They chose it.

58:11

That was not you making

58:14

that choice. No. But

58:16

I always think to

58:18

myself, if I hadn't

58:20

have chose to do

58:22

this, to put myself

58:24

forward, maybe it

58:26

would have been different.

58:29

four people that I love?

58:32

Maybe they wouldn't have

58:34

felt hurt watching me go

58:36

through all of it? But I

58:38

can't live my life for others.

58:40

No. I can't. No. You have to

58:42

live your life considering

58:45

others, considering everyone

58:47

that you love? Yeah. But

58:49

at the same time you have

58:52

to live life pursuing your

58:54

passions and the talents

58:56

that you were blessed with.

58:58

Absolutely. I wish I could

59:01

sing half as good as you. You

59:03

know, actually just a quarter

59:05

of it. And you know what's

59:07

terrible here? To me, it seems

59:09

like when you left X factor,

59:12

it just got worse. Yeah. You know,

59:14

it just, just, just,

59:16

just, just exacerbated. At

59:18

that time, what's next? What,

59:20

what, what, what immediately happens?

59:23

Because your fourth? Yeah. Everyone

59:25

in the UK knows you. Many people

59:28

in Europe and the states etc. So

59:30

the world is beginning to know Sharelord. What do

59:32

you do next? So I got signed to Psycho.

59:34

Okay. And that was a deal that was probably

59:36

written in from the get-go that Psycho

59:38

then had the first choice of taking you on

59:40

as an artist. So therefore, straight off the back

59:42

of the back of the back of the back of taking

59:45

you on as an artist. So therefore, straight off

59:47

the back of the back of the back of the

59:49

back of the back of the back of the back of

59:51

the back of the back of the back of the

59:53

back of the back of the back of the back

59:55

of the back of the back of the show. side

59:57

to cycle. I then go and I

59:59

write a record and I

1:00:01

write this album and to

1:00:03

be honest a lot of it

1:00:05

is a blur for me I don't

1:00:08

know why my mind does that

1:00:10

but I tend to lose my

1:00:13

memories a lot okay which

1:00:15

is strange probably to do

1:00:17

with all the trauma

1:00:19

of you know having

1:00:21

children and this career that's

1:00:24

just been. Some of my

1:00:26

memory is not good. But

1:00:28

yeah, lead to show I

1:00:31

don't record this record and

1:00:33

then we release the first

1:00:35

single Swagger Jagger.

1:00:37

Oh boy. Wow. Oh boy. Wow. Oh boy.

1:00:39

Oh boy. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. What, yeah.

1:00:42

What, yeah. What, what, yeah? What,

1:00:44

what, what, what do you

1:00:46

have to say about Swagger?

1:00:48

Can we talk about the

1:00:51

pros and cons? Can we

1:00:53

talk about the pros and

1:00:55

cons? One of the top

1:00:57

selling songs, can we say,

1:00:59

UK, charts in the US?

1:01:02

Yeah. Okay, so this is

1:01:04

a global hit? Right. Okay,

1:01:06

positive? Positive. Represents the tone

1:01:09

and the vibe of the

1:01:11

moment? Yeah. You captured that

1:01:14

share? Yep. You wrote that?

1:01:16

Yeah, co-wrote it? Yeah. Come

1:01:19

on now. The voice on it? Yeah.

1:01:21

How do you feel about it?

1:01:27

Remember, these are pros.

1:01:29

I mustn't laugh because of

1:01:31

course this is my song and

1:01:34

it's part of my journey. But

1:01:36

as a first song, risky

1:01:38

as a first song. Risky? It's

1:01:40

a bit risky. But that's

1:01:43

you, you know? Yeah. Bold? I

1:01:45

couldn't have been boring and

1:01:47

released a ballad or something

1:01:49

like that. I just wouldn't

1:01:51

have worked. So I just

1:01:54

feel like I just kicked

1:01:56

the door open. So those

1:01:58

are pros? Yes. What

1:02:00

are the cons? The cons

1:02:02

were that it totally

1:02:05

fit that narrative

1:02:07

that I had given

1:02:09

me on the show. So it

1:02:11

was like this gateway into,

1:02:14

you know, oh she's

1:02:16

a brat, she's this,

1:02:18

she's that, into you

1:02:20

can't stop looking at

1:02:23

me. I mean, could you

1:02:25

get more bratty than

1:02:27

that? You can't. Swagajaga

1:02:31

is so full of itself,

1:02:33

it's untrue, like it's

1:02:35

unreal, but I still feel

1:02:37

like it's such an anthem

1:02:40

and I am going to be

1:02:42

proud of that song forever

1:02:45

even though it does tend

1:02:47

to make me cringe because

1:02:50

it's not where I am

1:02:52

artistically now. Yes. So there is

1:02:54

that sense of, you know, yeah.

1:02:58

Will you ever perform that

1:03:00

song again? It has to be

1:03:02

the right moment and the

1:03:04

right vibe for me to perform

1:03:06

that song Okay, because it takes

1:03:09

a lot out of me Because

1:03:11

like I said, it's just not

1:03:13

artistically where I'm at right?

1:03:16

But it seems like the

1:03:18

the emotional connection to it is

1:03:20

that it takes you back

1:03:22

to that time it does

1:03:24

and that time the song comes

1:03:27

out but it feels like

1:03:29

you get labelled what?

1:03:31

I mean, you tell me,

1:03:33

how did you feel like

1:03:35

UK media was labelling

1:03:39

you? Just as this

1:03:41

cocky, arrogant, 16-year-old

1:03:44

that had this huge

1:03:46

chip on her shoulder,

1:03:48

part of that was

1:03:50

true. It was, and

1:03:52

be accountable for my

1:03:54

behavior. Yes. because a

1:03:57

lot of the time I

1:03:59

did have this grudge, this

1:04:01

grudge for the way that

1:04:03

I had been treated

1:04:05

and I wanted almost

1:04:08

people to move. Get out my

1:04:10

way while I chase my

1:04:12

dream because you're being

1:04:14

mean to me and it's

1:04:16

getting in my way. But I

1:04:19

also was struggling with

1:04:21

like identity at that

1:04:24

time being 16 years old.

1:04:26

I hadn't seen enough of

1:04:28

the world. I hadn't

1:04:30

had any like life experience.

1:04:33

True. Like if I was

1:04:35

to meet a 16 year old now, as

1:04:37

a 31 year old, I'd probably

1:04:39

be like, oh, they're naive,

1:04:42

aren't they? Oh, look how young

1:04:44

they are. They've not got a

1:04:46

clue what the world's like. Right.

1:04:48

But they think they do.

1:04:50

Of course. And you have

1:04:53

fame and you have popularity

1:04:55

as well. Because even though...

1:04:57

There's a lot of negative

1:05:00

attention around you. Let's face

1:05:02

it. There were more people who

1:05:04

loved you. Thank you. Thank you

1:05:07

for saying that. Because a

1:05:09

lot of time I do feel like

1:05:11

when my name comes up, that

1:05:13

negative seems to be one

1:05:15

of the first things. It's

1:05:17

like, oh, Sherloid, oh yeah,

1:05:20

people hated her. Sometimes

1:05:22

people don't even know

1:05:24

the reason why? I think it

1:05:26

was a trend. It was cool. It

1:05:28

was cool. It was cool to hate,

1:05:30

shall we? It was cool. But

1:05:32

if we can even spend a

1:05:35

moment on that, you know, and

1:05:37

even thinking about being a woman

1:05:39

in the music industry,

1:05:41

it's tough, especially then, right?

1:05:43

And I say especially then

1:05:45

because it's tough now. I think

1:05:48

what, you know, we often

1:05:50

hear people say, you know, women

1:05:52

are on the rise, like women,

1:05:55

yes, but we still live

1:05:57

in a patriarchy. and you think

1:05:59

2010. during doing research for this,

1:06:01

I went back and I looked

1:06:03

at interviews, the questions,

1:06:06

the questions, not some many of

1:06:08

the questions that you got.

1:06:10

It's like you would never have

1:06:12

received those questions if you were

1:06:14

a man. I wish I had a list of

1:06:16

the things they used to ask me

1:06:19

because they'd just be insane.

1:06:21

Yeah, I mean, what are some of them

1:06:23

that you were asked that you know

1:06:25

would never be asked today? They used

1:06:27

to ask me the most horrible...

1:06:29

Oh, questions. I never felt like

1:06:32

it was about my talent. Yeah.

1:06:34

Well, I tell you, from my

1:06:36

observation, some of the question that

1:06:38

I saw that you would get,

1:06:40

a lot was about you dating.

1:06:42

Always. Yes. Always. So it wasn't,

1:06:45

you know, what's the next album,

1:06:47

what's the next song, are you touring?

1:06:50

It is, well, who are you with?

1:06:52

Who are you seeing? Yes. You

1:06:54

know, we saw you pictured with

1:06:56

this person, are you guys hooking

1:06:58

up? I didn't care

1:07:00

about men or boys at

1:07:02

that time. I did not

1:07:04

care about men at all.

1:07:06

I was there to be a star,

1:07:08

to have an opportunity

1:07:11

to share my voice. Yeah,

1:07:13

it was always questions

1:07:16

like that towards the

1:07:18

girls. The girls, yes. And

1:07:20

it felt like there was

1:07:23

this emphasis for the

1:07:25

girls to be sexualized.

1:07:27

Hugely. And I would

1:07:30

imagine that there was

1:07:32

enormous pressure on you. Yes,

1:07:34

absolutely. Even at the tender

1:07:36

age of 16 years old. I'd

1:07:39

be dressed in outfits that

1:07:41

I don't feel were appropriate.

1:07:43

That wasn't appropriate. I've

1:07:46

always dressed a little

1:07:48

bit masculine. That's

1:07:50

just how I always like to

1:07:53

dress. I like baggy clothes.

1:07:55

You know, I... Love trainers, trunky

1:07:57

boots, I'm not much of a

1:07:59

heel. person, but some of the

1:08:02

outfits that they've put forward

1:08:04

for me to wear, I'd

1:08:06

be like, my dad will

1:08:08

go crazy if I wear

1:08:10

that. He will not be

1:08:12

happy with that. That's not

1:08:14

appropriate. I was a child.

1:08:16

But you're still being asked

1:08:18

to do it, and is

1:08:20

the thought, dressed like this,

1:08:22

Selmore albums, or dressed like

1:08:24

this? Of course. But that's

1:08:26

been that way forever, and

1:08:28

it's still around now. It's

1:08:30

still around now. I could

1:08:32

tell you the craziest stories

1:08:34

of the stuff that's been

1:08:36

said to me or the

1:08:38

things that have been taken

1:08:40

away because I refused to

1:08:42

go and hook up with

1:08:44

people. Like what? What's been

1:08:46

taken away? So I remember

1:08:48

once while I lived in

1:08:50

the US and I was

1:08:53

promoting my album in the

1:08:55

US. I walked into the

1:08:57

record label at the time

1:08:59

and they hadn't given me

1:09:01

a promotional budget. to promote

1:09:03

this album that's, you know,

1:09:05

we spent millions on this

1:09:07

album, but there's no budget

1:09:09

to go get people to

1:09:11

hear it? Right. So I

1:09:13

walk in and I say,

1:09:15

look, I really need some

1:09:17

cash to try and push

1:09:19

this record. Basically told no.

1:09:21

But what I needed to

1:09:23

do to make this record

1:09:25

take off is hit some

1:09:27

of the clubs and they'll

1:09:29

find out where Beba is.

1:09:31

and I should go try

1:09:33

to get with him. With

1:09:35

Justin Eber? Yes. Now this

1:09:37

is going back years ago.

1:09:39

Years ago. I was a

1:09:41

teenager, but I was very

1:09:43

much with my husband at

1:09:45

that time. He was even

1:09:47

stood in that office. While

1:09:49

I was told they weren't

1:09:51

going to spend any money

1:09:54

on the album, pushing the

1:09:56

album, that I was to

1:09:58

go hook up with someone

1:10:00

mega-famous. and basically leach off

1:10:02

the back of something. someone

1:10:04

else's fame, was I not

1:10:06

good enough? Was I not

1:10:08

good enough to invest in

1:10:10

that you would rather use

1:10:12

me in that way? Yeah.

1:10:14

You know, so this is

1:10:16

not, to me, it's not,

1:10:18

like, it's, one is, it's

1:10:20

super bizarre, crazy, horrendous, doesn't

1:10:22

feel far-fetched for the industry,

1:10:24

but what seems wild, is

1:10:26

your husband was in the

1:10:28

brew. They didn't care.

1:10:30

In fact, I remember me

1:10:33

and Craig were about to

1:10:35

get married and I was

1:10:37

told by people on my

1:10:39

team, do not let the

1:10:41

label know because they will

1:10:43

do anything to stop this

1:10:45

marriage. Because the way that

1:10:47

they thought about me getting

1:10:49

married is that... Once I'm

1:10:51

married I'm off the market

1:10:53

Okay I hate that I

1:10:55

hate that because I'm not

1:10:57

a singer because I want

1:10:59

to sleep around right and

1:11:02

I want to be in

1:11:04

different celebrity relationships I met

1:11:06

a guy when I was

1:11:08

17 and I'm married to

1:11:10

him now have been for

1:11:12

the last 11 years I

1:11:14

had no intention of leeching

1:11:16

on to males, male singers

1:11:18

to try and gain a

1:11:20

career. I'm not interested. Well,

1:11:22

the fact that they, like,

1:11:24

I didn't even realize that

1:11:26

they would be so direct

1:11:28

about it. I thought they

1:11:31

would just maybe set it

1:11:33

up, but they were saying,

1:11:35

go do that. Is the

1:11:37

idea, we just need to

1:11:39

get this photo of the

1:11:41

two of you, or do

1:11:43

you believe that they wanted

1:11:45

something else? They wanted you

1:11:47

to do something else. When

1:11:49

it's that typical, major label

1:11:51

vibe. I might get in

1:11:53

trouble for saying this, but

1:11:55

it's always easier to get

1:11:58

the artists to... do

1:12:00

the work and You know

1:12:02

That way then actually put

1:12:04

money forward to push an

1:12:06

album right way all right,

1:12:08

so so not to put

1:12:10

words in your mouth But

1:12:13

what I'm reading it's easier

1:12:15

For you to go have

1:12:17

relationships of course all types

1:12:19

of relationships, whatever that may

1:12:21

be and then that story

1:12:23

becomes so Yeah, and that

1:12:25

was the sentiment. That was

1:12:27

it. That was the theory

1:12:29

behind getting me to go

1:12:31

and do that. Interesting. So

1:12:33

being in the industry. So

1:12:36

this is good. I feel

1:12:38

like we're getting a peek

1:12:40

into the industry. What happens?

1:12:42

It sounds like you're saying

1:12:44

this happens. This is happening

1:12:46

and it happens over and

1:12:48

over again. Of course. I've

1:12:50

gone into labels where they

1:12:52

told me that my skirts

1:12:54

not sure enough. As a

1:12:57

teenager. Mmm. Literally a teenager.

1:12:59

You need to show a

1:13:01

little more skin. What do

1:13:03

you mean to show a

1:13:05

bit more skin? Right. That's

1:13:07

gross. We're not selling... Right.

1:13:09

I'm selling music and I'm

1:13:11

a human being. You know,

1:13:13

like I don't... That feels

1:13:15

gross. Yes. Like I said

1:13:18

to you before when I

1:13:20

think about having daughters. If

1:13:22

anyone ever suggested that to

1:13:24

one of my girls... Yeah.

1:13:26

Yeah, you'd go off? No

1:13:28

way. You'd go off? Yeah.

1:13:30

So you just mentioned that

1:13:32

you were in the US,

1:13:34

really moved there. Yeah. Why

1:13:36

the US? So what happened

1:13:39

is I was over in

1:13:41

the US writing for an

1:13:43

album and I met some

1:13:45

incredible people while I was

1:13:47

there, mainly in Los Angeles.

1:13:49

I met a lot of

1:13:51

really talented producers and songwriters.

1:13:53

And it just kept opening

1:13:55

doors for me. It happened

1:13:57

organically. We released a song

1:14:00

called Want You Back, which

1:14:02

we'd already released here in

1:14:04

the UK. It did okay,

1:14:06

but didn't move much, you

1:14:08

know. But we released in

1:14:10

the US and it just

1:14:12

took off. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah.

1:14:14

I also didn't realise it

1:14:16

wasn't methodical. This whole time

1:14:18

I thought that you had

1:14:21

calculated this. It was like...

1:14:23

We're going to build up

1:14:25

here and then go, no,

1:14:27

it was just... It just

1:14:29

happened very naturally. I can't

1:14:31

say that there was ever

1:14:33

any pressure on me to

1:14:35

try and break the US.

1:14:37

No one had had that

1:14:39

conversation with me. It just

1:14:41

happened, but it happened at

1:14:44

the perfect time for me

1:14:46

as a person. I needed

1:14:48

a break. I needed a

1:14:50

sign to tell me that

1:14:52

you can do this. This

1:14:54

is what all this hard

1:14:56

work has been for. The

1:14:58

US market did give me

1:15:00

peace. It did? That was

1:15:02

my peace. Yeah. So you

1:15:05

go to the US? Yeah.

1:15:07

And you do well in

1:15:09

the US? Yeah. So how

1:15:11

would you describe doing well?

1:15:13

I mean, for you, like,

1:15:15

because as an artist, I

1:15:17

think it's different from. So

1:15:19

my background is fine in

1:15:21

it. So I'm like, okay,

1:15:23

how much money did you

1:15:26

make in the US? Well,

1:15:28

I'm not asking you that.

1:15:30

But it's like, because you

1:15:32

did do well. So how

1:15:34

do you consider what you

1:15:36

did there to be, it

1:15:38

was good? It was the

1:15:40

energy. The energy felt different.

1:15:42

All of a sudden, everyone

1:15:44

wanted me to do well.

1:15:47

It was that feeling of

1:15:49

we're rooting for you from

1:15:51

the US. Although I felt

1:15:53

a lot of that here

1:15:55

in the UK. At times,

1:15:57

people really like, are we

1:15:59

really like you, we want

1:16:01

you to do well. But

1:16:03

I'd never quite felt it

1:16:05

on the level that I

1:16:08

did. while I was in

1:16:10

the US. Just cheerleaders. Total

1:16:12

cheerleaders. Just like, oh, we've

1:16:14

got this British girl here

1:16:16

and she's taking off. We

1:16:18

love her. We support that

1:16:20

feeling of truly being respect

1:16:22

dude as well. I loved

1:16:24

it. I loved every second

1:16:26

of it. Best years of

1:16:28

my life. Really? Yeah. You're

1:16:31

writing new music, collaborating with

1:16:33

different artists, living in Hollywood

1:16:35

at the time. Yeah, yeah.

1:16:37

Okay, what was it like

1:16:39

living in the Hollywood? Is

1:16:41

it as wild as people

1:16:43

say it is? I didn't

1:16:45

belong there. I didn't. I

1:16:47

felt alien living in Hollywood.

1:16:49

I'm going to be truthful.

1:16:52

I did. I grew up

1:16:54

on a counselor stay. Like...

1:16:57

We'd smash through people's windows

1:17:00

with footballs accidentally, you know?

1:17:02

And then I'm walking out

1:17:04

on the streets of Hollywood

1:17:07

to palm trees and everything

1:17:09

is pristine. Yes. It's a

1:17:12

different life, but I also

1:17:14

used to feel guilt. I

1:17:17

felt a lot of guilt

1:17:19

because that's not where I'm

1:17:22

from, like, my family don't

1:17:24

live like that. So it'd

1:17:27

make me feel guilty. Why?

1:17:29

I don't know. It's a

1:17:32

strange thing that I've always

1:17:34

had since I've had a

1:17:37

career and this life. Of

1:17:39

course I feel blessed, but

1:17:42

I also sometimes feel like

1:17:44

other people don't get this,

1:17:47

and I feel guilty. She

1:17:49

feels as if you were

1:17:52

worthy. I feel like someone

1:17:54

like me shouldn't have. You

1:17:57

know? I often think what

1:17:59

life would have been if

1:18:01

I didn't have this life.

1:18:04

That hit me when you

1:18:06

said that. Someone like me

1:18:09

shouldn't have this. Who's someone

1:18:11

like me? Oh, I just...

1:18:14

Yeah, where I come from

1:18:16

and... that world that... I

1:18:19

used to be in. Like,

1:18:21

what are the chances of

1:18:24

a girl like me? Ever...

1:18:27

reaching this point in my

1:18:30

career 15 years later and

1:18:32

I'm still going yes yes

1:18:34

you're in Hollywood feeling guilty

1:18:36

yeah that you're in Hollywood

1:18:38

feeling alien but yet it's

1:18:41

the best time of your

1:18:43

life yeah that's really interesting

1:18:45

to think about yeah I

1:18:47

feel like success is subjective

1:18:50

because what's successful for me,

1:18:52

you might not be success

1:18:54

for you. Yes. It was

1:18:56

because I had this sense

1:18:58

of feeling respected and I

1:19:01

felt like people were invested

1:19:03

in me as an artist.

1:19:05

That to me was true

1:19:07

success. Yes. So this reminds

1:19:09

me there's a respected. We

1:19:12

don't feel as if we

1:19:14

are an asset to it.

1:19:16

Our well-being, our mental health

1:19:18

is going to be off.

1:19:21

Yeah. And this is the

1:19:23

reason why where we work,

1:19:25

our home life, where we

1:19:27

live, why it's so important

1:19:29

for us to feel as

1:19:32

if we are conducive to

1:19:34

it. We are adding some

1:19:36

type of value to it.

1:19:38

And it feels like here

1:19:41

you were, and it's mentally

1:19:43

what then, has you come

1:19:45

back to the UK? I

1:19:47

had to come home. I

1:19:49

needed to be home. I

1:19:52

needed to be home. I

1:19:54

just felt like... as much

1:19:56

as it's been a rocky

1:19:58

road here in the UK.

1:20:00

I still want to be

1:20:03

here. I want to release

1:20:05

music here. I really want

1:20:07

to be loved by the

1:20:09

UK. I'm just being honest.

1:20:12

I do. I want to

1:20:14

be loved by my country.

1:20:16

The US was great, but

1:20:18

what I want more than

1:20:20

anything is love from my

1:20:23

own country. Do you feel

1:20:25

as if your country loves

1:20:27

you? Do you know what?

1:20:29

I feel like things have

1:20:31

turned for me. and they're

1:20:34

starting to turn because I

1:20:36

feel like people are now

1:20:38

just starting to get to

1:20:40

know me. Yes. Which has

1:20:43

felt so good. Like it's

1:20:45

refreshing for me to be

1:20:47

able to have the ability

1:20:49

to reintroduce myself. Yes. Because

1:20:51

it's been so long since

1:20:54

anyone's really heard of me.

1:20:56

And it feels good. No

1:20:58

one's controlling the narrative. I'm

1:21:00

just me. I'm just me.

1:21:03

and you're back. Yep. You're

1:21:05

back. So now that you're

1:21:07

back, what's the plan professionally?

1:21:09

Yep. So for me professionally,

1:21:11

I feel like I've been

1:21:14

held back from even being

1:21:16

able to release music. Often

1:21:18

people think that there is

1:21:20

no music and I need

1:21:22

to go and write music.

1:21:25

I've got a computer full

1:21:27

of records. Do you? I've

1:21:29

probably got about 50 songs.

1:21:31

Okay. That are like ready.

1:21:34

They could be released tomorrow.

1:21:36

But being on a major

1:21:38

label was very restrictive for

1:21:40

me. Having to go through

1:21:42

that process of getting approval

1:21:45

from multiple people and they

1:21:47

have to figure out their

1:21:49

budget and their PR and

1:21:51

this and that. We live

1:21:53

in times now. You could

1:21:56

just drop a record. You

1:21:58

could do that. You could.

1:22:00

Nothing stopping you. Nothing. We

1:22:03

have social media at

1:22:05

our fingertips. And major

1:22:07

labels lean on that more

1:22:09

than ever anyway. So

1:22:11

for me, being an

1:22:14

independent artist now and

1:22:16

having complete control

1:22:18

over everything that I do

1:22:20

is the best for me. It's

1:22:23

the best. Yes. And when

1:22:25

you're on stage, you can

1:22:27

see it. You transform. Yeah.

1:22:29

You want to say that

1:22:31

it was Taylor Swift?

1:22:34

Yes. You own that. Thank

1:22:36

you. You owned it. What a

1:22:39

moment to say that I've,

1:22:41

I've performed with Taylor

1:22:44

Swift. The Taylor Swift?

1:22:46

My daughter? Wait, wait,

1:22:48

wait, wait, wait, wait,

1:22:50

no, hold over a

1:22:53

second. Taylor Swift, she

1:22:55

performed with Sher Lloyd. Oh,

1:22:58

stop? I'm saying. I

1:23:00

just had a phone call one day. I

1:23:02

think my manager called me and

1:23:04

she was like, you're not going to

1:23:06

believe this, but Taylor's performing at

1:23:08

the Staple Centre and she wants

1:23:11

you to come on and sing

1:23:13

your song. My mind was blown.

1:23:15

Absolutely blown. And then I went

1:23:17

into this state of panic like,

1:23:19

oh! Huge arena with the Taylor

1:23:22

Swift. I'm going to be performing my

1:23:24

song with her song with her song

1:23:26

with her song with her. Like what

1:23:28

in the world is this? I loved

1:23:30

every second. She was the sweetest

1:23:32

person I think I've ever met.

1:23:35

She baked me, um, like, they

1:23:37

looked like scones, but they were

1:23:39

like American, Biscuit? A Biscuit?

1:23:41

Yeah, and when she said, oh,

1:23:43

I faked you some Biscots, I thought

1:23:45

like Biscots is in. Biscuit,

1:23:47

like cookies, like cookies, yeah. And

1:23:50

I looked them and I thought,

1:23:52

oh, they're funny looking Biscuit.

1:23:54

But how sweet of her! To take

1:23:56

time, even when she was on a

1:23:58

tour! To take time! time she baked

1:24:01

me biscuits okay were they good

1:24:03

they were they were good they were

1:24:05

good they were because I thought it

1:24:07

was going to be like a

1:24:09

traditional like cookie and it

1:24:12

wasn't but they were lovely

1:24:14

and she was just so

1:24:17

welcoming again just undeniable a

1:24:19

star a star a star yeah

1:24:21

incredible story and you know

1:24:23

why she took that time because she

1:24:26

was baking those biscuits for

1:24:28

share Lloyd It's incredible.

1:24:31

Yeah, but because of you. I

1:24:33

mean, it's important, I think, to

1:24:35

stop and love on yourself and

1:24:37

appreciate, you know, who you are

1:24:39

or what you've gone through. We

1:24:42

have to give ourselves license for

1:24:44

this. Yeah. And what I can

1:24:46

see already is that you don't

1:24:48

give yourself license to stop and

1:24:50

say, wow, look at this, look

1:24:53

at what I have done. Look

1:24:55

at where I am. Look at

1:24:57

what I am doing for myself.

1:24:59

for my family, for my community.

1:25:01

I think it's healthy to

1:25:04

stop and love on

1:25:06

yourself. Yeah, I've just

1:25:08

never been good at that.

1:25:10

I really haven't. I just,

1:25:13

I never feel or know if

1:25:15

it's good enough. Never

1:25:17

had that sense of

1:25:19

feeling like I am good

1:25:22

enough. It's just never come

1:25:24

to me. It's never come

1:25:26

to you. No. everything that

1:25:29

I've done. I self-sabotage.

1:25:31

What's something that you're

1:25:34

proud of? It could be

1:25:36

the most simple thing that

1:25:38

you did yesterday? It

1:25:40

could be something monumental.

1:25:43

What's something that you're

1:25:45

proud of? I'm a great mom.

1:25:47

I know I'm a good mom. I know

1:25:49

it. And that's the one thing

1:25:52

that I can just say

1:25:54

like that. And I think

1:25:56

it's because I'm fiercely... protective

1:25:58

of my children. And

1:26:00

us, you know, when you become

1:26:03

a parent, you have this

1:26:06

huge responsibility,

1:26:08

right? Taking care of these

1:26:10

children. You don't quite

1:26:13

realize what fiery it

1:26:15

ignites in you to

1:26:17

love and nurture. Yes.

1:26:19

And be someone's everything.

1:26:21

Yes. I am my

1:26:23

children's world. Yes. So

1:26:25

I give them the

1:26:27

worlds. Yes. I have

1:26:29

to. And, oh, it's just, having

1:26:31

kids changed me. Yes. It

1:26:33

really did. It made me

1:26:36

such a better person. Is

1:26:38

it happy? It's happy. It's

1:26:40

happiness. It's happiness.

1:26:42

It's happiness in my

1:26:44

children, yeah. You found

1:26:46

happiness in your children.

1:26:49

Yeah. So to revel in that

1:26:51

is to tap into the emotion

1:26:53

and say, I'm a proud mom.

1:26:55

And that makes me happy.

1:26:58

And just to spend a

1:27:00

moment saying, and I feel

1:27:02

happy about that, right? To

1:27:04

tap into what the emotion

1:27:06

is. It's so important for

1:27:08

us to name the things,

1:27:11

and I think that little

1:27:13

exercise helps. Yeah. Because then

1:27:15

you can say, I'm happy. So

1:27:17

here's my, I'm already going

1:27:19

to give you an exercise.

1:27:22

Every day, I want you to

1:27:24

identify three things that

1:27:26

you're proud of. something in

1:27:28

the moment. Right before we

1:27:30

started this, you did something

1:27:33

that I loved. And I was like, yeah,

1:27:35

she's a great mama. You know what

1:27:37

she did? You said, he better be

1:27:39

picking up the kids right now.

1:27:41

Was me, I'm always, look at my

1:27:43

phone, check the time, what's going on?

1:27:46

Where are my kids? Yep. All

1:27:48

right, so you're proud of that.

1:27:50

So identify three things, every day,

1:27:52

three things. And you know what

1:27:54

that is? It's a gratitude exercise. You

1:27:56

have to give yourself poor gratitude. I

1:27:59

can see that. You do. You deserve

1:28:01

it. You deserve it. Let's

1:28:03

talk about, we've already kind

1:28:06

of gone there. We kind

1:28:08

of flirted with, we flirted

1:28:10

with your husband. Flirted with

1:28:13

the topic of your husband.

1:28:15

Yeah. So you said 17,

1:28:17

you were married. Or 17.

1:28:19

I was 17 when I

1:28:22

met Craig. Met Craig at

1:28:24

17. Yeah. Married at 20.

1:28:26

Married at 20. I

1:28:30

know everyone's like wow that's

1:28:33

young yeah pop star right

1:28:35

people are out here trying

1:28:38

to get you to connect

1:28:40

with with with beaver yeah

1:28:42

what was it about Craig

1:28:45

confidence he had such confidence

1:28:47

but no arrogance but no

1:28:49

arrogance and that's what there's

1:28:52

just something about him I

1:28:54

just, I couldn't put my

1:28:57

finger on it because I'd

1:28:59

met so many different people,

1:29:01

especially just coming off of

1:29:04

a show. Everybody wants to

1:29:06

connect with you? Yes. But

1:29:09

I was in London and

1:29:11

I was getting my hair

1:29:13

done in a hair salon

1:29:16

and he worked there. And

1:29:18

I remember locking eyes with

1:29:21

him. They're thinking, he looks

1:29:23

so cheeky. It's just this

1:29:25

sort of rugged looking guy.

1:29:28

chill, really cheeky and he

1:29:30

flirted a bit and I

1:29:32

thought I like him really

1:29:35

down to earth he had

1:29:37

a thick Essex accent just

1:29:40

something about him yeah and

1:29:42

so what did you do

1:29:44

what's funny about this is

1:29:47

I left my phone number

1:29:49

at the front desk for

1:29:52

him because he'd he'd already

1:29:54

left And it just

1:29:56

so happened that he had also

1:29:58

left his number at the... front

1:30:00

desk for me. Perfect match.

1:30:03

Perfect. He felt the same way.

1:30:05

So then we did, you know, the

1:30:07

regular thing of like

1:30:09

messaging each other at the

1:30:12

time it was Blackberry messenger

1:30:14

and we blackberry messenger each

1:30:17

other for weeks until I

1:30:19

was like, I have to meet

1:30:21

this guy. And we met, we had

1:30:23

the most amazing conversations.

1:30:26

Like I felt like he

1:30:28

didn't judge me. He never

1:30:30

judged me and I don't feel

1:30:33

like he cared for the fame

1:30:35

side. I really don't. He's

1:30:37

always been like that. He

1:30:39

just wanted to know me on

1:30:42

a deeper level and that's

1:30:44

why I wanted to carry

1:30:47

on seeing him because he

1:30:49

was unfazed by it. He

1:30:51

really was. He was? Yeah.

1:30:53

You're married at 20? Yeah. Did

1:30:56

you feel as if that was

1:30:58

young or? Age played no

1:31:00

part at all. No part at

1:31:02

all. I knew that I wanted

1:31:05

to be with him. And

1:31:07

what's been consistent

1:31:09

throughout our

1:31:11

relationship is that we

1:31:13

never give up on each other.

1:31:15

No matter what comes to

1:31:17

our door, what situation we

1:31:19

have to deal with. We

1:31:22

are a team, but we

1:31:24

do not give up. And

1:31:26

it's been like that. since

1:31:28

the day we got together. Wow.

1:31:30

How old was he when you

1:31:32

were married? He was 23. 23.

1:31:34

So only three years. So he's young,

1:31:37

you know, as well. Yeah. How does

1:31:39

he, how did he manage

1:31:41

and even continue to manage

1:31:43

the attention that you were

1:31:46

getting, especially requests

1:31:48

like, I know, you know, date

1:31:50

this other guy. There was a

1:31:52

series on YouTube that I was

1:31:54

watching where... There was lots of

1:31:56

press like I think you were in

1:31:59

New York and What I distinctly remember

1:32:01

is he was holding your hand,

1:32:03

you were walking in and out

1:32:05

of buildings, right? And many people

1:32:07

were stopping you. A lot of

1:32:09

men were stopping you. And they

1:32:11

would just, Craig was holding your

1:32:13

hand, but they would just kind

1:32:15

of grab you to take the

1:32:17

photo. And he would just stand

1:32:19

to the side. But he's watching,

1:32:21

but he would stand to the

1:32:24

side respectfully. How do you think?

1:32:26

You know, how does he manage

1:32:28

all of this? And I feel

1:32:31

like that's a special, special person

1:32:33

to be able to do that.

1:32:35

A million percent. And that

1:32:37

really does sum him up,

1:32:40

is that he does step to

1:32:42

the side to let me shine.

1:32:44

And I've always respected

1:32:46

that about him, is that

1:32:48

he understands, with my

1:32:51

career, this is how it is. I'm

1:32:53

often not going to feel...

1:32:55

present for you all

1:32:57

of the time because my

1:33:00

job means that other people

1:33:02

need me, they want

1:33:05

me, and he's always been

1:33:07

so good with stepping

1:33:09

to the side and letting

1:33:12

me be a star, which

1:33:14

not too many people

1:33:16

would be okay with that,

1:33:19

but he has that

1:33:21

confidence. He... is sure of

1:33:23

himself, he's secure, he's

1:33:26

a very secure man.

1:33:28

And I think that's what's

1:33:30

made it possible for